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Is it unreasonable to be considering changing school on the basis of it being unfriendly?

(9 Posts)
Sourdough Thu 15-Oct-09 10:17:46

Brief synopsis:

We moved at quite short notice during summer hols. DD2 had been at a lovely, tiny village primary which we both adored. Did a bit of research and came up with a school which seemed quite similar in ethos etc and had been awarded 'outstanding' status in every single ofsted category quite recently.
DD2 started there in Sept and, although she seems to have settled in fine, I am not loving the school. I find her teacher frosty and detached and parents largely ignorant. One of the secretaries is friendly, but the others seem quite evasive (ie not really wanting you to ask them for anything/help in any way) As we have moved about a fair bit as each of the DDs have grown up, I have much experience of settling in at new schools and have never had a schol I have felt this way about before. DD's teacher has made a couple of catty comments which I feel are inappropriate for a yr 1 teacher (she seems as though she would be better suited to teaching teenagers) and I'm just not feeling the place. I talk myself around, thinking I haven't given it enough of a chance yet, but I can't shake off my unease.

LadyMuck Thu 15-Oct-09 10:20:25

Not if that is something that is important to you. And I am a believer in trusting your instincts about this sort of thing. If nothing else it is hard not to end up communicating your feelings to your dd at some point.

NancyBotwin Thu 15-Oct-09 10:23:32

How does your dd feel? I usually have found that the teachers/staff that I have found hard work my dcs have still really liked - my kids respond well to teachers who are quite strict/set boundaries and sometimes these teachers are the ones that parents find unfriendly/unapproachable because they are treating us in a professional rather than friendly way iyswim...if your dd is happy there I would give it a bit of time before deciding.

electra Thu 15-Oct-09 10:23:58

I agree - trust your instincts. Your child is spending a lot of her life in this place and it will have a part in shaping her into the person she will become...

sarah293 Thu 15-Oct-09 10:24:25

Message withdrawn

Elibean Thu 15-Oct-09 10:26:19

I'd give it till a full term, personally, because starts of academic years can be so stressful, and some teachers/secretaries no doubt handle stress better than others...

Then, if it was still the same and I felt the same, I'd look into it seriously. I do'nt think its unreasonable at all, if there is an alternative you do love and, most importantly, if dd wants to/is happy to move.

Sourdough Thu 15-Oct-09 10:31:01

I have surreptitiously probed DD for her opinions on the school and she seems happy. I also asked her how she would feel if she had to move to a different school and she seemed happy about that prospect, too. I think her teacher's attitude is not one which a child of her age would understand, but I do. DD1 had a very strict teacher in about yr3, but she was fair and kind with it. This one has zero warmth about her.

cory Thu 15-Oct-09 11:03:11

I would perhaps take a little more time and find out more about how your dd works with this teacher. Some people are good at interacting with children, but less good with adults. Also, different teachers work well with different children. It's your dd who has to live with the school, so I would make it a top priority to ensure that she is happy.

In a worst case scenario, you might move her to a school where you felt happy and cherished as a parent, but she didn't like it at all.

I remember a friend who used to enthuse about the wonderful infants teacher her ds1 had. When her ds2 got to her class, they didn't get on at all. Otoh there was another teacher she wasn't very keen on- and her son loved her, she was just right for him.

Sourdough Thu 15-Oct-09 11:20:38

It's less about feeling cherished as a parent and more about being a little aggrieved at her teacher's attitude generally.

For example, last week DD took a book ino school that she had been working on. It was an Usborne activity book and she had spent a good two hours the previous evening working on a picture in it. She continued with her drawing and colouring in the car on the way to school and was full of enthusiasm about showing the teacher. When she came home that evening I asked her 'Did you show Mrs X your picture' and she said 'no'. I asked why not and she said 'Mrs X said she never ever wanted to see it again'. I thought she was being dramatic, so asked her what she meant by that. She told me that she kept trying to show it to mrs X and was then told 'I never, ever want to see that again'. Fair enough - DD can be very persistent, but she's 5 FGS and had spent a good deal of time doing what she thought was a good job. I just thought it was an insensitive reaction and it just confirmed my previous opinion of her.

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