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Help, I think he'll be expelled

(24 Posts)
manyhands Thu 09-Jul-09 07:24:13

Well, this won't give you all the best impression of me but as this is an anomyous forumn probably a great place to get advise. My five year old has had a good term but in the last two weeks as a results of stress at home (which I should have shared with the school but didn't, they are your traditional unapproactable type) has been violent to other children. On one occasion, he hit another child with a sun hat then threw it at the teacher when she asked for it. Another time he was sent in from playtime and hit a dinner lady and yesterday he pinced another child because he was told to by a very manipulative child, he drew blood. The school have said the next step is immeadiate explusion. But I want him to get help as I want him to do well at school and learn to control his temper. So far, I've been backing the school and giving consequences at home but feel that explusion is the worse option for him. This is his second school as he had similar problems in the first and they shut him in a cloakroom for hours as a response which we felt was inappropriate. He has improved a ;lot in this school and it is only in the last two weeks that he has displayed this behaviour. Can anyone give me any advice, please be gentle!

throckenholt Thu 09-Jul-09 07:31:23

if he has problems like this at two schools and he is only 5 - then he needs help - and the school should be talking to you about how they can deal with this sort of behavious.

I thought the thinking now is that under 7s should not be expelled - that they should be able to work through problems at school.

I think you need to set up an urgent meeting with the teacher, head and senco at the school and be honest with them about what is going on at home. Bottom line should be you all want to get the best outcome for your DS (but bear in mind the school has to also protect the other children in the school).

moopymoo Thu 09-Jul-09 07:32:37

Sounds like you are at the end of your tether. Could you arrange to have a meeting with the head to discuss a behaviour plan of action? Tell them that you are aware of the problems and want to set something in place before it escalates further? What are the school doing at the mo? In some schools that I work with they have behaviour support and nurture groups for just this sort of thing - this generally results in exclusions going down. Hth - really tough for you.

LynetteScavo Thu 09-Jul-09 07:34:34

Locked in the cloack room? shock

No wonder you changed schools.

Could you arange a meeting with the head and his teachers to sit down and explain what has been going on at home, and convince them you are willing to suport them in improving his behaviour?

They aren't talking permanent exclution are they?? Schools tend to use the term exclution to mean "suspention" these days.

TBH a school who is willing to permanently exclude a child without bringing in any outside help (learning and behaviour specialist for example) is pretty crap anyway, IMO.

manyhands Thu 09-Jul-09 07:35:07

I've had a meeting with them, the teacher is the SENCO, they wanted to get across to me how important it was for his behaviour to change which I totally accept but see it as my andhis problem rather than something they can fix at school.

laurz75 Thu 09-Jul-09 07:35:26

It sounds like your child is in need of some real support for his behaviour. Can you go in and talk to the teacher to agree some ways forward. Does he have any sort of SEN? You definitely need to share home issues with the school if its going to affect him like this. I agree that expulsion is an awful option - the school would have to prove they'd done as much as they could before they do this. Has he been excluded for a fixed term (1 or 2 days?) already?

laurz75 Thu 09-Jul-09 07:37:59

If it is YOUR problem then they should be working with you to help minimise the impact that the problem is having at school. What did they say in the meeting about the way forward?

moopymoo Thu 09-Jul-09 07:38:02

agree with lynette - that is just not good enough and they have a responsibility to create a plan of action with you - especially as he is only 5! Ask them what they are prepared to do. Can your local childrens centre/HV be of any help as he is so young?

SoupDragon Thu 09-Jul-09 07:39:41

What have you done to help him?

manyhands Thu 09-Jul-09 07:42:55

Have had a meeting with the head and convinced her of my commitment to helping him. Will certainly say there are stresses at home but don't want them to write him off and blame everything on home as they have been doing so far. I also feel there should be an IEP for him and better supervision at playtime but as it is a very small school (less than 30 pupuls) this is unlikely to happen.

manyhands Thu 09-Jul-09 07:44:33

SoupDragon I've dones loads of anger management work with him, lots of hands on support and talking through situations.

manyhands Thu 09-Jul-09 07:46:44

No, fixed term explusion yet. Everytime I ask they come back to my responsibility at home which I really have been fulfilling.

SoupDragon Thu 09-Jul-09 07:47:19

Does he say why he does it?
Does he have a time when he knows he needs to do something (my DS doesn't - he goes from fine to completely-lost-it at the flick of a switch). If he has a period when he knows he needs to do something, having something in his pocket like a stress ball to squeeze/pinch really hard might help.

hercules1 Thu 09-Jul-09 07:56:36

I would be tempted to go to my gp and ask for further help- maybe family counselling. CAMHS may be an option but a long wait. It may be helpful to share the home issues he has and get help on that in order to then help him.

hercules1 Thu 09-Jul-09 07:56:36

I would be tempted to go to my gp and ask for further help- maybe family counselling. CAMHS may be an option but a long wait. It may be helpful to share the home issues he has and get help on that in order to then help him.

manyhands Thu 09-Jul-09 07:58:20

At home we have strategies to lengthen the time between event and raction, use deep breathing, thinking of outcome etc, works really well. Same techniques used to work well in school but on the times I mentioned he either he didn't use them or they didn't work. Usually a build up but as he is otherwise an easy child (if that makes sense) they don't notice the build up.

manyhands Thu 09-Jul-09 07:59:07

Am going to GP next week, can't this week 2 interviews tomorrow

Clockface Thu 09-Jul-09 08:01:27

This may be way off the mark but have you tried the 123Magic method with him at home? I'm doing a course of that atm and there's a couple doing the course with me who have a really aggressive 4 yo - they were well and truly at the end of their tether - and it has really worked wonders for them. might be worth a look

Hassled Thu 09-Jul-09 08:11:16

This gives you links to the DCSF guidance on exclusions and the appeals process. If you have a Family Support Officer in your school cluster (ask at the school office), go and see him/her. You should also speak to IPSEA for independent advice.

katiestar Thu 09-Jul-09 12:34:29

I can't give any helpful advice I'm afraid but teh school doesn't sound very caring TBH. In such a young child they should be referring you and him to help, not washing their hands of the problem by excluding him {sad}.

manyhands Thu 09-Jul-09 12:56:53

Thanks for everyone's advise. I've seen his GP HV and have referred him to the education office who are sending in a parent liason officer who works with parents and schools in this situation. Hopefully one of these routes should lead to referal to a psychologist

Earlybird Thu 09-Jul-09 13:11:43

When does his school break up for summer? Might you work with him over the break to improve the behaviour? Are the stresses at home likely to continue over the summer break and thus possibly cause his issues to continue/escalate?

MrsGuyofGisbourne Thu 09-Jul-09 16:20:49

what is his father doing to help?

manyhands Thu 09-Jul-09 17:22:29

Yes will work with him over the summer. I had a very productive meeting with his teacher today and feel they are less likely to use explusion as a first option and have agreed to write an IEP

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