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OK I am new to this, I need advice about what to do

(13 Posts)
tinateaspoon Fri 25-Sep-09 21:06:20

My dd1 4.5yrs has just started reception and seems to be enjoying herself. She was really enthusiastic but now seems a bit quieter about things which I thought was to be expected after the novelty factor has worn off a bit.

At tea time tonight she suddenly said that a boy at school said he was going to kill her if she didnt kiss another boy in her class. She wasnt upset, but pensive, and asked me if she really had to kiss him if she didn't want to. She said another girl (older) told them to go away. I told her she never has to do anything another child tells her to, and to tell the teacher.

I can't tell you how upset I am, and I have to wait the whole weekend before seeing someone at the school. I really don't want to over react, I know they are young children but how do I approach this? Are older children really this manipulative at this age, scaring young ones into doing things for their own pleasure. Or is this just normal playground behaviour that I have to get used to and encourage my dd to stand up for herself at this young age. Is this bullying? Shouldn't the younger children be more closely supervised?

Please help I have been in tears over this.

merrymonsters Fri 25-Sep-09 21:16:33

I think what you've done so far is right. Just say she doesn't have to do what the other children tell her and to tell the teacher if they've said something really mean.

I don't think there's any need to tell the school about it. You should hear the things my sons say to each other. It's just kid talk and I wouldn't expect the teacher to be monitoring every conversation.

I know what it's like when you send your innocent firstborn to school and they pick up all sorts of things from the other children (especially those with older siblings). However, they really need to learn to stand up for themselves and not take it seriously.

tinateaspoon Fri 25-Sep-09 21:21:59

Thank you merrymonsters, I felt I needed some perspective - I was more upset than dd appeared to be tbh. But she is impressionable and easily lead (aren't they all at that age). Its hard sending your baby out into the big wide world. Thank you.

HumphreyCobbler Fri 25-Sep-09 21:22:15

I wouldn't worry. Your dd seems to have taken it in her stride, you gave exactly the right response. One negative interaction between children is not bullying.

Just keep an eye on things and talk to the teacher if anything else happens.

tinateaspoon Fri 25-Sep-09 21:47:06

OK I am calm now smile and you are right one incident is not bullying. When your first child starts school and starts talking like this it is hard not to overreact. She does need preparing for real life, I know that. I just wasnt prepared for it so soon.

Danthe4th Fri 25-Sep-09 21:50:41

I would just quietly mention to the teacher that if she seems a bit nervous in the playground that is why, that way you're not complaining but you are bringing it to their attention.

HumphreyCobbler Fri 25-Sep-09 21:55:51

I don't blame you for panicking. One of my first thoughts after ds was born was "What if someone is mean to him at school?" and I am a teacher blush

Anyway, if you just said to the teacher "DD is a bit worried because a boy said X" no one would think anything of it other than to keep an eye out.

tinateaspoon Fri 25-Sep-09 23:15:29

Thanks Humphrey - I will let them know just so they are aware, but I wont be confrontational because I know that wont achieve anything.

paisleyleaf Fri 25-Sep-09 23:30:49

(I found it Tina)
I'd feel the same way you are and would talk to the teacher. Like you say, in a non-confrontational way - just explaining that your DD has been put off school and is unhappy because of this incident. And hopefully they'll keep an eye on things.
(It's good she told you, and you handled it as you did - it worries me that they keep this stuff to themselves sometimes)

buy1get1free Sat 26-Sep-09 18:08:17

NO ! This is not bullying. It's a very little boy being silly and saying words he does not understand the full contents of. Just mention it to the teacher and say she was a bit worried about it. They will know the little chap concerned and if they think they need to keep an eye on him, they will. This is the start of your little ones school career - you better toughen up 'cause a lot worse could and probably will happen. HOLD TIGHT !! wink

daisy71 Mon 28-Sep-09 14:33:07

Sorry, but I disagree with other posters. I taech primary and I would want to know if this had been said in the playground. It would certainly be reported as an incident at my school and I teach in quite a tough inner city primary in London.
I think that to say to another child that he would kill her is quite serious. I wouldn't make a deal of it with her though, I think you've handled the situation with her very well.
Definitely speak to the teacher today.

daisy71 Mon 28-Sep-09 14:34:30

Sorry that's teach not taech!

tinateaspoon Mon 28-Sep-09 20:25:52

Thank you daisy71 I will speak to her teacher tomorrow. Its reassuring to have advice from someone who teaches that age group, I really appreciate you taking the time to post.

She was fine going to school today and she said she didnt see the boys again today. Now I have thought about it, I do think her teacher does need to know in case it escalates in any way as I really don't want her to feel uncomfortable going to school. It is a village school but with quite a large age range going up to year 5 so it would be very easy for the older children to exert power over the reception ones.

Thanks again smile.

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