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DS's behaviour at school. I need to talk about it.

(25 Posts)
LynetteScavo Wed 15-Jul-09 18:32:33

Background; Ds school refused for a term in Y3.

He moved schools.

Has mostly been very happy. He is what teacher s describe as "willful". He never backs doewn if he thinks he's right, and unbeliveabley stubborn.

Yester day he had a "squabble" wth another boy in his class at the end of the day. It involed throwing pencils at each other, plus minor isults. As a consequence both boys were to miss sports day today.

DH and I were not happy with this;
a) becuase every ed psychologist we have encountered (plus numerous books on school refusal) insist he should be in school NO MATTER WHAT.
b) I had a work apointment in the afternoon which would loose me a large sale.
c c) if I did take him home in the afternoon, as it is DD's birthday I would feel I had to take her out of nursery, and spend a lovely day with her, which would not reslut in DS being punished.

The other boy involved was taken home for the afternoon.DS had to go to the Heads office to copy out of the Bible for 2 hours. He copied nothing down, and just sulked.
He now tells me he is to miss all breaks and lunchtimes untill the end of term (Friday)becuase he refused to copy form the Bible.

This has been decided by the TA - I know the Head wouldn ever do any thing like this - he had very much a "tommorow is another day" type of attutude.

I'm really upset by this.

cornsilk Wed 15-Jul-09 18:35:28

Message withdrawn

ihavenosecrets Wed 15-Jul-09 18:37:55

I can see why you are upset. He should have received a sanction for his behaviour, perhaps missing sports day although on the face of it that sounds a little harsh. I don't think that he should be sent home and as for being made to write out sections from the bible that is just plain weird and enough to turn anyone off religion! I would make an appointment with class teacher to discuss.

LynetteScavo Wed 15-Jul-09 18:38:38

When I said miss sports day I meant they wanted me to collect him at luch time. We ould have been fine with him just sitting out, and spectating. Aparently this was not possible.

How is your DS Cornsilk?

cornsilk Wed 15-Jul-09 18:40:36

My ds is fine thanks Lynette smile still the same issues. Is your ds due to move to his next school?

sweetfall Wed 15-Jul-09 18:41:31

Does he not have understand that his actions have consequences.

Why are you upset at this?

Obviously you arranged with the school for him to stay in school when he had a temporary exclusion for bad behaviour. He should do what he's asked (no matter how crap it seems). His defiance and stubborness has consequences. And it is probably far more onerous for the teachers to be putting this into place than for him to do it. They absolutely do not want to be supervising him every break and lunchtime.

mrz Wed 15-Jul-09 18:42:44

I would make him miss Sports Day but inside school supervised by the TA who decided.

cornsilk Wed 15-Jul-09 18:44:24

Sweetfall I imagine that Lynette is upset because she doesn't want her ds to going back to refusing school. Her ds now has learned that if he's really naughty he gets sent home. Not the wisest idea to give to a refuser.

cornsilk Wed 15-Jul-09 18:44:41

go back

sweetfall Wed 15-Jul-09 18:48:57

no he didn't get sent home because the OP arranged for him to stay in school instead - he sat outside Head's office so he will not equate bad behaviour with getting to go home.

LynetteScavo Wed 15-Jul-09 18:49:38

Spot on Cornsilk.

I could have jsut brought him home this afternoon, and we could have had a lovely time. Instead I've had weeping after school.sad

DH and I wanted him to have a consequence - but this just seems to be dragging on. When he plays up becuase he's had no breaks - what then?

Untill you've had a school reuse you can't imgine how stressful it is, and the impact it has on the rest of the family.

cornsilk Wed 15-Jul-09 18:51:57

Thank goodness it's near the end of term - hopefully it'll have less impact on him.

sweetfall Wed 15-Jul-09 18:53:25

yes fair enough, I have no idea how difficult it is to deal with a school refuser. What would you want the school to do about his lack of following instructions to copy out the Bible?

cornsilk Wed 15-Jul-09 18:54:26

Yes missed the bit about him staying in the office sweetfalls - should really read more thoroughly! Still think it's a silly punishment - he's already missed sportsday and sat in the office for 2 hours. The TA is being OTT extending the sanction like that.

LynetteScavo Wed 15-Jul-09 18:57:36

NOthing! He's missed sports day - didn't get to go home like the other boy, and had a very dull afternoon.
Lets just move on, and get back to learning/socialising, which is what I send him to school for.

sweetfall Wed 15-Jul-09 19:05:41

yes BUT he refused to do a task set by the school - there must surely be some consequence to that - you cannot let him feel he can do what he likes as long as he's there can you?

snice Wed 15-Jul-09 19:12:50

I think it was a ridiculous punishment (copying out of the Bible) but agree that there would have to be a consequence for refusing to do it- however daft you or I think it might be I feel you will have to back up the sanction of missed breaks. Perhaps if your DS made a genuine apology the punishment might be shortened without the TA being seen to have had to back down?

LynetteScavo Wed 15-Jul-09 19:12:51

No, not do what he likes, but he wasn't agressive, or rude, he sat quetly in a room by himself for 2 hours. Copying the Bible wasn't exacly going to do him or anyone else any good was it? It was just something to keep him quiet.

LynetteScavo Wed 15-Jul-09 19:16:21

Now he's sobbing agian about it not being fair the other boy got to go home, and now he has to miss play times. I'm letting DH talk to him.

cornsilk Wed 15-Jul-09 19:17:03

It's unfair to expect him to copy from the Bible if the other boy didn't have to do it as well. Why the Bible? Is this a church school? How not to get a child to read the Bible...

sweetfall Wed 15-Jul-09 19:18:52

you can't pick and choose the punishment though - well you have because you insisted he was in school rather than home.

It is rather archaic but you're leaving him with the impression that he can refuse to follow certain instructions which seems rather confusing to me

floaty Wed 15-Jul-09 19:21:16

Sweetfall,I think we have to remember that this is a primary school child,if yr 3 then only 8 who has had severe issues with school in the past,not just a little hiccup ,of course he needs to understand that this was wrong but to be honest if my yr2 boy had had to miss sports day because of a spat with a classmate I would be aghast,a massive over reaction by the school

LynetteScavo Wed 15-Jul-09 19:24:54

He's 10.5 (in Y5)

He's jsut told me that the head come into his office and told DS that "Tommorow is another day." He's a brilliant head - I'm going to take this up with him tommorow. I'm qite scared about ruffling the TA's feathers, though - she will be in DS's class again next year.

It's a State Catholic school

floaty Wed 15-Jul-09 19:27:31

Tmorrow is anither day sounds a great philosophy,I always say to my children that we all make mistakes,he has hopefully learnt that there are better ways to deal with things next time,I still think that it was a big over reaction by the school.

verygreenlawn Wed 15-Jul-09 19:58:59

Oh that's good, I've just reached the end of the thread and was going to suggest talking to the head to discuss what he views as an appropriate sanction in ds's situation.

I think consequences is one thing, but IMO any sanction has to be immediate and has to have a point to it, otherwise it's very difficult for a child to link their action to the punishment.

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