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Just been offered new school for Y4. Mixed feelings! Ooer! (sorry, long!)

(12 Posts)
faraday Tue 21-Jul-09 10:58:12

I just KNEW I'd be a lather of uncertainty (my chief fault in life- lack of conviction!).

Briefly, we rent so we moved into catchment for a very good secondary 7 weeks ago. DS1 is in Y5, DS2 in Y3. It's 2 miles from the old house (and school). We moved DS1 into the new local primary feeder at half term so he's been in 6 weeks- the idea was so he'd get to know DCs prior to secondary in Sept '10. There was no space for DS2 so I kept him in the old school, awaiting a place.

Thing is, I KNOW we've only had 6 weeks exposure to the new school but I do prefer the old one! Their OFSTEDs are dead similar, the head of the new school was a deputy at the old in the past etc etc but it all feels so alien to me! In addition, though DS1 seems OK about his new school, his 'report' (all 6 weeks' worth!) did say he is having 'difficulty finding the right group of children to play with in the playground' ie Billy no mates! Of COURSE this was inevitable but it has unsettled ME!

I guess actually it will help DS1 having DS2 in the same school, though. DS2 hasn't got a close mate, anyway, but of course instead of me thinking 'That's good, he can muck in with anyone' I think 'WILL that mean he won't be able to make any friends at the new school?'. God, I irritate myself! Also, DS2 has the advantage of liking football, always an ice breaker with DCs.

DS2 wants to go to the new school. This is a good thing. Also, his new teacher next year (Y4) in his current school is known to be shouty. (I am encouraging myself to believe this move will be all positive!)

Finally, we have had an offer accepted on a house to buy just up the road from here so I mean we ARE going to be LIVING HERE 100%. SO why am I prevaricating about grabbing this school place??

I guess I need to get involved with the PTA etc to try and get to feel more in the loop at the new school. You really don't realise how embedded you become after 6 years with the same mums and kids, I suppose.

Now, thing is, I WISH I was one of those people who just make a decision, and get on with it- never look back, no regrets. We've revisited the prospective secondary a couple of weeks ago and we KNOW we need look no further: but then I think 'Am I being up myself thinking the old local secondary (perfectly adequate!) wasn't good enough for my darling?'. Then I think 'Aw shut up woman and get ON with it!'. I have a friend who has her 2 x DSs at a 11K pa each prep. This was just about affordable pre crash but daddy's bonus has disappeared so they're struggling BUT I don't think there has ever been a shadow of doubt in her mind that the local schools weren't good enough for HER DCs thus the falling down house and holidays in grimy YHAs are all worth it. The fact she knows she is batting above her league financially doesn't phase her apparently, though of course I've never met a private schooling parent YET who has publicly voiced doubts about their choice!

Also, I suppose I am in a state of flux: We moved here 7 weeks ago, we're still renting which I'm sick of (to make sure we were IN catchment by Oct 23rd!), we've begun the fandango that is house buying in the UK with all the uncertainties therein. Lots to destabilise me!

PLEASE note: This isn't a private/state schooling thread at all, just a wishing I had more courage in my convictions when I actively make moves to change the direction of my DCs lives!

ScarletBear Tue 21-Jul-09 12:59:55

Well, I suppose you have three options:
1. Move your DS2 to the new school, regardless of the consequences. He will probably make friends, and settle in well, and will know people in time for secondary.

2. Keep both DS1 and DS2 where they are. Although he won't know people for secondary, this doesn't matter, and he won't be the only one by a long way. Put up with the shouty teacher (and if you moved them everytime this happened, they'd never be in the same school for secondary - it's probably a good idea to get him used to the idea that not everybody is as nice as pie wink! DS1 will probably have a better second year - it takes time for them to make friends, so he might just click at the beginning of next year.

3. Move DS1 back to his original school. How does he feel about it? Would he rather be with his old friends, or doesn't he mind? Then, at least, he would know some faces for secondary school, even if he doesn't have any particular friends.

So, option 1 and 3 have both your dc at the same school, which is what you want, but option 1 has both DS1 and 2 potentially unhappy (although probably not - boys tend to muck in together over a football, and DS1 perhaps just needs time), and option 3 gets you back where you started, so perhaps not the best move to make, unless your sure you can face the parents looking at you and wondering why you moved DS1 only to bring him back. Option 2 means the dc are in different schools, which you didn't want, but means that DS1 gets to know people for secondary, and DS2 is kept in the same environment he's know.

