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Violence in reception class!

(16 Posts)
Ilovehotchoc Fri 23-Oct-09 13:40:40

My DS started school in Sept, so far, so good. He loves it and has settled in well. Only problem is that within the last 8 days he has come home with 2 scratches on his face made by the same boy in his class. The teacher has sent a letter home each time explaining what happened, and on the first occasion the teacher came and spoke to me apologised to me and said she hadn't been there at the time but that she was gong to speak to the boy's parents.

The second incident was yesterday and I went over to the TA and the supply teacher at picking up time, as soon as I saw the second mark on DS's face. (He had told me that the same boy had done it so I thought right I'm going to have to say something if its the same boy who has done this again).

I was a bit taken aback by their reaction as they were rather defensive about it. His teacher wasn't there (again) so it was the supply and the TA. They went and got the other reception teacher to speak to me. (there are 45 children split into 2 classes with 2 teachers and 2 TAs). She says, 'it was just an accident... and basically as there are 45 children we can't watch them all the time, these things happen' etc. I said I appreciate that, I know accidents happen but what I am concerned about is the fact that the same child has done this to DS twice now in a matter of days and he has 2 nasty marks on his face, is there a problem here that we should know about? She says she'll raise it with his teacher when she's back.

So, am I being overprotective or would you complain about this too? My DS can be a bit boisterous at times so I am not saying he's an angel, he can also be quite self-righteous so he may have even provoked the other boy or rubbed him up the wrong way but surely this is behaviour is not acceptable? This boy must have really gone out to his way to hit DS on both occasions to have caused the injuries that he has.

Also, talking over it with DH last night, and he said how can they say thay can't watch the children all the time? These are 4 and 5 year olds surely they shouldn't be playing outside unsupervised and how can that be used as an excuse when accidents happen?

Ilovehotchoc Fri 23-Oct-09 13:42:16

Apologies for spelling mistakes, I wrote it in a hurry!

LadyOfTheFlowers Fri 23-Oct-09 13:44:50

DS was hit in the face so hard by another child during his second week he had a black eye and a bruised eyeball so I know how you feel.
They are 4 & 5 FGS! angry

This happened when they were all out in the coridoor, 'in the scrum' collecting their things to come home. hmm

LynetteScavo Fri 23-Oct-09 13:48:42

You can complain all you want....but I'm quite sure the teachers are aware if there is a child with behaviour problems in the class.

You are right, 4 and 5 year olds need to be wathced at all times.... there are only 45, rather than the usuall 60, so their excuse sounds a bit lame. Do they play ont the palyground with the rest of the school? If so, I can see how something like this could happen.

TanyaBranning Fri 23-Oct-09 13:50:01

I'm on the other side of the fence at the moment. My Ds (also in reception) has been repeatedly attacking other children and often the same boy.

I agree with your husband, though. I have asked that my DS is constantly supervised. I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask that reception age children - and specifically, the child who is doing the hitting - is supervised at all times.

Do you know anything else about the boy who is hitting your DS? My DS is currently being assessed for SEN. I am mortified every time he attacks another child sad.

Ilovehotchoc Fri 23-Oct-09 13:52:35

They do play in the playground at lunchtime but this happened in the afternoon in their own separate garden that is fenced off so there could only have been a few of them out there. They encourage the children to play out in all weathers but there are bricks and all sorts out there for them to 'experiment' with. I just worry about what could happen if they were misused one day! There could be a serious accident.

I don't think I'm going to say anything else for now, ....unless it happens again! Can't help feeling my DS is turning into some kind of target for this boy.

Bubbaluv Fri 23-Oct-09 13:57:53

Is it possible that this other boy is your son's friend and they play together and that is why he is the one who "inflicts" the injuries? Not all scratches are caused by someone being nasty - just as likely the result of boisterous play?
Anyway, I think you are being a bit precious. My DS (2YO) comes home from nursery with scratches and frnakly I don't think they are even worth mentioning let alone the "injury form" that I have to sign!

LynetteScavo Fri 23-Oct-09 13:58:59

The out door area should be constantly supervised. I've notice in the summer it's always the teahcer outside, and in the winter the TA grin Some schools alos limit the number of children out side at one time.

I'd leave if for now, but keep a close eye on the situation..well as close as you can, as obviously you aren't there all day!

policywonk Fri 23-Oct-09 14:04:44

This sounds like fairly standard reception stuff IME, although of course very unpleasant for you and your DS. Quite a few children go into reception without having yet realised that kicking/scratching/biting is completely unacceptable, and pity the poor teachers and TAs who have to deal with that on top of everything else.

Sadly, it's not possible for one member of staff to keep an eye on every one of 10+ children, simultaneously.

You're quite within your rights to make a fuss about it - the more fuss you make, the more likely they are to keep an extra eye out to make sure your DS isn't being picked on. But this stuff does happen in reception quite a lot.

Ilovehotchoc Fri 23-Oct-09 14:09:12

No they're not friends so thats not the reason. I don't know much about the boy at all.

I feared I might be being a little precious which is why I came on here to canvas opinion, but DS has attended a nursery in the past, and playgroup and I'm used to having to sign accident forms. I never usually make a fuss I'm usually the 'never mind, accidents happen' type. At playgroup the staff were always really embarrassed if they had to ask me to sign an accident form because they didn't want parents thinking they weren't supervising properly.

Its the fact that its happened twice now and it sounds as if this boy is targetting DS that is worrying me. It doesn't sound like an 'accident' like bumped heads, this boy has gone out of his way to hit and/or scratch DS. I've asked DS to keep away from him but he said he can't always! Bless!

policywonk Fri 23-Oct-09 14:16:17

You could try talking to the other boy's mum/dad - maybe suggest a playdate so you can observe them at closer quarters and try to work out what's happening. Plus it will have the effect of absolutely mortifying the parents, who might then get to work on Little Jimmy's behaviour (assuming, as Tanya points out, that this isn't a SEN issue). A friend of mine resolved an issue like yours very amicably this way.

MarshaBrady Fri 23-Oct-09 14:20:23

I think also children may have never hit or scratched before but reception must be madness for the first term or so. Even if they have been at nursery it is a big change.

If it has happened twice then have a quiet talk with TA/teacher and ask them to keep an eye on it.

Ilovehotchoc Fri 23-Oct-09 14:33:56

Actually just read another thread on the behaviour board by a mum who has been called in to see the teacher about her son who is hitting and its helped me to see the bigger picture. I don't know much about the other child or his background so I shouldn't assume too much; he may be struggling to settle at school.

They are very young still and they are having to adapt to a lot of change. Maybe things will calm down a bit after half term when they've all had a well earned rest! I can only hope that the teacher/TA will keep a keener eye on him in particular.

ICANDOTHAT Fri 23-Oct-09 14:35:19

Many of the little ones will be feeling stress at starting school and being away from 'mummy'. All children react differently to situations and this particular child may either do this to express excitement, fear or whatever. I know that doesn't help you or your son, but it's life and they are still very young. Reception is all about teaching social and appropriate behaviour skills. Sad to say that worse will probably happen over the next 12 years of his school life, so brace yourself wink

MarshaBrady Fri 23-Oct-09 14:36:31

Yes I think that is a good idea, make sure someone is keeping an eye on it.

These things happen so quickly that children can be supervised but still not see it. You kind of have to watch for it.

Ilovehotchoc Fri 23-Oct-09 16:45:44

Thanks everyone for your replies!

ICANDOTHAT - Heaven help me when worse does happen! Think I'm gonna have to toughen up a bit!

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