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Bullying! arghhh, what to do?

(17 Posts)
Disenchanted3 Tue 20-Oct-09 13:21:46

Firstly my DS is NOT being bullied but I am highly concerned at what he said last night :

We are riding home on bike, there is a boy in another class lets call him James...

DS : Thats James Smith there, he's my mate

me: oh thats nice you always talk about James Smith.

DS : Hes not in my class though, he is in class 2.

me: oh right

DS there IS a James in my Class James Johnson. But hes a bully.

Me - why is he a bully?

DS - because he is nasty and he hits everyone.

Me : Has he ever hit you

DS : <silence>

Me: Has he ever hit you DS?

DS : No but I just avoid getting hit, I stay away.

I find this really really awful! I don't know what to do as there has been no actual incident with DS but it is obviously bothering him and he outright calls this boy a 'bully' so he must see it that way.

He is only 5 and just started reception.

It is parents evening tomorrow, should I bring this up?

Disenchanted3 Tue 20-Oct-09 13:31:54

?

becaroo Tue 20-Oct-09 13:34:51

Definately.

This needs nipping in the bud....if no one complains this child will get away with it.

My ds1 has been bullied byt the same child since nursery and it is no better...I wish I had made officail complaints before I did.

MatNanPlus Tue 20-Oct-09 13:36:32

Yes, you need to make the teacher aware that your ds actively has to avoid this boy so not to be hurt.

thecloudhopper Tue 20-Oct-09 16:23:30

Have youi ever thought though that the boy in question may be having some difficulties? I would guess that the school know about the child, my 1-1 used to hit others (his behaviour has much improved) we had parents in complaining befor now.

zebramummy Wed 21-Oct-09 20:46:47

there is one like this in ds' nursery class and they may ens up in the same reception class as he has been kept back a year due to his "issues"sad

the problem is that when i approach the staff about the fact that ds complained about being pushed by the boy they are v dismissive "oh - he pushes everyone" - i am v concerned as they are almost excusing this behaviour and ds cannot possibly understand their lack of action - he does not really trust them as a result of this

becaroo Thu 22-Oct-09 11:15:40

DO NOT LET THIS GO ZM!!!!

My son was bullied by a boy in nursery and it has continued and now they are in year 2!

I made the HUGE mistake of only verbally complaining and it has gotten me nowhere for 3 years...put every complaint in writing an they will have to take action!

Good luck!

biggirlsdontcry Thu 22-Oct-09 11:30:09

disenchanted3

yes i would definitely advise you bring this up at the meeting , although your ds has not been hit (yet) by this other boy , your ds should not feel that he has to avoid been hit in his classroom , good luck

Bucharest Thu 22-Oct-09 11:41:54

Yes, bring it up. The teacher will probably know about it, a lot of physical bullying actually goes on inside the classroom. But knowing that it's being discussed at home by the victims/potential victims might give the school more of a push to do something about it.

You don't have to be heavy handed about it...you could just mention that your son has mentioned the other child and told you some of the stuff he gets up to and you wanted to be sure that the teacher was also aware...."but I'm sure you are...blah blah..."

Thecloudhopper- whether or not the child in question is "having problems" is fairly irrelevant when it seems he is causing so many others to have them.

zebramummy Thu 22-Oct-09 20:54:50

thanks becaroo - if they can guarantee that they wont be in the same recption class then i would feel much better. i just hate being perceived as the ungrateful and/or paranoid SAHM parent when a lot of the others do not even know the teachers' names let alone have opinions on such matters

becaroo Fri 23-Oct-09 08:53:18

I know ZM - I felt exactly the same which is why I never complained in a more formal manner - which I now deeply regret. No one wants to be thought of as overbearing or overprotective but you are being neither - you are being a mum!

zebramummy Fri 23-Oct-09 20:25:03

thanks becaroo - i saw it happen with my own eyes today when i dropped him off - was v upset. the bully is actually the ringleader in a little group of mini-yobs and they all launched into ds without even fearing my presence. i called nursery, they said they have had strong words with them but i dont know, i'd be surprised if this was it ... considering moving to somewhere hopefully more civilised or getting a job for the sole purpose of paying school fees for a little school (even if it is crap)

zebramummy Fri 23-Oct-09 20:25:20

thanks becaroo - i saw it happen with my own eyes today when i dropped him off - was v upset. the bully is actually the ringleader in a little group of mini-yobs and they all launched into ds without even fearing my presence. i called nursery, they said they have had strong words with them but i dont know, i'd be surprised if this was it ... considering moving to somewhere hopefully more civilised or getting a job for the sole purpose of paying school fees for a little school (even if it is crap)

zebramummy Fri 23-Oct-09 20:27:40

becaroo - sorry posted twice - what kind of action are they more likely to take if i start putting it in writing?
sorry for hijacking thread btw

becaroo Sat 24-Oct-09 14:34:51

ZM - thats awful. I would really put all this in writing if I were you - and also a copy to the board of governors - that seems to have shaken things up at ds1 school!!!

Got the reply letter today and they are instituting a new system whereby all complaints are recorded and staff are being retrained...my name will be mud in the staff room but I dont give a monkeys...I have to put ds1 first.

Good luck, so sorry you find yourself in this horrid situation x

zebramummy Sat 24-Oct-09 21:17:11

thanks becaroo - it has really been preying on my mind - in a way i am glad it's half-term next week as I really need to cool down - i don't like the way in which they refuse to discuss the bullies by their names esp when I noticed what was happening before the teachers did and actually pointed it out to them. i would really like to confront the parents (well, ask the parents if i can have a word with the child who is the ringleader, and then talk sternly to the child in front of all the other parents at the nursery gate) - i don't know if it is OK to do it in this way or whether I would land myself in trouble that I really don't need right now. it just makes my blood boil that this could even happen as my ds is a sweet-natured gentle child that is friendly towards absolutely everyone though not part of a close circle of friends

becaroo Sun 25-Oct-09 08:26:12

ZM - sadly it is the quiet sweet natured ones like yours and mine who are targets for these awful children sad

I really would not advise talking to the parents - it could go badly and make matters worse - as in my case.

Like I said, put it all in writing (and a copy to the board of governors) and ask for a copy of the anti bullying policy. Take it into school after half term and ask to see the headteacher and hand the letter to them personally. That should make them sit up and take notice!

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