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My 4 year old says that a bigger boy at school was kicking him.

(35 Posts)
nevergoogledragonbutter Fri 18-Sep-09 19:57:43

He says there is a naughty boy at his school. On Thursday the naughty boy told him he was going to squash his head. On Friday the naughty boy was kicking him in the playground while the teachers were having their lunch.

He pointed the boy out to DH and told him at school pick up. DH spoke to his teacher who assured him that on Monday he could point him out and they would sort it.

I asked him later what he did when the boy was kicking him and he said he shouted, 'YOU'RE STUPID' which later turned into 'i smacked him in the face'.

He says the other boy is older and probably about 30. hmm

What on earth do you do when you just don't know what's happened?
He seems more angry and annoyed than upset.

What now? He only started school about 4 weeks ago and he's already attracting the attention of a bully!

nevergoogledragonbutter Fri 18-Sep-09 20:15:32


Hassled Fri 18-Sep-09 20:19:02

The teachers may have been having their lunch but there would have been staff in the playground. Obviously they can't see everything, but an adult would have been around - maybe tell your son to find the dinner lady if anything like this happens again?

If he's not too upset, don't spend the weekend fretting. You'll know more on Monday - maybe ask the teacher to ask whoever was on playground duty if they know more.

nevergoogledragonbutter Fri 18-Sep-09 20:23:08

i'm going to try not mention it over the weekend but not sure i won't fret.

Hassled Fri 18-Sep-09 20:47:04

Yes - "don't fret" is one of those easy to say, impossible to do comments, isn't it? Sorry.

nevergoogledragonbutter Fri 18-Sep-09 20:48:34

no, thanks for responding.
I just didn't think we'd be straight into dealing with bullies this early on.
I'm ready to slap the boys mother and am sure that's not going to be the best idea.

nevergoogledragonbutter Sat 19-Sep-09 07:22:45

I had a horrible dream that DS walked into my work and he'd been beaten very badly. He was all puffy and bruised and obviously in pain all over. He also only looked about 2 or 3.

It was awful. Not fretting hasn't worked then!

Goblinchild Sat 19-Sep-09 07:59:49

'he's already attracting the attention of a bully'

Could be that you haven't got the whole picture from your precious child, just the bits that registered with him.
Maybe he yelled 'You're stupid' and hit before he got kicked. Perhaps he did something else to trigger a poor response from the other child.
We see quite a lot of this from some Reception children, which is why the whole school is constantly reminded that if they have a problem with the little ones behaving like arrogant little barbarians they are to find an adult rather than acting on it themselves. Likewise if reception have a worry, they go to an adult. We also have peer mediators who wear special hats.
Little ones often have no idea how annoying they can be to older children, and that's why we have MDS to watch and support everyone using the playground so that Reception become a happy and aware part of the school community.
Now you have flagged it up, the lunchtime staff can monitor your child more closely and intervene at an early stage to sort out problems, and they can inform the teachers so that it can be followed up in different ways.

Goblinchild Sat 19-Sep-09 08:02:39

By all means, go and have a conversation with the teacher and share your concerns. She should also be able to give you a broader picture of how your son is in the classroom and when playing in the playground. And it's a better choice than punching the mother of a 30 year old.

buy1get1free Sat 19-Sep-09 08:06:36

I think 'bully' is a rather 'strong' word to use in these circumstances and you are completely over reacting to what's happened "I'm ready to slap the boys mother" Hope this was said tongue in cheek hmm Yes, it's awful when your dc is at the end of this kind of behaviour but:
1. You only have your ds's side of the story, so far &
2. The other boy is still a child
There will other incidences like this in your son's school life. I would just re-iterate to him that this is not the way to behave and make sure he lets an adult know as soon as anything happens. If the other child is usually like this, he will be known to the teachers. Also, there will always be lunchtime supervisors in the playground while teachers have their lunch. Apologies if I sound blaze about it, but having had 2 boys go through all this myself, it really is part of growing up - obviously 'real' bullying should be nipped in the bud. Sadly, he'll meet similar people throughout his life.

purepurple Sat 19-Sep-09 08:08:42

Welcome to school life, where you only ever get half a story grin

bruffin Sat 19-Sep-09 08:36:14

Have to agree with Goblinchild you need to keep an open mind,when DS was in Yr2 he was followed round the playground for weeks by 2 little reception boys. They could be pretty annoying and would kick his ankles etc and just be genuine nuisance,he had enough one day and kicked one back,thankfully he wasn't in too much trouble. They were in my DD's class and sometimes on saturday morning we would bump into one of the boys on Saturday morning on the way to swimming,he used to walk a long way behind us because he was scared of the little boy who only came up to his shouldergrin

Headmistress explained that when they start school boys often admire and look up to the older boys and want their attention but don't know how to relate to them to get it and just end up annoying them.

