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Help!!!!! Really Need Some Advice - Bit Long

(4 Posts)
Lupins71 Mon 19-Jan-09 09:47:34

I am posting this on primary as well as I want a varied view of opinions

When dd was just 5 she started school and fitted in perfectly, fab teacher, loads of great friends, parties ect, however we decided to move to devon to be nearer my mum, its also something I have always wanted to do, dp wasnt working so no ties and timing seemed perfect.

We moved when it was half term, we had visited one school but because the move happened within 2 weeks (manic) she ended up at the local village school which was raved about by all and sundry, no one could fault it - except it seemed us!, dd was there about 6 weeks and went from being a confident outgoing girls, to tearful, she had made no friends and no one seemed too want to be her friend, they also were not allowed out to play until they had finished there work/ lunch ect, I have a;lways encouraged dd to take her time with her food and appreciate it and be thorough in her work but she wasnt getting any play time, also she got locked in the toilet one day and since then has bee claustraphobic

So I had always thought about the ideals of HE but as she had got on so well at her 1st school we had gone with it, anyway decided to pull her out of this local school as it was clearly not working

We have HE'd since last week, dd has been saying about going back to school, so we took her to see the original school dp and I went to look at before we moved and she liked it, she started on a try out day 2 fridays ago, when I picked her up she aid she had hated it! we spoke over the weekend and she decided to go and give it a try and she wanted to make some friends. Anyway she seems to be playing with one little girl but when we speak to her she says she doesnt play with her, she sits on her own at lunch time and really really doesnt like it!

I am at a total loss at what to do, until we moved she was a chilled out happy child, now she is stroppy, rude, and aggresive, I know she has been through alot this year - she witnessed a traumatic event involving her dad, which I know has had some effect, do I just stick it out and hope that it all sorts itself out or do I listen to her and take her out again, i dont want to keep chopping and changing which I know will do her no good, but if she is truly not happy there then I am not going to risk yet anotger schools

Also I feel she needs time away from ds who is 20 months, she is extremely jealous of him which makes it awkward, it has been nice playing with him the last week without her getting nasty about it - and I do really mean nasty

Do I just leave her and let the kids at school help her sort her attitude out, I feel so sad for her, all I want is for her to be happy but she speaks to me so rudely and nastily sometimes she has me nearly in tears

I should add that the HE was autonomous as she wouldnt actually sit and do her reading/ writing so we went with what she was interested in, art, cookery nature ect

Please any constructive comments really appreciated

Lisa x

Seeline Mon 19-Jan-09 09:52:32

It sounds as though she has lost confidence and just needs some help settling in. Could you not invite some of the other girls back for tea and help her make friends. Are there any other activities outside of school where she might meet some of the other children from school but in a less formal environment eg Rainbows etc. If she wasn't getting a balanced eduction with the HE I would really try and get school to work. Have you had a chat with the teacher to get her side of the story, and see if she has any ideas that might help?

Smee Mon 19-Jan-09 10:32:13

I think you're right and too much change has made her stroppy. It's definitely true what they say about kids needing a routine. So I agree with Seeline, go and talk to the teacher and ask them to help you settle her at school. If your daughter's actively looking to make friends, HE isn't going to help her with that. Have you thought that maybe she's being aggressive with you for taking her away from the school/ place she liked? I'm not saying she's doing it on purpose, but she's got to take it out somewhere, so you're the obvious target. So stick with the school, do play dates, work with the teachers, keep on giving her lots of attention and love and routine (though not too many choices!) and I'd bet in a month she'll be okay again. Poor you though, sounds like you've got enough on without an unsettled DD.

Lupins71 Mon 19-Jan-09 10:49:03

Thanks ladies, I only want whats best for her so I am going to do my damdest make school work as I think another upheaval will not do her any favours - its just so disheartening when she says she hates it and is making no friends, the teachers say she is etlling in well and that there are some really lovely friendly girls in the glass, I have to say dd is very much like dp in her attitude - stubborn stoppy andunable to see anyone elses point of view which is also a concern and why I think she may make her own obstabcles in making friends, she already does rainbows and swimming club so she hasnt been without total interaction with other children, plus about every 6 weeks we go up to reading and stay with her best friend and a few of her other friends from there.

She has had a bit of a rollercoaster when you look at it, there she was happily having mum and dad all to herself when along comes a very premature baby who takes up all of mummies time and daddy is working, then she starts school then after a term she is carted of to a totally new area and school, taken out of that school, and as I said earlier witnessed a tramaumatic event, also she helps look after me when I am poorly ( i have chronic pancreatitis)

I think your both right tho stick with school a bit longer so that at least there is some stability away from the chaos of home (we arent usually like this, and it sounds worse written down)


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