Trouble with another child who is always given the benefit of the doubt by the teachers seemingly because of her parents?

[peckhambeckham]

dd is having trouble with a girl in her class.

This child's mother has already had a word with dd (in the playground) to tell dd that she is very disappointed in us because they had dd round to play (years ago) and we never reciprocated (ffs). I don't even remember this but as dh and I both work, it's very possible that we forgot.

2 days ago, this girl was teasing dd and told dd she was stupid. So dd retaliated by saying 'well I'm not as stupid as you'.

This girl then ran to the teacher and said dd was calling her stupid. Dd got absolutely hauled over the coals and was told not to belittle other children just because she believed she was brighter than them. Dd tried to tell her teacher what had happened but was given short shrift and told not to interrupt.

This has obviously affected her because she wouldn't go to bed tonight and was really upset that the teacher wouldn't listen. This isn't the first time something like this has happened and the teacher has reacted this way.

I then heard (via the grapevine, so unconfirmed) that the parents of said child had gone to the headteacher and complained that their child is being picked on by dd (and others in her class) because she isn't white and English isn't her first language so she isn't as good at reading etc. and they are fed up with her being labelled stupid. But dd swears (and I do believe her), that this child is deliberately goading her and others quite a lot.

I did have a word with her about retaliating the way she did and how she really shouldn't use the word stupid anyway, even if it is just saying something back to someone and she did listen and understand.

I was thinking about going into the school but not sure it would achieve anything?

[peckhambeckham]

took me so long to type, by the time it came up, it was off the board!

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

I wish I could offer you some advice, but can't. FWIW, I think you need to tell your daughter that you 'belive' her version of events and tactfully tell her not to have anyting to do with little miss tell tale.

[CybilLiberty]

Yes go into scholl and put your childs version forward. You don't have to go in all guns blazing, just let it be known your dd has had problems wth this girl and you don't want it to seem one sided.

[CybilLiberty]

of course I meant SCHOOL not the orthopaedic shoe shop

[nooka]

I think it is always worth checking in with school, especially if you think that the teacher isn't listening to your child. I've always told my children that "stupid" is like a swear word and not to use it, but it is tough when another kid deliberately winds you up (I've seen my children do it to each other often enough!). If the teacher isn't receptive at least our dd will feel that you are on her side, and you never know the situation might be more complex. The mum does sound a little odd though.

[nighbynight]

I am in a non-english speaking country, and I feel very isolated from the other parents in teh school. My children have been called stupid english and similar in the school. I havent complained about it, becuase I dont want to blow the whole issue up. Also, dialogues like the one you mentioned happen every day in our school, and are not worthy of comment.

As a working parent, I have also not returned invitations, and I know that some people have taken this personally.

As the other parent has been to the school complaining, I would also go and make sure that your dd's viewpoint is heard. It sounds like quite a nice little game that the child has got going - provoke another child, get a response and run to the teacher.

Tbh, this kind of thing puts me off going back the UK, because I think it is a dreadful lesson for children to learn, that they must always run to the teacher. At what point will they learn how to handle this kind of situaion themselves?

[peckhambeckham]

yes I agree nighbynight. This is the sort of situation dd can handle by herself and this is what children are like I think! (silly tit for tat conversations).

I felt so bad for dd because she wouldn't go to school for 2 days (said she was sick, she did look very pale, but it turns out it was because she was so worried about this little girl constantly telling on her as dd hates being told off by the teacher and they have some stupid traffic light system and it affects which colour she is on there ) that when I finally got the truth out of her, she jumped up and down and shrieked with joy that she had unburdened herself and had someone on her side!

The school can't be too bothered about it as they haven't spoken to me but I will make an appointment to go in and speak to them. Have told her just to steer clear of this girl in the meantime.