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Please come and talk to me, really upset over a silly thing.

(17 Posts)
TitsalinaBumsquash Fri 18-Sep-09 16:23:07

DS started school full time this week and i have been called in today, his teacher says he is really struggling to listen and to do as he is told. She has said that he has had to be physically removed from things in order to stop him doing them. Also he is growling at the teachers when they are trying to stop him doing something.

He is the same at home and this isn't somthing that worries me to much, hopefully we can work with the teachers to overcome this.

The main concern is that i said to her we struggled at home and i thought it was to do with ds's very disprupted home life due to his ealth and many hospital visits ect. Her reply was 'Yes he is very young, in himself i mean, he stands out a bit because of it.'

I stupidly didnt ask her to elaborate what she ment so it will have to wait untill Monday but now im really upset.
I have noticed that his drawring isnt as advanced as other children, he tends to scribble where as the others draw stick men and things, he cant write his name, his attempts are usually backwards and again the other children can, im not sure if this is what she ment. He is 5 and the eldest in the class.

Any kind words or even a very un mn hug,this is my first school experience, DS is my eldest and im in a bit of a tizz.

Pyrocanthus Fri 18-Sep-09 16:49:45


I don't have any amazing advice, but try not to worry about it all weekend. I've known children who have had health problems when they were little who have sometimes been immature in their behaviour because it's been more difficult for their parents to get into a routine, and to set firm boundaries. If that's what it is, then you can work on it gradually.

Is he in better health now?

LuluMamaaaaarrrrr Fri 18-Sep-09 16:51:38

is he getting any extra support due to his health issues? is it possible for him to do half days? do school have some strategies in place?

it is v v early days

MmeLindt Fri 18-Sep-09 16:53:57

(((hugs)) Poor you.

Don't worry too much about it, I have known lots of children who wrote their names backwards. Not sure if there is a reason for it.

If it helps put it into perspective, in Germany, where DD started school they don't even start school until 6yo so are not writing until they are almost 7yo. there is no right and wrong age to learn writing and if he is having trouble setting then I am sure that his teacher will help him.

It is good that his teacher is aware of the problem and is seeking you out right at the beginning to find out what can be done to help him.

How is he now? Does he still have a lot of hospital visits?

TotalChaos Fri 18-Sep-09 16:57:13

sorry the school start has been stressful. bear in mind that this is a two way job between you and school - don't be afraid to ask the teacher what she would suggest to help with these "issues" and what she can do in the classroom to help him.

piscesmoon Fri 18-Sep-09 17:01:10

Don't worry, she just means that he is immature for his age. I would go in on Monday and ask what you can do at home to help. As TotalChaos says,make it plain that you want to work with them.

preciouslillywhite Fri 18-Sep-09 17:06:47

IME a lot of children who start full time school have difficulties in sitting down/sitting still/leaving activities they're doing...a Reception teacher once told me that she spent most of the year just getting the kids to get in the habit of doing what they're told! for writing backwards, one of my dds did this in Reception and the teachers didn't remark on it- I don't think it's that unusual.

Tits bet by half term he'll realise what's expected of him, have settled down and this will all seem a world away smile

TitsalinaBumsquash Fri 18-Sep-09 17:07:53

Thanks, in answer to your question Pyro no he isn't better in health he has cystic fibrosis so the hospital visits are ongoing.

I can't understand in what way he is imiture, i don't know how 5yr old boys are supposed to act, he doesn't seem any different from his friends!

I will speak to the teacher on Monday she seems like lovely lady and i will do everything i can to work with her to sort it out.

There is a care plan in place at scholl but its more geared towards making sure he gets his medication and phyio rather than behaviour.

His behavious at home has been better if anything. I just wanted chool to be the one place where he wouldnt be different and stand out, but its seems apparent that wont be the case even this early on.

Pyrocanthus Fri 18-Sep-09 17:21:25

I'm so sorry Titsalina, I didn't know that. I can't see how any discussion about his behaviour can ignore the fact that he is coping with a serious condition.

What I meant by immature was the sort of thing you described in your OP - not ready to settle down and do what the teacher asks, not that that's particularly unusual at 5.

You do need to have a big talk with the teacher, so that he can be helped to fit in to the class happily. Try and have a good weekend.

TitsalinaBumsquash Fri 18-Sep-09 17:24:28

Thank you, i will do. smile

MmeLindt Fri 18-Sep-09 17:44:07

I am sorry, I did not know that he has CF. Obviously the school will take his health problems into consideration.

