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Talk to me about friendship issues and girls-please

(6 Posts)
miggy Wed 16-Sep-09 16:49:15

Havent posted here for ages but am getting really stressed about this
Have 3 dcs, ds1 is 15 mildly dyspraxic and aspergers struggled socially at school but flourished yr9 upwards at a different school where he was celebrated for his academic skills, DS2 is 12 and happy go lucky, mates with everyone, had 3 holidays with school mates this summer.
dd is 10 and is sociable, pretty, fashionable, desperate to conform and fit in (I mentioned about my others so you would see I know where Im coming from in terms of kids social skills-ifyswim) but has no friends at school. She is outgoing, goes to orchestra,book clubs you name it, just hasnt got a friend.
Last year she was on the edge of a little group of 2 very close girls but this year I think either they are pushing her out or she has realised that they are never going to include her. Last night she was really fragile having been on another school trip and being the billy no mates sitting on the coach on her own.
I could cry for her but dont know what to do to help her. She says that the problem is that lots of people have been friends since nursery (school goes all the way through) and she fell out with her long time friend beginning of last year and cant find anyone else.
We are arranging for her to change schools next year as I am so desperate for her.
It never mattered with my son, he didnt "need" friends but she craves acceptance. Her teachers say she gets on well with everyone, she isnt bossy or nasty maybe just too shy to stick herself forward
any one got any ideas?

MrsSaxon Wed 16-Sep-09 20:21:30

No ideas, just a big hug! Reminds me of me at that age, and I turned out fine(ish)

I totally understand what you mean about nursery affecting the rest of their school years.

Her experience now will shape the person she becomes, all part of lifes rich tapestry!
Is it possible for her to do some out of school activities so she has a group of friends not associated with school.

She sounds like a lovely girl, just tell her to be her own woman, she will be fine. smile

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Wed 16-Sep-09 21:24:13

Girls can be awful

My dd is 6 in Nov and is in a class of 30 with 24 boys. Three of the girls give her a hard time and wont play with her one day then allow her the next. DD is mature looking for age and is tall,already loosing teeth and so on and one of the girls mums said her dd was jealous as my dd is always first to do stuff hmm

At last parents evening the teacher told me dd cries a lot and i try to encurage her to play with the other girls which she has thankfully started to do. We have had these girls over for tea and play dates which helps

I have cried for her too. Seriously I pictured myself repeating that scene from the film The Hand that rocks the cradle!!

spudmasher Wed 16-Sep-09 21:32:41

I have just soothed a sobbing year 6 spudette to sleep saying that she has no friends. Awful. She is quite clever and in rehearsals for west end show at the moment and I feel this is the jealous backlash or she has got cocky and mouthy showing off. But whatever it is it is not nice. Girls can be unpleasant and for that reason I am ruling out a single sex school for next year.

All we can do is love them and bolster the self esteem giving advice and nurturing positive relationships where possible. Love and listen.

t875 Sat 19-Sep-09 09:18:48

My daughter went through the same sort of. She was best friends with 2 girls in rec yr 1 and yr2 and it was going great until one of the girls started wanting her friend to herself and started being nasty and pushing my daughter out.

We started picking up on this happening and was worried that she was going to be left in the lurch at juniors so we advised her to mix around with other children in her class.

Over at juniors they werent together but lots of the children in infants had bonded in their groups so they were all friends aleady but luckily a new girl joined from another school and they have been best friends, its been very relieving as we were very worried.

I hope things settle down and the new school goes ok for her, she sounds a lovely child.
All the very best to her. smile

katiestar Sat 19-Sep-09 13:35:22

My DD1 is in a mixed Y4/5/6 class and I would say that few of the girls , if ant have a 'permanant best friend.They play as a group and their best friend/worst enemy seems to change on an almost daily basis.Also the one who doesn't have a partner for something is the one doesn't push herself foreward and grab one it is NOT because she is unpopular.
I suspect this is the same with your DD she is popular with everyone just not pushy.She will be fine
Just reassure her that she is a friendly likeable child

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