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dd's 'best' friend not playing with her at school

(9 Posts)
lalaa Wed 30-Sep-09 14:38:03

Dd now in Year 2. She has had the same best friend since Week 1 in reception. In Yr 1, she was in a different class to her best friend (small school, mixed age group classes), and they both developed other friendships, but her 'best friend' was still that.

Dd still refers to this girl as her 'best friend', but is getting upset that she won't play with her at school. However, the best friend does want to come over to our house to play with our new kittens and dd is keen to make this happen.

I know girls fall out from time to time and that friendship groups change. However, I feel cross that this girl is asking to come over to see our kittens but won't play with my dd at school. It doesn't seem right somehow - I feel as though dd is being manipulated. I don't know whether to put my foot down about it, or to let best friend come over. Basically, I need advice - do I get involved or let them sort it out themselves?

colditz Wed 30-Sep-09 14:40:17

Let them sort it out themselves. Your daughter cannot own her frieends and if you wade in with only your daughter's side of the story you'll feel a right prat if it's all a bit different in reality.

Children involved are 7 at oldest. Chillax.

notnowbernard Wed 30-Sep-09 14:41:33

Agree with Colditz totally

LadyGlencoraPalliser Wed 30-Sep-09 14:42:06

Do not get involved. They will be falling out on a regular basis over the next few Do invite the child over to see the kittens.
They are still learning and developing their social skills - your child is on the receiving end this time and it is natural you feel defensive, but she may be on the other side next time. Your DD is not being manipulated, and there may well be another side to the story the other child may be trying to balance the competing needs of a group of friends while your DD is trying for exclusivity - it happens a lot. Stand back and let it work itself out.

Seeline Wed 30-Sep-09 14:42:18

Let her come over and see what happens. It may be that they play really nicely at home but have moved on to different friends at school. More the merrier in my view - makes minor fallings-out much easier to handle.

liliputlady Wed 30-Sep-09 14:46:38

Also, I would say encourage your daughter to play with other friends - may be let her have someone else round to see the kittens at another time, as well as her "best friend"

FranSanDisco Wed 30-Sep-09 14:49:36

Ds (yr 2) was split from his bf when they went into Reception. He still refers to this boy as his bf but has a group of class friends as well. There were times when ds and bf didn't play together - bf would say ds couldn't play etc or vice versa I suppose. Anyhow there have been playdates this term and they both have developed an interest in football so this draws them to each other at break. Heart breaking though it is they do work it out and make new friends.

seeker Wed 30-Sep-09 14:52:07

And be careful about the "x won't play with me" It can mean exactly that. It can also mean "On Monday I wanted to play House and X didn't want to so went and played with Y instead"

notnowbernard Wed 30-Sep-09 14:55:10

Also agree with Seeker

DD1 (when in Reception) told tales of "X, Y and Z wouldn't play with me" etc etc

Gentle examination of these accounts usually revealed that Miss Bossy Boots-- DD1 wanted to play her specific version of a game, not someone else's...

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