single sex or co-ed better for shy dd. Help please.

[mrsshackleton]

DD1 is five, in reception, and doing fine but not thriving. For various reasons, mainly to do with changes in her schoolthat we're not happy about we want to move her at some point in the next year to one of two schools but are torn as to which would suit her better. Both are private and this is not a private/state debate, so please don't weigh in with those arguments as I already know them all

School A is all girls from year 3. It has one class per year of 18 max. It comes across as a rather old-fashioned but very caring place with an emphasis on academics and creativity which would suit dd well. It's about a 20 minute bike ride from us, driving is not an option as parking is impossible.

School B) is nearer to us, a 10 min cycle ride. It is bigger, has three form entry and is co-ed. It's a more glitzy place with sports facilities, science labs, big grounds etc. It is much more expensive than School A.

Dd is a shy, girly girly type, she has coordination problems so I don't want her in too sporty an environment (though otoh she does gym and baller to help these problems and loves them).

She is not very forthcoming in class and I wonder if she'd do better at an all girls' school, as they say boys get more attention in co-ed. I noticed being shown round the coed that the teachers were asking the boys more questions than the girls, which I was a bit about. Otoh, maybe she should get used to boys sooner rather than later (she has a ds, so ours is a very pink and princessy house). The proximity of school B appeals, the cheaper fees at School A appeal a lot too

Ultimately i want her to be at the school she'll flourish in most, so any opinions welcome

[ppeatfruit]

I have taught in private and state schools; the most important aspect is the teacher, esp. for a sensitive child I would go for school A but not if the teachers are no good!

[mrsshackleton]

I think the teachers are good at school A, as far as I can see most have been there yonks

Unfortunately, you never know for sure if someone will retire or move on though!

[bonbons]

Does school A have any links with a boys school? Do they have social events, school discos, trips together?

Does your dd have any cousins, brothers of friends outside of school, family friends' children who are boys?

If yes, then I would say go with school A.

If not, I would consider school A, but then look for school that fulfils the first question I asked for Secondary school.

Just my VHO.

[mrsshackleton]

Thanks bonbons, we do have little boys in our circle of friends, I guess I would have to make an effort to ensure dd mixed with them. Sounds like school a might be the one

[littledawley]

My gut feeling is school A but I can't really say why! My DS is in year 1 and I do get the feeling that he and his male friends demand a lot of the teacher's attention. I wouldn't worry too much about her mixing with boys - as you say, you have friends with boys and if she's shy, she probably won't mix much with the boys at school anyway.

[kitkat1967]

hi Mrsshackleton - I moved my very shy DD to an all girls school for year 5 and wish I had done it for yr 3!! Her school is also quite old-fashioned in some ways but has a very good reputation. My DD has changed beyond recognition and is no longer shy at school - loads of confidence and joining in etc. Her old class size was 33 and now it is 18 and I cannot emphasize enough the difference that makes - we feel that everyone 'gets a turn' now , not just the 20 most 'gobby'!!
Funnily enough my DD also has poor coordination but all the extra PE has definitley helped - she's still hopeless at Tennis etc. but has found that she can do athletics and other sports that don't require hand eye coordination.
We have found that the girls are much happier to 'muck in' then they were at her previous co-ed primary and they are virtually all quite tom-boy ish. Hardly any concern over clothes, hair etc. so it's been quite liberating. (may change as they get older of course!!)
We are in a different situation to you in that we also have a (younger) DS so plently of boys around!! Have you asked if the girls school is 'paired' with a local boys school as this is very common practise and two schools often come together for activity days etc.
We share a lift to the new school and she gets the bus home but even with the much longer day she is so happy.
cheers K.

[mrsshackleton]

kitkat, that's very heartening to know. I do wonder if I am being pfb here, but my instinct is dd would thrive in an all-girls' environment. I went to an all-girls prep and adored it, which influences my thinking, obviously but I have a brother so that was a bit different.

I don't think this school does pair with a boys' school but if she was there from 6-11 I could always put her back in our very well-thought-of co-ed at secondary if I thought she was ready, or again at sixth form

The problem is the girls' school may not have a place for a while, whereas we're guaranteed a place at the co-ed for year one if we put down a hefty deposit

Thanks everyone I appreciate your input, any more comments welcome

[Takver]

Your school A sounds lovely. The advantage of a longer cycle ride I would say for a less 'automatically' sporty child is that they get exercise automatically, IYKWIM, which then helps them to be stronger/have more stamina when they do take part in sports. So the extra distance is not necc a bad thing. You could always encourage your dd to join a mixed out of school activity like Cubs/Woodcraft folk or whatever.

I went to all girls secondary (although state comp so a bit different), and really enjoyed it, I think people do overstate the problems, or at least they are not universal with all girls' schools.

[mrsshackleton]

Good point on longer cycle ride Takver, it's me who doesn't fancy an extra 20 mins on a bike a day but it would be good for all of us, I'm sure

I think day, all-girl schools are fine - we spent every second out of school mingling with boys, I'd have more worries with boarding school but that is not an option I'd consider anyway

[GoEngland]

Slightly different I know but my DD had a mixed state primary education and this is why I opted for a single sex secondary school.

If you and more importantly your DD feel warm and welcomed at the girls school then that would be my choice.