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What else can I do?

(9 Posts)
asdx2 Tue 22-Sep-09 12:19:13

DD 6 has autism and sensory processing difficulties and finds eating in school very difficult as it causes her huge anxiety.
Following advice from her paediatrician I feed her a substantial breakfast and and a good dinner so as to minimise the effects of her not eating lunch (she is the right size and weight for her age)
This was after trying a room on her own to eat, with a friend, with LSA etc failed to yield any results
I have put a note in her lunchbox, made the dinnerladies, head, her teacher and LSA aware of the difficulties.
Still the dinnerladies fail to take on board my instructions not to ask dd to eat, not to comment on what is in her lunchbox nor to comment if she does manage to eat.
It really is like bashing your head against a brick wall as they don't seem to grasp that if they ask her to eat her anxiety becomes so great that she can't physically eat. If they comment on what is in her lunchbox then she won't eat it and will then refuse to have it in there again and if she does manage to eat it shouldn't be commented on because it puts her under pressure to eat the next time.
Have I missed something obvious that I should do to get them to follow my instructions because they really aren't grasping the fact that they are doing more harm than good and if I and ultimately her Paed is happy that she is eating enough then why isn't that good enough?

kreecherlivesupstairs Tue 22-Sep-09 12:34:36

Do the dinner ladies know who she is? I know at my dd's school, any medical/social issues are on a board in the staff room. The details of what is wrong are accompanied by a photograph, so, if Bobby Bigbum has allergies people are able to put a name to a face. would it be worth sending or taking a letter with a photo of your dd to the school?

RustyBear Tue 22-Sep-09 12:37:03

We have the same system at the junior school I work at, and in addition have pictures actually in the kitchen, so all the dinner staff are aware.

TeamEdwardTango Tue 22-Sep-09 12:37:41

You've just got to keep on reminding them.
Kreecher's photo + explaination idea is a good one.
I'm sure they are just trying to be helpful.

asdx2 Tue 22-Sep-09 12:48:35

Well they are supposed to as each class has a dedicated dinner lady who has been told repeatedly as has head dinnerlady.
Seeing as each class eats individually and her dinnerlady will always say hello Lucy when we see her and there is a big note in her lunchbox and her LSA settles her in the dining hall I think it's highly unlikely they don't know who or why?
Maybe they think I will give them brownie points if they can get dd to eathmm

TeamEdwardTango Tue 22-Sep-09 17:44:24

OK. I think you've done all you can!! Just keep pushing them.
Try bribing the LSA's with stickers and the promise of Golden Time. It works with the children... grin

cornsillk Tue 22-Sep-09 17:47:16

The head should be supervising this to make sure that this doesn't happen. Either dinnerladies have not been fully informed or are choosing to ignore.

MintyCane Tue 22-Sep-09 18:32:13

asdx2 I have a very similar situation with my dd who has anxiety issues. It is rather like banging your head against a brick wall isn't it. Many of them do not understand SN kids. I had to talk to the dinner ladies individually. They still looked at me like I was insane and that my dd would eat/talk/be average if encouraged. They did not realise how much harm they were doing. I think sometimes people want to be the one that made the kid eat or somthing strange isn't it. hmm

asdx2 Wed 23-Sep-09 11:17:40

Really do think that it's a case of "I will get this child to eat by giving her all my attention and mum will be so happy"
Anyway another meeting, all dinnerladies have been told individually and at length again that they are to follow the advice of the paediatrician and draw no attention to Lucy in the dining hall (she always chooses the same seat so it's even simpler).
It seems that they thought that I'd be happier if they coaxed her to eat and were concerned she might be hungryhmm
Headteacher has now advised them that it is a medical matter not a case of a child being picky and they are to follow the paediatricians advice as they would for any child with individual dietary requirements.
So we shall see, head is hoping that using those terms they will consider it as serious as a child with a severe allergy and be super cautious to follow the advice given.
At least with that advice from the head if I have to complain again he can give them a rollickinggrin

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