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How hard is it move school once your child has already started?

(25 Posts)
What2doWhata2do Thu 08-Oct-09 21:28:36

My ds is 4.8 yrs and in reception.

Most of the children in ds class are lovely apart from 1 we've had problems with him from day one a year ago.

He hits (with hands and toys), punches, runs into children headlong with his head down and winds them, he is taller and bigger built than the rest of the kids so can easyily knock, push or drag them down then jumps on them and hits them or kicks them when they are down which he does every day, and has even been known to do worse to younger children.

Most of the time this is dierected towards my DS i brought him up not to do these things because they were unkind and unfortanally i think i drumed it in too much as my poor DS now doesn't have the confidence to deal with this child.

The childs mother on the other hand just laughs and doesnt see anything wrong in what her child is doing.

I have been backwards and forwards to the school and they are trying to make the right noises but nothings changing. They say DS must tell the teacher/dinner lady but there too busy when he trys to.

DSS (older) goes with him to tell and they cant do anything about it as it's not DS being pro active in telling them hmm

The list goes on and im comming to the end.

So now DS is classed as being in reception and has a place at school is there any way i can move him to another school away from this child?

Do i have to move?

If it can be done how hard is it and have you got any tips?

Sorry that was so long, thank you for reading and any advice would be greatfully recived.

LynetteScavo Thu 08-Oct-09 21:35:52

If another school has a place, you can send your child there. It's that easy. If they don't, you can't!

The LEA (I think it's them) has a list of schools with places, so that will sve you from phoning every school individually to ask.

There is probably one -wild-- child child like this in every school though, os you may be going from the frying pan to the fire.

I would certainly let current school know you are thinking of removing yur child because of this.

elliott Thu 08-Oct-09 21:36:53

Its not hard, you just need to find another school with a place who will accept him.
But it does seem a rather extreme response after only a few weeks at achool! I would work a bit harder with the school to find a solution. You can't be the only person who is having a problem with this boy.

seeyounexttuesday Thu 08-Oct-09 21:42:40

Did he start school this september? If so, i think you need to give it a while before you move.

Things may settle down Agree with lynette in that there is pretty much one in every class and in every school.

What2doWhata2do Thu 08-Oct-09 21:51:49

Thank you the crunch came when this child stamped on my DS head while he was bent down in the playground.

This corsed a bump and bruse on either side of his haed (one from the ground and one from the foot)

This incedent was seen and reported to the dinner lady but because dss reported it with ds by his side instead of ds repoting it ds wasnt checked and the class teacher and myself never got informed even though i would have at least thought they'd have said to teacher he's bumped his head.

The school are know trying to sweep it under the carpit with "that's just how some kids play" amonst other things

Spaceman Thu 08-Oct-09 21:55:51

Are you asking if it's practially hard to move (like finding a space) or hard in the emotional sense for your DC?

On a practical level you could just ring around and find a school with space or phone up the LEA.

Emotionally; I moved my 4.9 year old out of her school that she had been to for a term. Only because we got our first choice after being on a waiting list. We were worried for her, but she took to the new school like a duck to water and it's all been a positive experience.

I do agree, however, that it seems a bit drastic to move your DC out of school because of one child. There may be another one lurking in the next school? Although this child does seem to be a bit extreme. Do you think the child will settle down a bit as he gets older? Also, surely the teachers will begin to understand his behaviour as they get to know him better. It all seems a bit new at the moment with the children all being in reception now. Maybe give it a bit more of a chance.

What2doWhata2do Thu 08-Oct-09 21:57:33

Sorry ment to say were not the olny one's who are having problems with him but my ds is the only one hes targeting every day all day apart from circle time so the other parents are not going into school yet.

And he started at nursery 18 mths ago, the child in question started 14 mths ago and was put in ds group

elliott Thu 08-Oct-09 22:03:19

Is there another reception class? Might be less of a drastic move if you could just change class?

What2doWhata2do Thu 08-Oct-09 22:16:14

I dont know if it will get any better but i dont think it will as i personally think because his mum lets him get away with doing these things and worse while she is with him and all you get is a "hes alright" or her laughing.

So he doesn't see whats hes doing is wrong IUCWIM and if you tell him hes hurt someone all you get is "o" before he sruges his shoulders and goes to do the same thing to someone else.

Unfortally there is only one class.

sunnydelight Fri 09-Oct-09 01:32:01

You could move him, but there are nasty kids everywhere, so unless you really want to change schools for another reason you would probably be better off trying to deal with it and staying put.

