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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Sept starter but i'm not doing the playground pickup/dropoffs

18 replies

DidEinsteinsMum · 03/07/2009 17:53

Ds is starting in sept he is a PFB and i am taking opportunity to go back to school and strating a uni course in sept too. Both start same day so hoping timing works. How do you get to know the other mums if you are not doing drop off and pick ups and do dcs miss out when its gran/cm doing drops offs and pick ups. Plus any survival tips that i need to know before heading completely into crazy land.

OP posts:

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DidEinsteinsMum · 03/07/2009 17:54

starting.

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golgi · 03/07/2009 19:45

Same here - grandparents and dad will do pickups and dropoffs between them. My son has been at the school nursery this year and I haven't really got to know any other mums. I also have to rely on my husband to pass on important snippets of information, which doesn't always happen.

Come and join in on the hand-holding thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/primary/776308-Wondered-if-hand-holding-for-Sept-newbies-would-be-nice

flintski · 03/07/2009 20:36

I'm in the same boat too. I am going back to work f-t in Sept (as a teacher) and my dd is starting school - I was wondering exactly the same thing as you - how will I get to know everyone else and how will it make me feel not to have that time with her? Its made a bit worse that we are relocating so dd won't know anyone either - am hoping she will make friends quickly and that the mums will love the novelty of a dad picking up so will talk to him. My dd is already excited about the after-school club she will be going to on two afternoons as they have to walk from school to a hall and get to have a 'treat' which she said was better than home!

I think a lot of the worries are more mine than hers tbh.

I intend to throw myself into the PTA so that I can get to know people that way but like OP, any advice would be great.

Flyonthewindscreen · 03/07/2009 21:39

I'm not in same boat as am SAHM, but I would say, my DD is just finishing in reception and there have been a lot of parties, most of them at weekends so this could be a good opportunity to meet other parents. I would say personally that the PTA is good for getting to know the school but you won't necessarily get to know other parents from your DC's class - I joined the PTA for similar reasons (not because I worked but because we had moved to a new village/school).

DidEinsteinsMum · 03/07/2009 23:10

The only thing is that the course i am going to do is a PGCE and been warned to expect 60-70hour/week work load (to be on safe side) so don't really have time/energy/guts/motivation for PTA plus it seems super scarey from where i am sitting right now. But i am just a chicken cos how can a few parents be scarey when i want to teach senior school?

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golgi · 03/07/2009 23:18

Ah, a PGCE.
It will take up a fair chunk of time, not sure about 60-70 hours though. Thing with teaching is that it will consume as much of your time and energy as you allow it to - you'll have to set limits so that you can also have some time for your family and yourself.
Which subject?

DidEinsteinsMum · 03/07/2009 23:28

science. I suspect that the time is probably about right for juggling dc and study and inschool/outschool paper work stuff. I am not very organised. Plus i find paperwork hard as i am dyslexic - its not the writing, my writing is generally ok but my reading age is way down on where it should be so i know that bit is going to take time. And limits - yep every teacher i have spoken to/observed say you have to be very strict about limits. I am warned and have post ot note for mirror ready.

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Katisha · 03/07/2009 23:28

Don't worry - your DS will make friends and over a period of time will get invitations to parties and so on. Eventually you will find you know one or two parents by virtue of seeing them at parties etc.

I live in a vilage some miles from school so knowing other parents hasn;t been much help in terms of DSs getting invitations to tea etc. But they have had a group of children at the childminder's every evening to play with for years now. And have found friends in the village who go to different schools. I don't think you necessarily need to be present at school gate to manage your child's social life. It will happen anyway.

But the one thing I would advise is making sure you get proper info from the school about times and dates and special days and things you have to send in etc etc. Our school rather assumes that it can disseminate information at the school gate and as a working parent I find I get it all rather late in the day. Your school may be fine but I would say this is a bit of a failing of ours. They assume that parents are picking up children and stick notices up on the school door for example, or tell parents who are there in the morning that that afternoon's football is cancelled. Fat lot of use.

flintski · 04/07/2009 08:05

yes Katisha - I find that a problem at the moment at pre-school (the last minute information thing)so will have to be on the ball with digging out letters from bags or calling the school - guess they will be sick of me on the phone!

