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What do you do when your child has no school to go to in September?? I really need some help please.

(125 Posts)
FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Wed 19-Aug-09 11:46:10

It's fluffy bunny.
I have written some threads about ds in the past, he's waiting to be assessed for aspergers and has previously had real problems at the schools he's been at because he comes across as rude, he can't read social situations very well, he panics and is silly. He's moved school's a few times because of this, the relationship between him and the head of one school was so bad (because the head was a fruit cake and ds questioned why he was only teaching them about the catholic church and no others, the head's solution was for me to pack ds off to a "strict, religious boarding school with a firm housemaster" [hmm). The school he attends currently has a variety of children, the staff are nice (apart from the head) but he's being badly bullied. I was resorting to bringing him home at lunch time to keep him safe, I work so can't always do this. Academically he's very bright and was extremely bored. The work he was given was no where near the right level for him.
He sat an entrance exam for a new school, it's private, harder work, aspergers experience etc but we recieved the letter this morning saying he was 'unsuccessful', despite the head telling me that he did really well on the entrance exam, it doesn't say why on the letter, they are aware that ds is being assessed for aspergers and has moved about as he's not had a good time at school.

We are really stuck now and I really don't know what to do. My options are
A) find him another school - difficult as it's the school holidays
B) send him back to his current school where he's being bullied, head teacher thinks he believes everyone is beneith him, work is way too easy, homework hardly ever marked, child being moved into his class in September who has severe behavioural problems
C) return him to his last school which wasn't too bad, I just couldn't pay the fees how they wanted them to be paid, poor manners in the boys though
D) home educate him, meaning I'd have him 24 hours a day, I'm a single mum, I'd have to leave work.

sad I really need some words of wisdom.

randomtask Wed 19-Aug-09 11:55:26

Can you talk to the LEA? They might have tutors in your area or know of a school that would accept him.

Can understand not wanting to move him about but also understand not wanting him at a bad school. My niece has been having the same problems including aspergers referals.

Hope someone with more knowledge comes along and helps.

TheDMshouldbeRivened Wed 19-Aug-09 11:58:10

I would pick the home edding option until you could find a decent school. I had to take my aspie son out when he was 7 and remain at home, giving up my uni course. But you would need advice about HE'ing and those back to work interviews.
Does he have a statement? If not can you ask for one and name a school in part 4?

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Wed 19-Aug-09 11:59:43

smile Thanks. It's really tough. We are better off financially so C is an option but I don't know what the will say after the problem with the fees when he was there. I suppose children with poor manners are alot better then ones that kick/hit/push him into filing cabinets. sad

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Wed 19-Aug-09 12:01:10

He's not been assessed yet. The furthest I've got is someone actually agreeing that there's a problem and writing a letter so I can go to the GP and sort it out myself.

AspasiaManos Wed 19-Aug-09 12:04:12

Have you tried calling the school to find out why he failed? Was there an interview as well as a test? Could that have been the difficult bit for him? Or maybe they asked the previous private school about payment of fees.

He's about 9 now, is that right? Speak to the LEA and see if there is another state school option for him.

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Wed 19-Aug-09 12:09:33

I've not called them, I'm trying not to cry at the moment. He's a very bright boy so I don't think it was the test. They asked the school he's in now (the one where he's being bullied) for a reference, I don't owe then anything as it's a state school, he moved there in Feb half term from a private school (because of the fee problem). He's 10 so will need a secondary school next year, the one we applied to had one attached so he wouldn't have to move, as does the private school he left in Feb.

I've really messed up. sad The LEA are useless here,"Oh, they should be able to cope with that!".

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Wed 19-Aug-09 12:13:50

I'm going to sit in a corner and start to rock. I will be back later.

Thankyou for all your help.

gladders Wed 19-Aug-09 12:13:55

think you need t understand why he didn't get in? August seems very late to be letting you know? Independent places normally allocated well in advance?

Insanitybecomesme Wed 19-Aug-09 12:16:29

I really hoped this wasn't going to be yousad Sorry he didn't get the place, and that they left it so late to tell you.

