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Have just moved...but want to move again. Is there anyone else like me out there?

(61 Posts)
allatsea1 Fri 04-Feb-11 21:22:41

We have recently moved house. We've moved to a bigger house in a nicer area and I know I should be very thankful...but I'm still not happy. There are still other places I'd much rather live. Realistically it's going to be a good five years or so before we can consider moving again and I just can't see myself being happy until we do. Does anyone else ever feel like this? Am I on a constant hunt for perfection that I'm never going to achieve? My partner seems comfortable wherever we are...

angel1976 Fri 04-Feb-11 21:30:34

Did you feel this way before you moved? Was there something better you liked but couldn't get? I'm curious as to why you would feel this way as we are in the process of trying to buy our 'forever' home and I feel terrified of getting it wrong!

allatsea1 Fri 04-Feb-11 21:37:32

angel I had a niggling feeling that I stupidly ignored. It definitely could be someone's 'forever' home - just not mine! Good luck with yours.

angel1976 Fri 04-Feb-11 21:50:04

So what really bothers you about your new house? I am genuinely curious. I suspect I am like your DH while my DH is more like you. I love where we are now (I do acknowledge more space would be nice as we have two little boys and with only 2 bedrooms, space is tight!) but I'm the sort of person who thinks there are others worse off than us... I don't think our house is going to happen, we got a low offer and put in a low offer as a result and the house sellers haven't turned it down but I don't think they are too keen... Oh well, c'est la vie!

allatsea1 Fri 04-Feb-11 21:57:01

Hi angel. I don't know really - I just can't see myself being here forever which was the whole idea! We also have two boys - and we wanted them both to have a room each which we've now been able to give them. Maybe it's the fact that until we win the lottery there's always going to be better? Arrgghh!

BehindLockNumberNine Fri 04-Feb-11 21:58:19

I am in the exact same boat. We live in an expensive area and were on a limited budget. We found this house which on paper ticked all the boxes.
I had niggles all through the buying process but ignored them as there was absolutely nothing in our price range I preferred. (Well there was one but dh did not like the village that was in.)
Now we are here, had the builders in for 6 months and have extensively remodelled the house.
It is a lovely home. It is a roomy 3 bed semi in a better village than we were in before, our garden backs onto a lock of the local canal, there are many good points.

But I does not feel like home. It will make a great family home for someone. Sadly not for me.

Dh on the other hand is happy.

We have decided to give it a year or two and see how we feel. If the property market is such that we can sell and recoup our costs we will sell if I still hate it.

Now that I feel no longer under pressure to love this house as my 'forever home' I may end up loving it yet (I live in hope)

allatsea1 Fri 04-Feb-11 22:03:25

BehindLock - you have summed up how I feel exactly. My partner thinks I've lost my mind bless him. Men just want an easy life I think!

fairylights Fri 04-Feb-11 22:04:13

I know where you are coming from..
we moved 6 months ago and i'm still not reconciled to the house we are living in.
BUT we have moved to a much more expensive city and have therefore had to downsize and go from a beautiful old victorian terrace to a 1960's semi - and we didn't buy it thinking it would be a forever home. But I am keeping my eye out for something else, and spend too much of my day working out how we could re-arrange the current house!
But I think it is a good life discipline to learn to be content with what you have at any one time.. well thats what i keep tellin myself grin

allatsea1 Fri 04-Feb-11 22:05:44

It might also be a good idea to have that conversation with him like you have to take the pressure off so to speak. That could do the trick.

allatsea1 Fri 04-Feb-11 22:07:56

Ah fairylights - you're so right. I really do need to learn to count my blessings. I'm glad I can vent on here as if I told anyone in real life they'd think I was an awful, ungrateful piece of work!

figcake Fri 04-Feb-11 22:09:09

Yes been there, done it but this was ten years ago so most unlike the current housing market situation. I broke even though I suppose I would have even accepted a small loss (that is how desperate I was to get out). I love my current house but I have now done a good stretch here and would like to move again.

allatsea1 Fri 04-Feb-11 22:13:27

Ah figcake - so all is not lost?

Ragwort Fri 04-Feb-11 22:13:44

I am the opposite to you - my favourite expression is 'a house is only four walls' - I think being with your family, getting involved in the area, making friends, becoming part of the community is so much more important that the actual house you live in - but my DH is the opposite, hates where we currently live, picks faults with EVERYTHING - so we are moving again! I don't mind, I see each move as a new challenge smile.

BehindLockNumberNine Fri 04-Feb-11 22:15:09

The conversation was crucial. Honestly. Until I spoke to dh about how I felt I was just botteling it all up, putting a brave face on it and slowly going mad. I felt very down and under pressure to love the house (having made decisions on moving internal walls and fitting a new kitchen and bathroom I felt I had to love it.