My advice? Move DS2, and bite the bullet, or move DS1 back, and bite that bullet. Especially with Christmas and things, you'll be torn apart going to different concerts (which are always on the same night), and you'll have relationships with two different groups of parents.

Sorry it's long, and I hope it helps!

bigchris Tue 21-Jul-09 13:08:11

surely the decision has already been amde
you can't move ds 1 back and it makes sense for ds2 to be at the same school as ds2

faraday Tue 21-Jul-09 13:09:41

Thanks! And for reading it all through!

Yes I think the only really viable option is to move DS2 to the new school and get on with it. I KNOW it's the right thing but I wish I could silence my lifelong nagging doubts about whether I've done the right thing!

Stupid thing is DH and I uprooted the admittedly very young family 6 years ago from Oz to the UK with barely a backwards glance! THAT'S upheaval but despite some ups and downs it's been positive so I know I CAN be more forward thinking if I try!!

DS1 hasn't said he wants to go back to his old school- and we have been able to maintain some 'playdates' from there as I to date have been going to DS2's school to pick him up WITH DS1 three afternoons a week thus far. The only 'wobble' we had was on week 3 when DS1 said no one would 'pair up' with him but I did explain that's because the same DCs have been pairing up together for maybe 6 years so far and he IS the 'intruder' still. I spoke to the school who said they'd monitor it but I know they can't make his friends for him. Also, neither of my DSs are very persistent in the friendship front. They tend to wander off if rebuffed in the slightest, that doesn't help much!

Also, I think sending DS1 back to his old school would feel like failure- certainly for me and possibly for him.

madwomanintheattic Tue 21-Jul-09 13:16:17

new school.

all 3 of mine are moving this time grin

it will be fine.

in september you will be settled enough yourself to start making new contacts and friendships and do a little more 'facilitating' if required.

faraday Tue 21-Jul-09 13:59:45

I appreciate your support! I NEED telling that this is all for the good!

I do think that I'm feeling a bit unsettled right now which is no doubt clouding my judgment. I mean, I moved primary twice and survived! We knew this renter was only short term (to make sure we were IN catchment for the secondary for the Oct 23rd deadline) but the idea of moving again in (hopefully!) 2 months time is a bit daunting, especially when the boys are - well, whining that they don't WANT to move! They have bedrooms you could land a plane in BUT we can only fit a garden table in the dining room it's so small! And this is 3 storey and guess who's carting stuff up and down stairs all day?? Of course I can't expect them to understand the security that comes from OWNING or the droll fact we will actually be £500 a month better off ONCE we own but it is yet another low level pressure of 'Look how you're messing with our lives'! The new house (god willing) is only 3 roads away so hardly a huge move geographically!

madwomanintheattic Tue 21-Jul-09 16:03:03

but psychologically a million miles away. grin

<we are moving to canada lol - i am mopping tears about four times a day and the kids are veering wildly between devastation and exhilaration. i am exhausted...>

on the plus side, all three kids will be in the same school, for the first time ever and it will be a two minute walk instead of a two or three stop car journey across the county line... i am secretly thrilled grin

faraday Tue 21-Jul-09 16:21:39

Gosh! Canada! Whereabouts? Is it for a job? Do you know anyone there? What an adventure!!

madwomanintheattic Tue 21-Jul-09 16:27:36

dh job for two years grin in southern alberta.

we lived there before and ds1 was born there, but we left before any of the kids started school. it's going to be a whole new ball game grin a couple of years whilst we try and decide whether we'll come back or whether they'll let us stay. eek!

katiestar Tue 21-Jul-09 17:47:45

Anybody would have worries and doubt ,but in your situation I think the decision is pretty clearcut .New school.

faraday Tue 21-Jul-09 21:44:15

Yes! Done! New school signed up for, old school told!

Now, just 'Head around it'- TICK!

....And all will be well!

Good luck in Alberta madwoman!

madwomanintheattic Wed 22-Jul-09 11:49:39

well done! no more proscrastinating, enjoy your summer smile

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