I hope you get something sorted that you are both happy with, unfortunatly someone hid my magic wand or else you could have it.

AspasiaManos Wed 19-Aug-09 12:19:05

You don't seem to have fantastic choices at the moment. You can't send him back to a school where he is being hit.

When you say the boys at the old private school had bad manners, how bad were they? This is horrible for you - I can't believe the LEA won't at least tell you which state schools have vacancies so you can apply directly to them.

TheDMshouldbeRivened Wed 19-Aug-09 12:22:38

big hugs.
Action plan. Find out why he didn't get in the school. It might be they think his SN means extra work for them. Would option C be viable?
I think B is a no-no. A might work but then the LEA have to be useful.
Give yourself 2 weeks to explore C and why he didn't get into the other school.
If you end up doing D could you take a sabbatical until he's of secondary age in a year and hunt for a school in the meantime?

LIZS Wed 19-Aug-09 12:27:30

Sorry it hasn't worked out - hadn't realised this was you until now . tbh I think I would go with C or possibly B until a better option showed up. You don't know that the other child will cause any additional problems, maybe they have been allocated a teacher experienced in dealing with such issues. Not sure why you needed a letter to ask gp to refer either the SENCO does it or the gp at your request. Staying in the state system may get you faster access to an assessment. Most schools will be staffed after the bank holiday if not before (public exam results are due out this week and next so will be around at a senior school) and someone must have been in to send you the letter. The trouble with moving repeatedly is that it will show on his record and may put doubts in minds you don't need to sow, so best make the next move a long term one you are confident with.

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Wed 19-Aug-09 13:51:29

I've phoned them and there's no one there. I don't think I can do anything about it though. The head at the current school has no contact with the children but has him labelled as a swearing (he's not, we don't swear at home, the only place he goes to hear such words is school, he doesn't know what they mean until he asks me), rude boy. He had a group of boys trying to pull his underpants down just before half term, I reported it, she denied that any of her "children from good families" had done such a thing and didn't believe ds as he'd not told his teacher!
He did not sit the entrance test until very close to the end of term, they emailed the current school for a reference the day after, it doesn't say on the letter why, just that we can apply again "when he's ready"

The manners were not too bad, alot of swearing though, the boys would walk into me when I was going in the opposite direction so I'd be forced onto the road. Ds was hurt by another boy there, he's currently (we've been told by another boy who keeps in touch with ds) under the teachers supervision now though and very close to being expelled because of his behaviour. I am very reluctant to move him to another state school as he only has one year left until secondary school. The last thing I want is to move him around any more then I have to.

It's not just one child at the current school who is bullying him, discipline seems very lapse, he's being called spastic as he falls over alot, he has insoles in his shoes that are taken and thrown over fences, work he's doing is being ripped up and put in the bin, he's been kicked, punched, pushed into a filing cabinet, had a ball thrown into his face (twice on one occasion) which has made his nose bleed, his face has been scratched, he's been shouted at. It's too much. He's a lovely child and doesn't understand why this is happening. There was one girl that pushed him over, then scratched his face because he was throwing a hoop in the air and shouting "hoopla". She admitted this to the head and was not made to appologise, no punishment. I really can't leave him there. The boy moving into his class has his own TA because of his behaviour so this doesn't concern me but the disruption does. Ds has learned nothing since he started there, he's brought his work home and in a term and a half he's done about 6 pieces of one sided papers worth of work. The teachers are inconsistent, he asked if he could take warhammer in on the last day and was told no, he turned up and watched other children play with theirs, he asked about joining the chess club, the teacher said she'd find out if there was space and didn't get back to him. I've witnessed the head argue with a parent in the playground.

I really don't know what to do.

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Wed 19-Aug-09 13:52:10

Sorry, it's an epic novel now.

AspasiaManos Wed 19-Aug-09 13:58:30

Your poor ds - that school sounds horrific.

It seems like your best option might be to move him back to the old private school if they have a space. Could you tolerate the rudeness and swearing for one year?