Goblinchild Sat 19-Sep-09 08:41:37

We had one reception PFB who would march up to a child with a toy she wanted and yell 'You aren't sharing and that's BAAAAADDDD!'
Then she'd take the toy, whilst the older child stood paralysed with indecision and bewilderment. Especially if the child was in KS2 and filled with fear that saying no made them a bully.
She's a lovely girl in Y5 now, but I sometimes look at her and remember...

nevergoogledragonbutter Sat 19-Sep-09 10:10:40

Well thanks for accusations of overreacting and being PFB.
That really helps hmm

bruffin Sat 19-Sep-09 10:42:55

In our case one of the mothers saw DS kick her little angel. Their house backed onto the school and was in the garden at lunch time watching the playground.She rang up the headmistress and had a go, but as I said she really didn't have the full story as her DS had been bothering my DS for weeks. Thankfully school knew my DS was not the bullying type and were very understanding.They had seen it happen so many times before.

We are just trying to say to you keep an open mind, you don't know the full story yet.

buy1get1free Sat 19-Sep-09 11:13:56

NGDB How is telling you what you want to hear going to help you either? I don't understand why mums post on MN and then get all huffy with other peoples opinions and advise. If you don't like it, you could just keep your head in the sand.

Ponders Sat 19-Sep-09 11:24:17

IME you very rarely get the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the truth from any child, even much older ones - took me a looong time to learn that! grin

(As my pfb was quite meek, well-behaved & truthful, recognising spin when it hit me later wasn't easy)

nevergoogledragonbutter Sat 19-Sep-09 14:48:34

I was really posting to ask how I find out the truth of what happened fully aware that I was not being told the whole story.

I think the use of PFB is rude in this case as I would be just as upset if DS2 was saying the same thing. I am NOT being precious, just trying to find out how to deal with this situation.

Like I said in OP ,"What on earth do you do when you just don't know what's happened?"

Ok, so 4 year olds are annoying sometimes, does that mean it's ok for a bigger kid to kick him?

Ponders Sat 19-Sep-09 15:05:23

No, of course not - but then you don't yet know that kicking actually took place - as you say, what do you do when you don't know what's happened? The whole story could be fantasy.

I think you've done all you can at this point - the school is aware that your DS may have a problem with this bigger boy & hopefully will be able to keep an eye on them.

Does your DS know that there are playground supervisors at lunchtime?

southernbelle77 Sat 19-Sep-09 15:58:39

I think this is why at our school the reception have their own playground for at least the first term, so they can learn the 'playground rules' before being mixed in with older ones! They do get to 'play' with year 1's at times as they have a little play area at the back of their classrooms but it means the little ones are surrounded by all the big children from the off!

I can imagine it must be horrible, OP, that you don't know what happened and it's your ds that was hurt. I'm sure there is more to the story and hopefully you will find out more on Monday, but if not then at least the teachers and playground staff can keep an eye out. I'd ask the teacher to make sure your ds knows who the staff on the playground are too so he can go up to them if he is frightened or upset.

My dd hates it when people chase her. Last year she said there were some older children chasing her around. I tried to explain to her that if she ran away from them then they might think she was actually playing their game with them so instead she should just stand still and tell them 'No'! Seems it may have worked as it seemed to stop happening after a while.

Goblinchild Sat 19-Sep-09 16:18:36

Dragonbutter, I have not accused you of having a PFB, I have no idea whether he's your first or your fourteenth child.
And no, it's never OK for a 4 year old to believe he's been kicked.
Which is why you need to involve the adults in school who will observe what's actually happening and give you a disinterested account of events, sort out some strategies and generally try and ensure that all the children are happy, unthreatened and confident in school.

ICANDOTHAT Sat 19-Sep-09 16:25:18

Been there, done that, got a XXL t-shirt grin

MollieO Sat 19-Sep-09 17:58:11

I think it is rather accusatory to label the other child a bully without knowing what actually happened.

Speak to the teacher. Tell your ds to tell the teacher or whomever is on duty if anything else happens, rather than seemingly waiting to tell your dh first.

nevergoogledragonbutter Sat 19-Sep-09 18:01:23

seemingly what? hmm

foxinsocks Sat 19-Sep-09 18:03:14

lol poor dragon

I tell you, it was an eye opener for me when ds started school. All dd worried about was who she was playing with in the playground and skipping games etc.

Ds has had black eyes, v nasty bruised ribs, got involved in a game where they played sort of human skittles on a hill (10 boys would line up and they'd take turns rolling down the hill trying to knock them all down lol - you can imagine the bruises with that!). Tbh, he likes playing football the most so that's what he does most break times.

It takes quite a long time for boys to negotiate the rough and tumble of the playground.

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