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Has anyone got a dc who is always ill, gets everything, and how do the school react to absence?

(19 Posts)
scroobiuspirate Wed 14-Oct-09 09:32:04

Hi I am at the point where i don't even know if i want dd aged 7 to be in school anymore.

i am expecting a call from the head after school today. This is at my instigation, so I am not shirking my responibilites, rather am trying to communicate with the school. I must admit I am a little nervous about speaking to him.

I keep the school informed, always. DD has a history, sadly of an absebt father who cocks up her life, and altho she has had many many nights of tears, anwiety etc... I have never kept her home becuase of any emotional issue.

I have spoken to the head a few times, and doen as much as i can to support my child. I want to be known as an aware and encouraging parent. Yet i do also lack confidence in my own ability, and fear that I come over as too sensitive.

DD is ill today. hence i rang, and instead of leaving a message I asekd to speak to the head. I explained i am aware she has now had essentially one day a week off.
i explained that she always gets any bug going, plods on, then it results in almost it being too much for her system.

Today he asked if i have spoken to my doctor, but I could only say that, since she was born she just always gets coughs colds, tummy probs. Terrible eater, which i am addresing.

I don't know what the solution is. I hope he will put my m ind at rest, in confiring I am doping the right things, re keeping school informed etc... Yet as for illnesses, how the hell do i stop them? I can't. DD is bright, fun, and a good student. I did actually say today that the pressure of me feeling bad, is making me reconsider my dd's place withina school environment. So he knows i am really concerend.

scroobiuspirate Wed 14-Oct-09 09:35:03


scroobiuspirate Wed 14-Oct-09 09:40:22


seeker Wed 14-Oct-09 09:48:15

I can see you are really worried, but I'm not sure why you're saying the school environment isn't right for your dd? Is it because she is being exposed to so many bugs? Or are you worried that the school will take some sort of action against you?

Sorry - not sure what you're asking. Happy to help though, I am a governor at a primary school, so probably have useful inside information for you!

Vintagepommery Wed 14-Oct-09 09:57:17

My daughter had a lot of time off last year and the year before - as a result of an autoimmune condition. Thankfully the school have never questioned this... are the school putting pressure on you in some way?

scroobiuspirate Wed 14-Oct-09 09:58:36

hi seeker, i am worried about the action side, about how the school see me as a mother.

I guess i have ishooos, in that i desp want the school to know i do my best. I can't stop dd form being ill.

I am lone parent, and have managed really well thru alot of crap. I guess i don't want to be seens as a crap parent. All the responsibilty fall s on me for dd, which is fine. Yet maybe i am reaching out to the head? We had our cat suddenly die last week, and dd has had a terrible week. Yet last night she had stomach cramps, runny bum, and same today.

I just think 'fucks sake here we go again' when i ring in. Maybe some people do have a dc who is ill often or even winging it, but they don't feel the guilt i do?

meltedmarsbars Wed 14-Oct-09 10:03:06

You are doing the right thing by opening a dialogue with the school to explain the absences. Absolutely not a "crap" parent!

My dd2 is frequently off, she is also 7, she has problems with every bug going around (incidentaly if your dd sucks her fingers or thumb that can lead to more infections.)

Hopefully her life and yours will settle down and you will look back on this as just being a phase that you got over intact.

Good luck - headteachers are people too, not ogres!

scroobiuspirate Wed 14-Oct-09 10:03:48

if i look back, the one thing that kicked thisoff, in my is one time 2 yrs back when dd was emotionally rung out, and i was too with my ex dh. DD was at the time saying she wanted to die, was in a terrible place.

i reached out to the school, talked to the head. All fine, then he suggested the liason officer call, and the first thing she did was say to me 'oh i see your dd has above average absence.'

I thought i was getting a call of support about dd's home life, but got it inthe neck instead.

I mentioned this ti dd's teacher who was shock, and said 'have you told the head about this', and i didn't. I just thought well, that's obviously the first concern of this officer person. Can't remember the title.

i just left it, and hoped that generally things would improve. I didn't want to start complaining about this 'important' person iyswim.

seeker Wed 14-Oct-09 10:05:36

If you keep in touch with the school, then they won't take any "action". However they school need to be able to show the LEA that it, and you, are doing everything possible to improve your dd's attendance.

I would make an appointment to talk to the Head about it and make sure they understand the difficulties you are having so that they can be as supportive as possible to your dd. It might be worth going to the doctor with her as well, just to underline the point that you are doing everything you can.

