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DS1 (6) first friendship problems - how would you deal with it if you knew then what you know now (calling all dads especially)

(5 Posts)
lingle Tue 15-Sep-09 11:51:51

DS1 (6) has awed me with his social skills to date. His best friend R is perhaps one of the most popular boys in the class and another lad has long been jealous as he'd like to be R's best mate (I get jealous too so oddly enough I understand).

At the start of Year 2 the other lad is trying very hard to push DS1 aside - telling the best friend he doesn't like DS1, gluing himself to best friend's side, mocking DS1's playful behaviour. You can see it happening in the playground and DS1 told me yesterday of whisperings (he said, "I don't understand why he doesn't like me - after all he's been to my house").

It could be worse. They could be girls <shudders at the memories>

So, all of you, especially all you men, (please ask your partners) knowing what you know now, what would you do in DS2's position? I'm thinking "stay cool", "pretend you haven't noticed" and "be nice to everyone" are the order of the day. I don't think talking about it outside the family or complaining will work. DS1 is prone to self-pity and we all know that never brings people to you, only away from you.

DS1's playskills are pretty good but he'll happily play with his 4-year-old brother and still likes trains - so less mature than some - but no problems with invading personal space, that kind of thing, and plenty of people want to be his friend.

PS you are allowed to flame me. I know this is a non-problem or at least a universal problem. I have lots of real problems with DS2 so allow me to luxuriate in relation to a teeny weeny problem relating to DS1 for once grin

PPS. Yes, I was socially isolated as a child and therefore over-react.

choccyp1g Tue 15-Sep-09 12:25:05

The phrase that springs to mind is "2s company, 3s a crowd".. So rather than jpstling in a threesome, is there a fourth boy that DS could involve ? they could then be a "gang" but any two could be friends at any point.

smee Tue 15-Sep-09 12:30:29

I am not a dad (!) but I do have similar with my DS (5), who is in a group of three friends. I'd say listen but don't make a massive deal out of it. I try not to take the lead, but get him to talk about why he thinks they're doing whatever, and then we talk about how he reacted and if it was the best way through. I really don't think you should worry unless he's being bullied as from my experience it changes day by day. Best thing your DS can do is be told to treat them as he'd like to be treated and don't over react as chances are next day it will be totally different. We've also made play dates outside his little gang which has helped, as it's diluted the intensity! Now if his mates are being annoying he's worked out the best thing to do is to shrug, walk away and play with someone else. Am v. proud of him for this, and it seems to work as they always come back for him. grin

smee Tue 15-Sep-09 12:32:56

I agree with Choccy, three's most definitely a tricky number.

lingle Tue 15-Sep-09 19:20:49

that's good advice, thanks both of you.

I'm a "How to Listen so your kids will talk" devotee so haven't offered any advice - just commented that perhaps the other lad was jealous.

Thanks for letting me talk about it here. Talking about it here is the alternative to getting uptight about it in real life IYSWIM and DS1 would soon spot the signs of that....

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