I told dh (last night) how I felt. In floods of tears.
He does not understand, after all it was me who instigated the move from our previous home (a small Victorian semi in a messy street in the centre of a rapidly-going-downhill-village).

This house was supposed to be our forever home. But now he is happy to see how we go. Which makes me feel like the pressure is off and I can just concentrate on actually living here.
So we will see smile

fairylights - we moved from a small and higgelydypiggeldy and very impractical Victorian semi to this larger 1950's semi. I mourn for my Victorian fireplaces, coving, feature radiators and the character of the old house. This house just does not have it....
But I will have to work hard on putting the character into this house somehow...

allatsea1 Fri 04-Feb-11 22:16:44

Ragwort - I definitely need to take a leaf from your book. I think it could be more about me than the situation...can a house actually make you happy?

allatsea1 Fri 04-Feb-11 22:19:52

BehindLockNumberNine: I think you are actually me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He knew something was up and I didn't dare say what it was. I've told him now but we've not put a 'time' on when we can look at re-evaluating. I think that would make me feel a lot more comfortable.

BehindLockNumberNine Fri 04-Feb-11 22:26:34

Well done allatsea smile
Don't worry too much about an actual time scale - for me knowing that this does not have to be forever is enough to take the pressure off.
Give yourself at least a year. Dh said we need a full year, experience all the seasons, plant things in the garden, enjoy a family christmas here etc. (we were here the christmas just gone but so were the builders so it was all a bit chaotic...)

Ragworth, you are so right. Our problem is also that we moved from a village only 2 miles away. Dd is still at her old school, and so am I as I work there as a SEN TA. So our 'life' is still partly in the old village.
Ds is in the high school in the village we live in now. He was going to go there even if we had not moved.

Our new village has an annual fair on the green in the summer (homegrown plants, fruit stalls, Scouts display, tombola etc) and we will make a point of going to integrate ourselves more...

angel1976 Fri 04-Feb-11 22:59:00

Well done allatsea1, I am sure you feel better having got it out there! I do hope you feel more positive about your home soon. It's so very difficult isn't it? If we just look at the next price range down, we wouldn't even need to sell our place to buy it but DH has decided we need that next house up the ladder... sigh And I kinda agree we will need all that space eventually!

IHeartKingThistle Fri 04-Feb-11 23:19:12

OP are your DC happier in the new house? I bet they're not mourning the original features!

I'm not being sarcastic, honestly! I understand where you're coming from, we've moved out of a Victorian house to a modern house too and part of me still goes <sigh> when I drive past lovely old houses.

Sounds like you've really put your kids first here though - be proud of yourself for that and make sure you get your lovely old house one day! smile

nineyearoldsarerude Fri 04-Feb-11 23:29:18

fairylights-someone is asking a question of you on your edinburgh thread.

confusedperson Sat 05-Feb-11 13:40:06

I moved to what others would consider a lovely Victorian terraced house about 1.5 years ago and have never been truly happy in here. It ticked all the boxes, but never felt right. At the meantime I have been trying to make it as nice as I can, but we will hopefully move as soon as the opportunity (or reason) arises.

allatsea1 Sat 05-Feb-11 17:24:59

See this is what mumsnet is for. I don't feel like I'm the only one who has had second thoughts which in turn has made me feel a bit more normal!

BehindLockNumberNine Sat 05-Feb-11 18:14:51

I was just about to post the exact same message!! I feel so much better knowing there are others who feel the same. This feeling is obviously relatively normal and thus I shall embrace it and try to embrace the house at the same time.

I have already changed my username here on MN to incorporate the house (or the location of it, to be exact) in an attempt to link the house more to my identity (does that make sense?) and will carry on thinking of this house as 'mine' as much as I can.

Today I gave the bathroom a good clean and sat at the kitchen table looking out onto the garden and planning some new shrubs etc -felt almost content... smile

Oh, what also helped was that last night dh and I went onto rightmove and did a search. We set all the criteria of location, distance, house type etc to what we are looking for, made sure it was within our price range and hit 'search'. And you know what, out of all the houses which popped up there is only one we would consider to be a better option than the one we currently own. But not wildly better. And much further from school / work. So on paper, the house I am in now is still the best we could get. I must remember that!

allatsea1 Sat 05-Feb-11 19:36:21

BehindLockNumberNine - I'm going to try that little Rightmove exercise right now!

Oooh yes and a lovely clean house also makes you feel a bit better too.

I think for me at least there will always be something/somewhere better to live but I suppose unless you're Bill Gates that's life. Like Ragwort said - a house is only four walls.

BehindLockNumberNine Sat 05-Feb-11 21:16:15

Good luck with the rightmove thing - it was a gamble as of course there is always the chance the dream house pops up within your budget...

Yes, if money were no issue then we would easily find my dream house....
But within our budget that was never going to happen.

And I will take a leaf out of Ragwort's book - a house is only four walls smile
And hopefully I will come to like these particular four walls....

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