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Wed 19-Aug-09 14:19:13

I would. I don't know if they would be prepared for him to return though as I screwed the fees up last time. I am earning more money now though but I don't know if I've blown it.

How does this sound as an email to the one we wanted?
I have recieved a letter today regarding ds. I would be very grateful if you could let me know why this decision was reached, ds is a very bright boy and is currently being assessed for Aspergers syndrome. His schooling has not been easy and he has had to move schools in order to find a place where he is able to recieve the support with this that he needs, and I was assured that your school could do this, it was exactly what we were looking for as he would not have to leave until he was 18, giving him the opportunity to make friends and for your staff to get to know him. He is currently being bullied at the school he now attends, both physically and verbally, on one occasion he was held down by a group of children in the playground whilst they tried to pull down his underpants. His school refuse to admit that this happened however as he was too embarassed to tell his teacher and waited for me to collect him. It is for this reason that my child is unable to return to this school.

It has taken you a while to make your decision due to the summer holiday, I am unwilling to return ds to his current school due to the bullying he has sustained and the lack of work he has been given. If you could tell me why you have reached this decision I can put measures in place to find ds a school that is able to meet his needs.

I am a bit emotional so it's probably not very rational.

AspasiaManos Wed 19-Aug-09 14:30:31

It's quite assertive, Fluffy - would you feel able to introduce a softer tone?

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Wed 19-Aug-09 14:47:00

Probably not. I am rather pissed off, I was assured that everything would be OK (no problems with him getting a place). Head's PA showed us around, she commented on how well behaved, polite, bright ds was, the head said himself that the assessment went very well and "not to worry". I was honest with them, told them that ds is being tested for aspergers.

I can't do softer at the moment. blush

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Wed 19-Aug-09 14:47:51

I've not sent it yet by the way. I should calm down first.

gladders Wed 19-Aug-09 15:41:36

[hugs] for you - this is the last straw isn't it?
DEFINTELY don't send that email. The school have made their decision but are happy to reconisder 'when he's ready' so you need to speak to someone calmly and understand when they think this might be. If you send the email - they might change their mind.
You are between a rock and a hard place though - until you understand what this new school mean you can't really explore other options?

OtterInaSkoda Wed 19-Aug-09 15:49:48

God, what a nightmare. I am properly shocked by what you're telling us about ds' school.

Firstly I ought to say that I don't have experience of non-state schools nor of Aspergers so these are thoughts rather than advice, iykwim. I do have experience of being crap at paying bills though...

I'd suggest getting in touch with ds's previous school. I'd phone them (accepted - might be trickier in the hols) and tell them how unhappy your ds has been and that he'd like to come back. If you can afford it, offer to pay further in advance than normal as you appreciate that you had problems paying fees in the past (I find it hard to believe that you're the only one who has struggled, especially these days).

If you can afford it and the above doesn't happen, home school this year (perhaps a tutor could help?) but get on the case ASAP to find a secondary school. Don't discount state schools - the impression I get is that a good state school can handle SN at least as well as a mediocre private one. I worked briefly in a state secondary in a very, very rough area of London for a while and the care both the teachers and the other pupils took of one Y10 lad with Aspergers was amazing.

If you do find a state secondary that suits, perhaps they have a feeder school that might be good for ds for a term or two? I know he's moved too many times already but if he'll be moving up with others from the primary then it might not be so unsettling. Just a thought (and sorry, I am pretty ignorant when it comes to Aspergers so sorry if this is totally inappropriate).

OtterInaSkoda Wed 19-Aug-09 15:56:26

Sorry - just reread my post. I'm not insinuating that you're crap at paying bills. I should have said that I've had experience of dealing with organisations to whom I owe money. blush

dilemma456 Wed 19-Aug-09 18:34:33

Message withdrawn

hocuspontas Wed 19-Aug-09 19:05:12

I can't believe they've only just told you! Hope you find something.

If you are going to look at secondary state schools you need to look around sharpish and get into a feeder primary if that is how your LEA works. (Assuming ds is going into yr 6).

Agree with dilemma re asking if it was the refs that let him down before you contact the previous school.

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