DS is 5yo and cannot sit still for long either. Even story time is a challenge (at home anyway) as he hops about and wriggles around. I don't think that is unusual.

He is better when he is active. I have even noticed a difference if we take the car or walk to school, he seems more settled when we walk.

roundabout1 Sat 19-Sep-09 14:24:36

Sorry to hear of your lo's problems at school, you have a lot on your plate. Perhaps have another chat with the teacher nxt week, there's a huge difference in abilities in my dd's class & a lot of the kids are just scribbling. My dd is struggling emotionally at school but enjoys the structured stuff when she's told what to do. At home though it is impossible for her to sit still after being atschool all day. In her words she spends hours having to sit still at school & just can't sit still anymore. I thin they expect a lot from our lo's & it's such early days for them being in a school setting. Try not to worry & enjoy your weekend x

AllyOodle Sun 20-Sep-09 14:18:06

I agree with PPs - talk to the teacher and see how you can help at home. Roundabout is right, they expect a lot from kids who aren't used to school.

My DD's reception teacher seems to be fantastic at her very difficult job, but hasn't struck me as very tactful with adults. Yours may be the same. I would be pretty upset at "He stands out a bit", especially when he has this ongoing serious health condition, it's the last thing you want to hear. But he's only just started, as a PP mentioned, he will almost certainly come on quickly as he starts to get used to what's expected.

The points on letting them be active are also good. My DD (just started reception, turns 5 in Jan) keeps running away, because at nursery she could just go outside whenever she felt like it. She used to spend all 5 hours out there and cry when she was called in for a snack!

Re the writing backwards, I wondered whether he is left-handed? My sister was, and wrote from right to left when she first started.
Arabic and Hebrew are written the opposite way, there is no "natural" way for them to write. Like so much else, it's something they will learn in time.

Good luck tomorrow

Elibean Sun 20-Sep-09 14:55:19

Another ((hug)) and re the writing backwards: half of dd's class couldn't write at all (including the eldest girl) when they started Reception. By half way through the year, half of them were writing - mostly backwards, or at least some of their letters backwards. By the end of the year, most could write a bit, one or two not much more than their names - like reading, writing is something that some kids 'get' at different ages. Much like walking, for that matter (both my dds walked late) smile

As for the being young in himself...FWIW, I think those (of any age) who are busy dealing with huge life issues of any sort, including chronic health issues, are busy learning and growing up about things the rest of us don't know about till much later. It leaves less room for learning some of the other stuff that we may take for granted. It will all even out...your ds may be very mature for his years in some ways, and at the same time young in terms of settling in to school: he'll get there, and his special strengths will be seen and valued later on - I bet!

I agree with all those who say talk to the teachers, and get them onside so you can wwork together to help your ds feel part of things. I would definitely go back to his teacher and ask how he 'stood out' and what she meant, and express your concern about it...tbh, I don't think that was a very helpful way to put it. Though start of the year is stressful for teachers as well as children/parents, maybe she's finding it hard going too.

Hope next week feels easier, good luck tomorrow!

risingstar Sun 20-Sep-09 19:00:50

I think when you speak to the teacher, be mega positive. respect her perspective after all she has seen hundreds of 5 years old. be quite clear that you have high aspirations for your child and you want her help/advice about what you can do at home to reinforce the behaviours at school. i would seriously think only about behaviours for this year,rather than heap on worries about writing, many many kids find this hard. maybe you could do a star chart or similar for each time the teacher tells you he has done what was required?

corriefan Sun 20-Sep-09 19:20:04

I also think you should have another word with the teacher to make sure you're working towards the same goals and show her you want to support him settling in. Just focus on one thing for now and the most important thing is probably him doing what he's told at school in terms of behaviour and this will help him fit in socially as well.

Maybe a reward scheme for everytime he leaves something when he's asked, sits down when he's asked, puts something away etc. Just specifying that it's good to do those thing might help him.

MoonTheLoon Mon 21-Sep-09 11:12:53

Try not to worry too much, it's only his first week at school and if he is not used to that environment it will take him a while to get used to it. My DS went to nursery and was used to that environment but his teacher still had words with me about the fact that he doesn't always listen to her and talks to others. Also she told me several times through reception that he was 'young' for his age but I think this just meant he wasn't as rough and tumble/streetwise as it certainly doesn't relate to his education level. I think first borns are often 'young' for their age as they don't learn behaviour from older siblings and I think we, as parents, mollycoddle them a bit.

Do talk to your teacher though and, as Ringstar says, do it with a positve attitude. Good luck.

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