DidEinsteinsMum - a PGCE is going to be tough (sorry but thought you would appreciate a realistic answer!) but like golgi said - with teaching, you have to set limits on how much time you give it as you could work all day every day as i know I never feel like I've 'finished'(and I've been teaching for 10 years!) but I do make an effort to stop at a decent time to get sleep and to make sure I have time with dd.

Good point KamR about the PTA - am hoping that it will have the same effect for me as you as we are moving into a new area too.

cupofteaplease · 04/07/2009 08:22

Hi, I just completed my PGCE yesterday, and my dd started school nursery last September. I have only managed about 10 drop offs or pick ups in that time. The parents will greet me, but it's clear they have already made their friendship groups. Hey ho, that's life. Today dd1 is having a belated party for her birthday, so I will have a few of the mums here too, so that will give me the opportunity to get to know them a little better.

My dh as done half of the drop offs and pick up, along with the CM, and he reckons hardly anyone talks to him.

sarah293 · 04/07/2009 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

golgi · 04/07/2009 08:45

Katisha - I agree. Missing out on the school gate networking means I know nothing!
Many of the other mums in the village work part time or not at all, so they do a lot of socialising during the weekdays when I'm at work. As Cupoftea said they are friendly enough but I haven't made any friends as such - difficult when you're never around.

DidEinsteinsMum - mine was secondary science too.

flintski · 04/07/2009 09:08

so - bottom line (do you think??) - is that the drop off/pick up thing doesn't seem to bother dcs and has no impact on their social life and ability to make friends but will mean I am a bit out of it as far as getting to know other mums and really shouldn't rely on DH!!?

congrats on completing your pgce cupofteaplease!!

cupofteaplease · 04/07/2009 09:12

That's about the crux of it, flintski! Although, dd has not been invited to a songle birthday party all year, presumably because parents don't know her, because they don't know her parents, if that makes sense? The teacher says she is very popular in class, so there's no reason why she wouldn't have been included in party invites. That's been a bit upsetting, if I'm honest.

But thanks for the congrats! Good luck on your course, it is very rewarding on the whole, but soul-destroying at times!! I've made some great friends on the PGCE who have more than made up for missing out on the school gate friendships.

golgi · 04/07/2009 19:36

My husband says things like "all the mums hang around for ages chatting but I don't see the point"
This is why I never know what's going on!

DidEinsteinsMum · 04/07/2009 20:50

I think i am fine there as grannie can talk for england!

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MollieO · 04/07/2009 22:00

I'm the same and ds is at the end of his reception year.

I just made sure that I stayed at the birthday parties to talk to other parents (well those that didn't dump and run). I went to the PTA AGM and met a couple of parents that way.

A class rep was organised for each reception class and they were tasked with setting up an address/email parent list which helped with communication.

A monthly dinner is arranged at a local restaurant. Some (mainly) mums attend every one, some don't bother at all. I also met other parents at school functions.

It is hard and I'm sure ds misses out on playdates as they can only be reciprocated at weekends when most normal people want to have time with their family!

If I think that there is something I need to find out then I email one of the other parents whom I think will know what is going on. I drop off in class one day a week but have to leave well before the school start time so I still don't get to see other parents.

Ds goes to after school care so I meet the other working mums there!

stickylittlefingers · 04/07/2009 22:21

I have done about 3 pick-ups through the year. I must admit I find the Mums at the gate unfriendly, but with birthday invites and just randomly meeting people around town, I find I've met other working Mums and we're perhaps more supportive of each other, so that's very helpful.

The PTA wasn't much use to us because they meet on a Friday afternoon and Wednesday mornings, so obviously WOHM/Ps aren't going to get there unless they're pt.

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