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should I cahnge school?

(28 Posts)
A69 Thu 24-Sep-09 11:50:44

Don't know if anyone can help,but there has been an incident at my son's primary school and I'm not sure if we should leave.Basically he was accused of lying and was punished.He said he wasn't lying and ,I believe him 100%.Anyway,to cut a long story short;I thought I would speak to the head.But,we were just screamed at and,he was shouted at that he was "lying to his mother".I then had real trouble getting him back to school.I still feel appalled about it all,but would it be worse to put him in a new school?

micramummy Thu 24-Sep-09 11:55:20

you need to find out why the school seem so convinced of him lying and maybe give it a few days for everybody to calm down and think/act rationally.
don't just move schools for one incident becuase the scholl will have to pass on a report about the child and your child will also have to settle into a new place etc and it may all be easily sorted after a little while. Seems emotions are running high at the moment

A69 Thu 24-Sep-09 12:05:28

Well,it has been two weeks now.Basically,there is a football club after school.He was told to deliver a message to a teacher to tell her to supervise the children.He is certain(and I do believe him,that he did.The teacher told him to go and she would come out in a minute).but,she said he didn't!So she is lying.He had to write a letter asking for forgiveness and,that he was lucky nobody got hurt!When I just asked if I could discuss it with the head,because as a mother I have to support my child,she said that was fine.However,when I told my son to "just tell the truth",we were all screamed at.I am so unhappy when a teacher has lied and,allowed a child to be punished.What lesson does that teach him?And,I know children lie sometimes,but I know him and,we have really talked about this and,he definitely did as he was told.He has never ever been in trouble at school before and,this has made us all very unhapy.

GrimmaTheNome Thu 24-Sep-09 12:12:48

Oh dear. The head is probably being overly defensive of his teacher being accused of lying. My guess is that your son dutifully delivered the message and that the teacher replied without it really sinking in, or something else came up - this sort of thing can happen in a busy environment. She may genuinely think she wasn't told.

A69 Thu 24-Sep-09 12:19:27

But,how can I as a parent,have any respect for a Head who won't even listen to their child and,just says he is lying?And,then to completely lose her temper and shout like a madwoman?She wasn't provoked, I am not confrontational.I just believe it is always best to tell the truth,but unfortunately i think my son will just say whatever it takes to not be told off.He is terrified of her now.She really shouted at us!

MintyCane Thu 24-Sep-09 12:23:04

He shouldn't have been asked to do that anyway. It is not his responsibilty to pass messages. He is a child.

shopalot Thu 24-Sep-09 12:26:21

What year is your son? This seems a massive responsibility which should not have been given to a child. It is so difficult to comment on these things as obviously we do not know the whole story but as a teacher myself I would never rely on a child giving such an important message without checking the teacher has heard. Seems a bit unproffessional.

A69 Thu 24-Sep-09 12:33:07

He is 9.I did say that but was told they like to give responsibility to older children.But,then having to write a letter saying he was lucky no one was hurt?!!!I am visiting another school in about an hour.Feel really exhausted with it all, to be honest.Just want to emigrate!!!!Thank you for all your messages back.Just wish I knew what to do for the best.

MintyCane Thu 24-Sep-09 12:36:15

hmm Make a complaint to the school. It is the schools responsability to supervise kids pass messages and make sure everybody does not get hurt not your sons.

A69 Thu 24-Sep-09 12:41:59

Thank you.Well,once I have decided if we stay or go,then I will make the complaint.

lavenderkate Thu 24-Sep-09 12:44:20

A69, I had a smilar incident with DD2.
Long story very short I wouldnt let it drop as I completely believed DD2.

DD2 was made to publicly apologise in front of me by teacher, and humiliated in front of her friends all for being late for a private music lesson.
Eventually teacher confessed in front of other colleagues after I refused to let it drop. Gut instinct told me DD was being honest and genuinely scared of this woman.

It turned out She was the one who had turned up late and blamed my DD2 who was 7 at the time! shock. She lied and lied to my face.

I reported her to the head, and put in an official complaint about her agressive behaviour towards my DD.

She later pursued me on the street hurling abuse at me. hmm

I cannot understand why your child was given that kind of responsibilty.

