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"AIBU" to put a 10 year old girl and a boy of 9 in the same room?

(40 Posts)
IsThisAcceptable Sun 25-Nov-12 18:23:45

I have a chance to buy a two bedroom house. The 2nd bedroom is 8 x 14 with the door right in the corner, so I'm thinking i could two of those high sleeper beds (a bed ontop of a wardrobe basically) and maybe construct a bit of plywood in between them like a partition. To give them both a bit of privacy. I know it's not ideal. But the way I am visualising it they could at least both change in private. Do you picture it?

I can't afford a three bedroom house, I can hardly afford a two bedroom house and it still might not even happen. It's a wing and a prayer as it is. In time though, I might be able to do the attic. Perhaps. Or if not I'll sort something out.

Pooka Sun 25-Nov-12 18:26:27

Could you have dd in one bedroom with lots of wardrobe space and ds in the other. With you on a top notch super comfortable sofa bed in the sitting room. If you had storage space in dd's room, then could be a way of keeping your bedroom stuff out of sight in the day. And would mean that your dcs each have their own room and privacy.

MothershipG Sun 25-Nov-12 18:27:53

The problem with this is that they are not going to be 9 and 10 for long so unless this is a very short term measure I can't see how it's going to work. Unless you can definitely convert the attic in the next year or so, or are prepared to give up your bedroom and sleep in the lounge until you can afford it?

Hulababy Sun 25-Nov-12 18:28:08

I think they are getting to the age when they need their own space - or at least some privacy. My DD is 10y and already developing so she would want some private space away from a brother - things like getting changed to start with.

LynetteScavo Sun 25-Nov-12 18:31:17

Is there anyway the first bedroom could be turned into two rooms? If so, it's really not that big a job to get someone to build a wall. (Unlike a loft conversion).

IsThisAcceptable Sun 25-Nov-12 18:31:29

I had thought that later on I could sleep on a pullout sofa myself perhaps. The sitting room is quite small too. You'd certainly notice a bed in the middle of it! I had also thought that as dd got older I could swap with my son and give him a room on his own and share with dd.

So, don't worry about telling me straight here. Is it a bit weird?. Is it bordering on.............. well 'abuse' would be ridiculous. But is it officially inappropriate?

Basically I would be mindful of the situation and trying to give them their privacy whilst gettign on the property ladder at the right time iyswim. It's a juggling thing.

IsThisAcceptable Sun 25-Nov-12 18:32:59

I guess if I could get a two bedroomed place what I'd do would be hope that they could put up with each other for another year maybe and then swap with my son.

IsThisAcceptable Sun 25-Nov-12 18:37:19

No it's a small house and the rooms are all small but it's important to me to buy. I'm in my forties. I may not be eligible for a mortgage if I leave it longer. I feel I need to act now. I have savings which are right this moment a good deposit in terms of percentage. The market in my area has begun to pick up. I feel I need to buy now or I won't be able to, ever. I don't want to give my life story here but trust me, I've put a lot of thought into it. If I needed to share a room with my dd I would. I am on my own and I will give my kids a university education and braces and I will make a number of other sacrifices but I won't miss out on the chance to buy a house for them. Their father is as much use as a chocolate teapot.

#What would other people do? rent for ever?

Yes i might be able to do the attic but not for a few years.

IsThisAcceptable Sun 25-Nov-12 18:39:56

hulababy, yes, I hear you. I remember when I was 10 getting myu own bedroom and leaving the younger two in the old bedroom and it was exciting. Like a rite of passage even though I didn't develop til much later. but the house I grew up in was much bigger. We all had our own rooms and there was still a spare bedroom. But I can't be the only person to have had this dilemma?

3littlefrogs Sun 25-Nov-12 18:43:07

It is legal, but I think it could be very difficult as they get older.

Dd's friend, aged 14, has to share a room with her 17 year old brother. (2 bedroom council flat). It is very uncomfortable for both of them.

Getting homework done and studying for GCSEs and A levels is also very hard as one always has to use the living room, so parents spend a lot of time sitting in their own bedroom.

BehindLockNumberNine Sun 25-Nov-12 18:43:23

I would either put the two dc in the larger bedroom with a big wardrobe partion down the middle if at all possible. Also make the layout such that there is a minimal amount of walk though required to get from one room to teh other.

If that is not possible I would buy the house, give the dc one bedroom each and I would have a top of the range sofa bed in the living room. And be diligent about putting it away every morning so it only looks like a bed when I am sleeping in it.

But I would definately buy the house and make it work. Because one day they will move out and you have some property to your name.
Worth the inconvenience of a sofa bed...