In your position I would probably just make myself a bit of a pita for the school by going in and complaining about EVERY incident you are aware of; keep a written incident log that you take with you each time. Insist on a meeting with the headteacher and ask what strategies are being put in place to keep your child safe. You won't make yourself very popular but it might force the school to take you seriously; they might start dealing with it just to get you off their backs!

jaded Fri 09-Oct-09 11:33:35

If this sort of behaviour is tolerated by teachers and staff at your son's school, can you really keep him there? There are nasty children everywhere but it is how the school handles them that's important. What does your gut instinct tell you about the school? As a parent, we can't ignore that! Find out about other schools, he's still only 4 and doesn't have to be in full time education the term after he's five. Why should he put up with that? Especially at primary level, for god's sake. You could always take him out and tell the teacher he won't be back until action is taken. Good luck

What2doWhata2do Fri 09-Oct-09 19:47:48

Thank you, ive been in again and they've got a book to write down every incerdent that my son tell them about but thats it, as to what there ment to be doing with it is anyones guess.

DadAtLarge Fri 09-Oct-09 19:55:49

That happened to my DS and the school was brilliant at sorting it out.

My two cents:

Get the school's complaint procedure.

Keep records of your DS's version every evening.

Put everything to the school in writing. Add photos where appropriate. Keep copies.

Follow the school's complaint procedure and escalate via the proper route.

Clarabel22 Fri 09-Oct-09 22:48:56

If you want to move to another school, the good ones are probably oversubscribed and you will have to go on a waiting list.
I agree there is usually a nutter in every class/year, but if your son is being targeted then you are right to be concerned.

Write to the head, don't just verbally complain to the teacher. Log everything and I agree with DadAtLarge - take photos of injuries.

I would try and wait until the end of term before rushing into a decision, but in the meantime make sure you are on at the school every time there is an incident.

Bear in mind that other parents will be complaining and as time goes on the mother may be forced to acknowledge there is a real problem and take it more seriously.

I hope things improve for you and your son.

kid Sat 10-Oct-09 18:36:40

I think when there is more than one nutter in the class is when you need to think about moving your child.
My son has 7 nutters in his class and I am now on the verge of moving him. He is on the waiting list at a very good local school.

Its a hard choice to make as you just don't know if its the right choice.

SecretSlattern Sat 10-Oct-09 19:08:07

Had a similar situation with DD. She started in a school in YR but had some trouble with another girl. The thought of them both going into Y1 was just too much (DD wasn't eating, lost her confidence, behavioural issues etc) so we enquired at another local school (one I dismissed in the application stage) and she was offered a place straight away. She started at her new school in Y1 so we gave it the full school year before making the decision to move her, although tbh, the warning signs were there pretty early on.

fridayschild Sun 11-Oct-09 11:38:03

DS2 complained about a child in nursery a lot. It didn't get as bad as having his head stamped on though, and I think the "naughty boy" wasn't picking on anyone in particular. The mum wasn't laughing it off, but she didn't really know how to handle her child. TBH in her situation I'm not sure I would either.

I spent the summer hoping they would be in different reception classes. They are in the same class, but DS2 now tells me the child is not as naughty as he used to be. query whether this is because there is a child in reception who is classified as special needs already, or whether naughty boy has just grown up a bit.

If I were you I would be really cross with the school. They are letting your child down, and their bullying policy is clearly a failure. As others have said you need to be a real pain for the school - don't worry about that aspect. It's what you need to do to look after your boy, and great that DSS is helping.

seeker Sun 11-Oct-09 18:41:16

What happens when you go in and talk to the head teacher about it? It's wrong that they catn' do anything if your dss goes with your ds to report the incidents - who told you this?

What2doWhata2do Sun 11-Oct-09 18:56:06

Thank you all again i really appicate you'r input!

I'm going back in in the morning armed with pictures of 3 different bruses on DS chest, finger print bruses and scraches on his arm along with the fact that this boys spent most of friday calling him fat (he's not at all)

What2doWhata2do Sun 11-Oct-09 19:16:34

It was the dep head who at the minute is the actting head who said they couldn't do anything.

When i go in they take notes about what i say and say that they will talk to both DS and the other boy

seeker Mon 12-Oct-09 08:59:17

Make an appointment. Ask directly what strategies they have put in place to stop this happening. Don't settle for waffle - you need to know what they have done, and what they are going to do in the future. And ask exactly what your ds is expected to do if he is hurt in the playground

If you're not satisfied, write to the Chair of Governors.

HSMM Mon 12-Oct-09 09:24:14

My DD was bullied at her first primary school. I did not move her so much because she was being bullied, but because the school were so flipping ineffective at dealing with it. The move was very hard for her, because she had made a few close friends, but I am VERY glad I did it. Her new head teacher is really pro active and deals with any issues personally on the SAME DAY that they happen.

What2doWhata2do Mon 12-Oct-09 14:09:57

Well ive been in again and they won't see me because the deputy head isn't in today and they dont want to discuss anything with me untill they have spoken to her, even though every time i have been in another teacher has taken down notes about everything that has been said on (what im hoping is both sides) but at the very least what iv'e said to them.

seeker Mon 12-Oct-09 17:16:30

Did you make an appointment?

What2doWhata2do Mon 12-Oct-09 21:35:09

Yes made an appointment i also very carmly tried to make one for tomorrow when she would be in to be told "well i dont no i supose you could come in and see ... well ... yes go on then if you HAVE TOO i dont hump"

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