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In reception and is regressing fast with toilet training

(9 Posts)
tinateaspoon Thu 15-Oct-09 19:40:14

My dd1 is 4.5 and keeps having accidents at school, just wetting. I am starting to worry as yesterday and today she came home wet and cold. At first they helped her change, and I asked if she told anyone and she said she told the TA who told her she mustnt do it but didnt change her. She is a bit of a wallflower and doesnt speak up much so I wonder if she did mention it loud enough for the TA to hear!

She enjoys going to school and seems to be getting on really well in all other aspects. There has been one incident in the playground which worried her with some older boys but that has been sorted. Another problem might be that someone told her there were monsters in the toilets, but we talked it through and she was fine for a few days. When I ask her about why she doesnt go to the toilet she just says she forgets. Before school she was pretty reliable, but would have slight leaks if she giggles too much, but these are not little leaks.

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this. I am worried the other children might notice, as when she got home tonight she did smell of wee, as her tights we soaked, and I know how cruel children can be.

tinateaspoon Thu 15-Oct-09 21:00:29


primarymum Thu 15-Oct-09 21:15:28

Reception children do forget, they become engrossed in what they are doing and quite simply leave it too late. That said, there is no excuse for not changing her, even if the school has a policy of not "cleaning" after accidents ( and this is questionable) there shouldn't be a problem with supervising whilst your daughter gets changed. Make sure you send in a change of clothes (or two!) as it could be they have had so many accidents they ran out ( I had one little girl who wet herself 8 TIMES in one day, I had absolutely NO spare clothes left!) But she shouldn't be coming home wet.

bronze Thu 15-Oct-09 21:17:04

no help but just wanted to let you know you're not on your own in this

Washersaurus Thu 15-Oct-09 21:28:51

DS1 is 4yo and has accidents at school. They have been very supportive and have cleaned him up when necessary (I provided a bag of spares from day 1) - he does usually change himself though.

The teacher and TA have both been physically taking him to the toilet at regular intervals which has really helped and over the past few weeks we have seen a huge improvement at home too.

I have just been informed by the school that the local authority has a continence policy that the school should have been following, and so I have had to sign a form that agrees the problem and plan of action and reviews etc. From what I can tell it is really only used so that whoever changes him signs the form to say what they did just to cover themselves.

I think you need to talk to the teacher/TA and ask them to agree on a plan of action.

Try not to fret too much it isn't that uncommon and they all have accidents at some stage.

Surfermum Thu 15-Oct-09 21:33:20

Might she have a urine infection? Dd did this well into year 1 and it's turned out to be vulvitis and/or a urine infection each time. Is she red or sore around her bits?

tinateaspoon Thu 15-Oct-09 22:08:47

Thanks for the advice.

Primarymum - she does have two changes of clothes with her, but she is not very confident at dressing herself so I don't think she would use her initiative to change herself.

Washersaurus - we have spoken to the TA and teacher and have asked them more than once to remind her to go, because I know she does get engrossed in things and forgets. I think she finds it hard to think ahead, ie that she might need to go before Forest School rather than wait until desperate and then not be able to get to the toilet. I have a feeling she is almost afraid to ask to go and draw attention to herself. She is like me in that respect, and I so want her to have the self confidence I grew up without. How the hell do I help her to speak up for herself when she has such a shy mummy, this feels like my fault and I have let her down.

I have not heard of a continence policy before, I would be happy to agree a plan of action because then at least I know they are paying her some attention in this regard. Surely this is as an important part of education as learning to read. I will try not to fret but it is hard becuase I just want to protect her and make sure she is OK, I hate the thought of her worrying about things at such a young age. I am really finding it hard to get used to her having to find her own way and taking responsibility for herself.

Surfermum - thanks I will bear that in mind, but as she is fine at home i don't think it is an infection, but if there is no improvement soon I will get her checked. Her incontinence when laughing though is a worry, her pelvic floor is worse than mine, and she is a bit young to get doing the old pelvic floor exercises!

Its nice in a way to know I am not alone, but I never thought it would be this hard when they start growing up, give me the baby days again, at the time that was hard but this seems much harder to me x

Surfermum Thu 15-Oct-09 22:14:33

DD was fine at home too, which is what puzzled me at the time. What I realised was that at home she could just go to the loo when she needed to. At school she was shy about asking to go in the middle of a lesson, or if they'd been told to queue up or something and she just wasn't able to hold on.

Washersaurus Thu 15-Oct-09 22:21:30

I think you need to go back to the school and make them agree to a plan that will ease your worries - I too would be super stressed in your position.

DS1 is also very quiet and doesn't like to make a fuss, which is why it is so good the school have taken such a proactive role in his toileting! They physically take him to the toilet before assembly, PE etc to avoid accidents, as they know he is unlikely to realise he needs to go before an activity commences.

Is there a uniform option of trousers for girls; I just wondered if maybe she would be more confident about changing without tights to wrestle with?

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