LynetteScavo Sun 25-Nov-12 18:43:44

But they don't have to get changed in the same room...they can use the bathroom or your bedroom for privacy.

Or, yes, you could share with your DD, or have a pull out sofa bed for you in the living room.

I think in lots of cities in other countries people live with their families in small apartments. I'm not sure what they do, but it must be doable.

3littlefrogs Sun 25-Nov-12 18:47:12

I would go for sharing the bigger room with your DD and put your son in the smaller room.

You could put up a curtain or screen in the bigger room.

lalalonglegs Sun 25-Nov-12 18:51:13

It will be fine if they get on reasonably well. It's very common in Europe for siblings to share rooms until they leave home - I have a friend in Milan who shared with his two older sisters until he married in his late 20s. Obviously more space would be ideal but maybe you can extend a few years on. No harm will come of them sharing in the meantime.

Floralnomad Sun 25-Nov-12 18:52:55

How big is the other bedroom?

twofalls Sun 25-Nov-12 18:55:01

I shared with my db in our tiny rented cottage until I was 10 and he was 14. Can't say it bothered either of us that much tbh. But then we had never known any different. I do remember my parents getting anxious about it though and we moved in with my nan about she bought her council house (my parents paid the mortgage). I would say it willbe fine for a couple of years, by which time you will hopefully do the attic.

forevergreek Sun 25-Nov-12 18:56:15

It sounds fine. Many many people share. Like you said try can get changed in the bathroom. It makes complete sense to buy. You say the eldest is 12, for all you know he may move out at 18 to uni/ study/ work. So it's something you need to think about for you and your family for te next couple of decades rather than just your children's teens years

NatashaBee Sun 25-Nov-12 19:03:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

specialsubject Sun 25-Nov-12 19:21:12

grab it. It's your chance to get on the housing ladder. So they have to wear pyjamas and get changed in the bathroom. They will be fed, warm, sheltered and loved. They'll cope.

It is NOT abuse! It is you providing for your kids despite difficulties. Good on you!

nappydaysagain Sun 25-Nov-12 19:21:24

I'm going to be honest, until recently my DS1 and DS2 shares a room which they wanted to do when the youngest was about 2 and oldest 4. This worked really well and I didn't anticipate problems, but when the oldest DS turned 11 ready to start senior school hormones hit with a vengeance and he really did need his own space. We have recently made a small loft room for him and each boy having their own space has improved stress levels in the house considerably. DS3 is in a teeny, tiny box room but is only 2 at the moment.. My experience is of difficulties with 2 brothers sharing once they get older so I think if you can allow them their own space even if you and your Dd share or if you could get someone to build you a cheep stud wall. Good luck.

GrendelsMum Sun 25-Nov-12 19:39:30

My cousins (boy and girl) shared throughout their teenage years - they actually quite liked it, I think. They had an improvised 'wall' in the style of a Japanese paper screen which they could open and close, so they could have privacy when they wanted it. They did have to be considerate over noise, though, and couldn't really have friends to visit in their bedrooms.

NotGoodNotBad Sun 25-Nov-12 20:43:26

I wouldn't do it if I could avoid it. Is this place the only option, or are there other 2 bed places around that you could afford? If so could you find one with 2 bedrooms, living room (to be someone's bedroom) and a decent-sized kitchen/diner that you could use as living space?

IsThisAcceptable Sun 25-Nov-12 20:44:16

Thanks specialsubject. I have to make difficult decisions and I know other people mightn't agree but to me it's important to buy a place. If I get this place the mortgage will be lower than the rent. It's the right thing. I will be aware of potential difficulties though and if it comes to it, I'll share with my dd for a while and if that doesn't work out I'll sleep on the sofa downstairs and if that doesn't work out! then I'll have to get the attic converted. Thanks for not telling me it is abuse or asking for trouble.

IsThisAcceptable Sun 25-Nov-12 20:46:04

ps, I have had ideas about pushing wardrobes back to back with book shelves to create a 'wall'. We will see. I have my eyes open anyway.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 25-Nov-12 20:54:18

It's perfectly acceptable to anyone with half a brain, only the seriously stupid will think it's neglect or worse and they aren't worth worrying about.

I have my suspicions that the housing market will drop further and interest rates too but if you can get on the ladder now with a mortgage and you can afford it (as you say, it's cheaper than rent) and you think the prices are going to start going up in your area, then you should do it. The practicalities will sort themselves out in the future and for now them sharing is fine.

I would let them have the room the way they want it - if a) they can agree and b) you can afford it!

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