I wonder if the Head's extreme reaction was because they could get into some big trouble if the children were left alone? Just a guess.

womblemeister Thu 24-Sep-09 12:47:57

They sound like an absolute shower. I was digusted to read this. The school and particularly the head "teacher" are totally, totally out of order in all respects. If it was my kid I'd get him out of there asap AND make a formal complaint to the LEA, the daily mail and anyone else who wanted to listen!!!
angry for you.

noideawhereIamgoing Thu 24-Sep-09 12:50:39

I'm quite shocked at the Head losing it with a parent - I would consider making an official complaint to the Governors - not because I would expect them to do anything (would be nice though) but because I'd want it noted - just in case the Head makes a habit of losing it with parents and children.

A69 Thu 24-Sep-09 12:55:24

Thank you all so much for your help.Feel really upset about it all.But,my concern is if we change schools,what if he doesn't settle?What if he is even more unhappy?He isn't the most confident child.If he would rather stay where he is with his friends,I suppose I will have to just keep my head down.However,my daughter will be with the teacher who lied for two years from next September.What if I have any issues with her?Who do I go to?!!

littleducks Thu 24-Sep-09 12:57:24

I'm shocked at the screaming, even if your son did lie the head is OTT to scream at him and you

A69 Thu 24-Sep-09 12:59:59

Must go now;looking at other school.Hope to look at any more feedback later.Thank you all so much for your support!!!

womblemeister Thu 24-Sep-09 13:03:12

How will having to keep your head down help your kids? The point is surely that this form teacher, and the head, have shown themselves to be totally unprofessional and, what's even worse for a "caring" profession, unapproachable and aggressive, even. How can you be sure that your children are being taught the right values at school with that lot?

MintyCane Thu 24-Sep-09 13:07:01 out-schools-guidance-for-parents

shopalot Thu 24-Sep-09 13:08:27

I think you should make an appointment with the head to discuss it further but take someone else with you. Your dp or your Mum or anyone just to observe and be there. I would then write down in points all the things you need to mention and calmly go though it all with the head. Demanding an explanation. Then if not satisfied I would report it in the same diplomatic fashion. It does sound to me as if the teacher is covering it up but there must be more to it. Good luck

smee Thu 24-Sep-09 14:47:24

If you son's largely happy, then even though what happened is woeful, I'd think very hard about moving him. Have you been happy with the school up to now? It's a massive deal to move schools.

A69 Thu 24-Sep-09 16:11:00

Well,looked at the other school this afternoon and,still undecided!I know it is a huge deal to move schools and,ultimately I must think of my children's happiness.But,yes the Head was totally unprofessional and,the teacher is a complete liar!Not great role models for my children.

katiestar Thu 24-Sep-09 19:41:08

It is largely irrelevant whether he delivered the message or not.The point is that the school should never let the safety of a group of children depend upon a 9 year old child delivering a message.
They have been negligent and they know it.Passing the buck to a 9 yr old is absolutely unforgiveable.
TBH it sounds as if things aren't right at the school and you and your DS have been in the wrong place at the wrong time.I'd bide your time and see what happens

A69 Thu 24-Sep-09 20:21:30

Think I will have to give it more time.But,he has already had sleepless nights worrying about getting told off again.Can't actually believe it happened.Like I said,he has never even been told off in class before!

1dilemma Thu 24-Sep-09 22:26:26

I would contact govs TBH

lavenderkate unbelievable story what happened in the end did teacher apologise?

we too have a dc who was accused of doing something (biting not likely they are just not biters) my dh persisted and we got a very unsatisfactory brush off response, however we just let it drop (we're picking our battles!)

smee Fri 25-Sep-09 10:00:43

Is it worth going back to the Head, asking for an appointment (without your son) and having an honest chat about it? It doesn't have to be confrontational if you say you've been happy up to now, and your son too, but now he's having sleepless nights - ie guilt trip her a bit. There are ways of getting your point across is all I'm trying to say. You could gently remind her that it's totally out of character for him (and you!) to be shouted at by her seemed disproportionate and far from necessary. Might make you feel better and maybe even her. If she's even half way decent she'll have realised she behaved badly and might welcome a chance to meet you half way.

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