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Problems with yr1 teacher, have been to her already where do I go now?

(15 Posts)
EggheadHilary Wed 04-Feb-09 19:42:57

To cut a very long story short, ds1 is 5.7yrs old and in yr1.

Every time he needed the toilet in a lesson he would get his name put up on a board on the wall and this was known as the "toilet list". I have tried to find my old thread on this but can't.

Basically my son cannot hold his wee in like other children can. When asked by said teacher to hold it in he wet and at times soiled himself. In the end he refused to go to school because of the toilet list.

We saw SENCO lady who was fab, and the writing his name on the wall has gone and he was told by SENCO that if he needed to go then he could just ask and go. She had already spoken to the teacher who isn't quite NQT but this is her 3rd year teaching and I do happen to know of other incidents where parents feel she is just lacking in experience.

The toilets are minging and stink of urine, my son hates using them. He does not use it as an excuse to leave the classroom.

So we are now back to the teacher treating him like crap when he needs the toilet. It would seem that it isn't only the words she uses but her tone of voice.

I have taken my son to the doctor and he checked him out and said he was fine and that it was perfectly normal behaviour for a 5 year old.

My son is highly sensitive and he has asked me to write a letter to his teacher asking her not to treat him this way.

What do I do now? Back to SENCO? Teacher or head teacher?

EggheadHilary Wed 04-Feb-09 19:55:40

Forgot to say that we did have meeting booked with yr1 teacher but then SENCO told us we didn't need to see the teacher as she had already done it to find out her side.

MollieO Wed 04-Feb-09 21:58:19

I would say either head of year or head teacher. My son (4.5) had a bug that left him with fecal incontinence. That lasted a couple of weeks (daily at school) and then he developed a phobia about using the toilets. No minging toilets here - his teacher would go and check they were okay to be used before my ds went to use them. His teachers couldn't have been more supportive and I still thought it was a complete nightmare to deal with. You have my heartfelt sympathy. I can't believe a year 1 teacher is trying to use a toilet list as a weird form of discipline (imo). I reckon the head needs to be involved before this becomes a bigger problem for your ds.

bloss Wed 04-Feb-09 22:08:42

Message withdrawn

mrsmaidamess Wed 04-Feb-09 22:10:04

Yes speak to the Head. Your poor son, how awful that he feels he cannot even go to the loo.

MadamDeathstare Wed 04-Feb-09 22:10:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clutteredup Wed 04-Feb-09 22:13:50

If you have no luck from the HT you can go to the governors - this sounds to me like dangerously close to abuse. Children of this age haven't long been potty trained in the grand scheme of things and many can be worried about using the loo in strange places - this is clearly worrying and should be dealt with. The head needs to know .

abbierhodes Wed 04-Feb-09 22:18:56

Wow, that's appalling. I'd suggest a meeting with the head, it is simply not acceptable. I'd be considering moving schools tbh. I assume this woman does not have children.

EggheadHilary Wed 04-Feb-09 22:24:58

Thank you everyone. It is awful for me having had "talks" with the teacher about him soiling himself and then swinging to the other extreme of him going in a lesson and it being a problem. She knows he can't hold it in, it has clearly been demonstrated sad

I think I will write a letter to the head after hearing your thoughts, I am also highly sensitive so find confrontation or even friendly chats difficult with authority figures. I tend to go to pieces and get a bit teary blush

Maybe because my own school experience was so horrific in terms of teachers that I have never gotten over this so I know how it feels to be a disappointment to a teacher.

The toilets are actually being replaced over the summer holidays as they truly stink to high heaven. I believe that if my son could hold it in all day he would.

savoycabbage Wed 04-Feb-09 22:26:51

I can't believe she is stopping a little boy from having a wee! What a mad policy that is. I can understand her not wanting a few boys all messing about in the toilets.

Toilet list....WTF

I would go and see the head. Be prepared that he or she might totally back up the teacher though as this happened to me when I complained that my dd's teacher had put 'Happy Feet' on DVD while she took down her displays. hmm

EggheadHilary Wed 04-Feb-09 22:28:35

No abbierhodes she clearly doesn't have children.

The problem is this is an outstanding school OFSTED wise in all aspects, his preschool teacher and reception teacher were faultless. This one seems to be a bit crap.

She seems off in her judgement, I understand discouraging my son from going during a lesson but he can't hold it in!

verygreenlawn Wed 04-Feb-09 22:34:16

Your poor DS - how unsympathetic his teacher sounds. Lots of adults have continence problems so why should he be made to suffer at such a young age?

One of my ds has a problem with continence due to a medical condition and the school could not have been more supportive. A friend at another school had a terrible situation with her ds in reception where they actually used to call her in to school every time he wet himself as they basically refused to deal with a little boy's wet pants.

Other than the advice already given, I think you really really need to reinforce to him that he is doing NOTHING wrong - he isn't being naughty or difficult if he needs to go or if he has an accident. I think this is one of those very rare occasions when you can politely disagree with his teacher's approach ...

pointydog Wed 04-Feb-09 22:40:31

Have you actually spoken on teh telephone or face to face with your ds's teacher? It isn't clear from your op. Or have you even sent a letter in requesting you have sought medical advice and he must be able to go to the toilet whenever he needs without attention being drawn to it?

EggheadHilary Thu 05-Feb-09 11:35:48

pointydog, sorry I haven't made it clear, I believe we have had 3 full discussions with her because they were wondering whether there were problems at home re wetting... err no because I don't restrict when he goes.

We didn't discuss a strategy, just that I talked to my son about when he is "meant" to go so that he could understand why it was important not to miss any of the lesson. Also asked him why we wets his pants, his line was I asked to go, I was told to hold it for 5 minutes, I tried, and I wet my pants.

We have also had little "chats" in the playground after school when he has wet himself (this was before the "toilet list") where she just explained what he was doing at the time, like sitting at the table working, or in the dinner hall etc I told her I was taking him to the docs as the fecal incontinence was suggested.

When we saw the SENCO lady she was lovely and told my son he could go whenever he needed to go and that to watch out for teachers who sometimes need to go during a lesson. Bless her, she was great. Told him his writing was lovely and neat and that he was doing great school work wise.

My personal view on this is that she is KS1 trained, she started in nursery and I know from someone who works in the school that she wouldn't be welcomed back there, I don't know why because that comment slipped out of this person's mouth and then they shut it again. Reception is too important a year to mess up and YR2 is SATS so IMO you stick a teacher who is OK in yr1.

debs40 Thu 05-Feb-09 15:08:26

Hi

My son had problems when he first started school and the school dealt with it very badly.

They need to have a very clear plan in place. What to do to make him feel comfortable about using the toilets: e.g. using a separate disabled loo or going when no one else is around. They also need to have a very clear plan to deal with 'accidents' discretely when they happen.

The school was useless but the school nurse saved our day. She was fab. Have you tried her?

Good luck!

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