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ds accused of bullying a younger child

(10 Posts)
crazedupmom Tue 15-Sep-09 23:01:24

Ds is 8 and is in year 4 at school have never had any real problems with him and has always had very good reports.
Today his teacher asked to have a word with me on picking ds up and she said that a parent had phoned up the school this morning to say that ds is bullying her child and that we are talking physical bullying kicking. hitting etc.
The child in question is in year 1 and is also the younger brother of a boy in ds's class.
I was quite surprised by this allegation and so is ds's class teacher as its not something she herself would expect of ds I must point out that it wasn,t her that confronted ds after the phone call was recieved but the teacher in charge of the other year 4 class why that was I do not know.
Apparently ds admitted to it straight away.
I have questioned ds and he says that its the two brothers that bother him and that when he tries to go off and tell the teacher they both block him.
Now when all of the children are coming out of school the older brother seems friendly enough towards ds and I don,t detect any nastiness at all and the younger brother who ds is supposed to be bullying seems fine around ds if anything I get the impression that the older lad really wants to be pally with ds but ds is not that bothered.
I can,t help but feel that its just children messing around and maybe something has gone on but not really bullying.
I do suspect that the parenst of these two brothers may have a bit of a reputation for this sort of thing amongst other parents but I am not completely sure so I need to try and find out a bit more about what sort of family they are.
I do know that the older brother is known as smelly so and so and the family have a reputation for been dirty, unkempt, and I suspect this has left the children open to some bullying at school.
I also know that ds has been influenced into calling the older lad smelly because other classmates do it and I have told him that is wrong this was before the allegation.
I had asked ds why he had admitted it if not guilty and he said because he would have got into worse trouble, as it is he has two detentions.
So how do I handle this now do I just ride it out and see what happens and only investigate further if any more allegations are made against ds.
Ds did come home with a red mark on his arm today said that the younger brother had bitten him.

kreecherlivesupstairs Wed 16-Sep-09 07:34:27

I would imagine (and hope) that the school will be keeping an eye on this situation in light of the allegations. No advice at all, but, if you know your son is telling the truth it wouldn't hurt to report the bite. Not in a tit for tat sort of way, rather so there is a record of it.

crazedupmom Wed 16-Sep-09 08:10:10

Anyone else please is it worth talking to the parents

allaboutme Wed 16-Sep-09 08:12:52

i wouldnt talk to the parents.
talk to is teacher again. tell them that ds has said he has not been bullying, only admitted it before due to being worried. also now this other boy has bitten him and can she please keep a close eye on the situation.

cory Wed 16-Sep-09 08:13:00

sorry, I missed the part of your post where your ds retracted his statement and firmly stated that he has not hit or kicked the other boys

saying "it's them bothering me" is not the same as saying he is innocent

I was also a bit hmm at the part of your post where you said "ds has been influenced into calling the older lad smelly"

assuming that your ds does not have learning difficulties, surely he is responsible for his own actions?

I know you said you told him it was wrong, but it does seem a bit that you are jumping to conclusions that any situation involving your ds is bound to be somebody else's fault

perhaps it's just the way your post was worded

did your ds actually deny ever having hit or kicked?

naturally you need to tell the school about the bite though

cluckyagain Wed 16-Sep-09 08:14:02

Honestly - I wouldn't talk to the parents. They have reported the bullying so will have their side of the story. I would leave it to the school who will see the situation in full. I would report the bite and explain what you suspect and ask if the school could keep a really close eye on it. Keep talking to your DS and to the school. Good luck x

nickschick Wed 16-Sep-09 08:16:20

No dont approach the parents.

Wether or not the family is unkempt is no reason to accept bullying (which Im not saying you are just feel it was unneccesary).

Wrt your ds I would make an appointment to see the class teacher and explain what you have here and whilst you wont have your child be a bully nor will you allow him to be bullied,and that you think the boys all need to reminded about respecting each others space etc and positive relationships should be encouraged.

A good teacher will recognise you are supporting the schools ideals and will work towards a positive outcome.

Also at 8 they do 'develop' attitude and it may (or may not) be that perhaps your ds is behaving unfavourably towards these boys - be careful to know the full story -trust me ive been there wink.

crazedupmom Wed 16-Sep-09 13:50:01

Okay I do think that what I said about ds been influenced into calling the older lad smelly was probably a bit of a stupid statement.
I suppose what I was trying to say was that kids in general tend to follow the majority on opinions of others.
The older lad has always seemed nice enough to me and I have said to ds that he shouldn,t go along with others calling him smelly.
ds has admitted he sort of slapped the younger boy his words but don,t know whether he was provoked or what.
That aside I wouldn,t for a minute presume that ds is an angel indeed he has developed an attitude can be cheeky, bolshy ignorant at home and I am wondering if some of this behaviour is spilling over at school in the way of tough silly behaviour.
I am going to talk to his teacher again today to explain what ds has said and will casually mention the mark on his arm.

cory Wed 16-Sep-09 14:10:23

three things to do here:

first, impress on your ds that there is never an excuse for slapping another child, that he will get punished if he does that and that you will support the school; you don't need to speculate as to why he is doing it, just make sure he knows he mustn't

secondly, make sure that he understands that this cuts both ways: the other boys must not hurt him either and if they do then he must speak to the teacher or a dinner lady straight away

thirdly, speak to the school to make sure they are keeping an eye on all the boys

crazedupmom Wed 16-Sep-09 20:06:44

I have spoken to his teacher again and told her what ds told me and they are now observing the situation.
I have explained to ds that he is not to retaliate in the way of hitting, slapping etc but to go and tell a teacher when he gets the opportunity.
Ds says that they keep coming over to him.
I have also found out today that the parents of these lads have a reputation for either phoning or going down the school for the slightest of things you dare not even breathe on their children is what one mother said to me
I think this could possibly be the parents blowing all of this up.
One of ds's mates told me that the older brother went and told the teacher that ds slapped his brother but that he was there and knows that ds didn,t.

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