The other thing you MIGHT think about is whether you always have to keep her off when she's a bit poorly. I'm not suggesting you send her in when she's really ill - nobody'd thank you for that(!). But sometimes they are better for going in if they feel a bit under the weather. It's a good lesson too - they learn that sometimes you just have to soldier on.

meltedmarsbars Wed 14-Oct-09 10:06:40

Good point, seeker.

StealthPolarBear Wed 14-Oct-09 10:14:36

you poor thing.
DS is only 2 but seems to be one of these children. he has recurrent ear infections, colds, conjuntivitis, D&V (thankfully not recently). I know the here we go again feeling so well. We're lucky really, apart from these minor illnesses he is utterly healthy but it's just never ending!
Sound as though you're doing the right thing, hope the school support you.

cory Wed 14-Oct-09 10:18:04

I've got one of those children too- and it's no fun.

To be fair, dd's school did take action against me despite a whole load of medical letters from paeds etc. BUT (and I want to stress this!!!), that is probably an exceptional experience to do with one individual head's own ishoos (he had medical problems of his own and couldn't cope with other people's). It's NOT what's going to happen to most people.

Years later, dd still has the same medical problem and her new school could not be more supportive.

So don't assume they're going to be out to get you. Chances are they actually want to help.

I would take your dd to the doctor; not just to show willing, but also to rule out any underlying medical problem. (am just thinking of having my own dd tested for anaemia). There might just be something the doctor can do.

scroobiuspirate Wed 14-Oct-09 10:22:09

Yes, I always makes sure she is absolutely ill. I totally understand where you are coming from tho, in that regard. letting them stay home cos they don't feel altogether up for it is not allowed.

my dd is the kind of kid who is fine one day, then can be ill at the click of a finger. sudden fevers, coughs colds, always has been like this. asthma as a tot, no sleep and coughing for 2 yrs at night at one point.

Do you think this sounds like the way to go, when i speak to head.

Point out i am wanting to keep a check on my relationship with the school on this matter.

Doing all i can.


seeker Wed 14-Oct-09 10:26:00

You sound as if you are doing absolutely the right thing. I would definitely take her to the dr first - one day off a week is quite a lot. The go to the Head and try to come up with some strategies to help, and to make sure she doesn't miss anything. I really wouldn't worry - just carr on doing what you're doing!

scroobiuspirate Wed 14-Oct-09 10:26:12

cory, stealth, melted, vintage. good to hear that i am not alone. Ihope that your children get more resistant as they grow.

I have friends whose kids never seem to be sick. their kids play with mine at school, and after at times.

I have been to gp a few times over the yrs with concerns about dd's general well being. again, i have that ishoo whereby i think the gp thinks i am mental. Totally my own self esteem i can now see. Doing a hard job unsupported also makes you think you need to prove yourself beyond the course of duty.

scroobiuspirate Wed 14-Oct-09 10:27:59

also the one day a week has only been this term.

is there more crap going round or something?

thatsnotmymonster Wed 14-Oct-09 10:33:11

Yes my dd (middle child) is like this too. She is 3 and only just started nursery. They are off today because ds (4.5) was sick last night and they are in the same nursery class. DD didn't go in because if it's a bug then she will have it too.

My dc's have had 8 sickness bugs this year, I think.

DD always gets anything going and often anything that isn't going too grin

As soon as she gets a cold she gets conjuctivitus too. She is allergic to cow's milk and is tiny for her age. She gets weird things too- like she's had a cellulitus bewteen her toes, a big growth inside her lip and itched her scalp until it was gooey and bleeding one weekend for no apparant reason.

I am worried that nursery/school will eventually get fed up at how much she will be off. I am fed up of it!

scroobiuspirate Wed 14-Oct-09 10:40:50

monster, sorry to hear about your dc's, esp your middle child.

i feel like running in the direction of home education at times. Yet know me and dd both benefit form time out, and we don't get any time away from each other unless it is school.

scroobiuspirate Wed 14-Oct-09 17:31:37

I have just had a fantastic convo withthe hed. he is an absolute top man.

He said that he will ensure leona gets more help, on a daily basis, with regard to having someone to talk to, someone to go to.
He understands that whenit's just mummy, with the best will in the world I can't do it all. he hopes withtime if she feels more settled in her emotins and has understanding, a sort of sn person she can go to, that her physical side might improve. he thinks that the whole ill thing is being excacerbated by the emotions. I was able to thank him, and show that i am doing my best.

i feel so much happier.

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