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Can someone please come and talk to me about ds2 parents evening..... I'm gutted!

(23 Posts)
ingles2 Mon 20-Oct-08 21:32:27

but unfortunately not surprised. sad
I moved them from the school they were at because I thought they weren't getting a very good education and ds2 who is not particularly academic, was struggling.
Well I was right,..he's just about bottom of the class. His teacher was lovely and supportive and encouraging and said he's made great progress in 6 weeks. In the first week he had a maths and reading test and scored something ridiculous...2 or 3 out of 20. He did one this week and is now up to he has improved loads and he seems happy. He's not speaking in class but then he never has, which is incredible because he can talk for England at home...
I don't know why I feel so disappointed. As dh said, it validates us moving them, we were right and now we're doing something about it. But it's going to be such a struggle, he doesn't really want to do spellings or read like ds1, he doesn't want to do loads of catch up work for everything I've just discovered is missing in his education he's an arty dreamer who just dances all the time
I adore him, he's my baby and I just want to make life easy for him. I suppose I really feel I've let him down. I could cry sad

constancereader Mon 20-Oct-08 21:34:20

You haven't let him down, you have done the right thing for him. How old is he?

Twiglett Mon 20-Oct-08 21:35:58

you would have let him down if you'd left him there

you moved him and in 6 weeks he's MADE GREAT PROGRESS

his test scores has improved fivefold in 6 WEEKS

imagine how he'll be doing by the end of the year

he is catching up

he will be fine

let him find his feet and congratulate yourself that you have changed his future

Niecie Mon 20-Oct-08 21:38:06

You haven't let him down at all. You moved schools and he is improving all the time, making great leaps. If he isn't academic then he just isn't. How can that be your fault?

It is still very early days at his new school. Who knows what he will achieve when he comes out of his shell?

LadySanders Mon 20-Oct-08 21:38:22

don't think you should be gutted AT ALL

he's doing really well,he's had to cope with a new environment, make new friends etc etc.

school/teacher sound extremely supportive

give it time...

nell12 Mon 20-Oct-08 21:38:27

He has gone from a 2 to an 11 grin wow, he has done so well! You say that he does not really want to do spellings... but he has made such good progress already; it bodes well for him catching up in his own good time.

You have obviously done the right thing in moving him.

Smithagain Mon 20-Oct-08 21:40:54

"he's an arty dreamer who just dances all the time"

I bet there are an awful lot of people in creative careers who had similar things said about them at some point! And it does sound as if the new school is helping him catch up. Praise him for what he's managed and be thankful that he has a lovely, supportive teacher.

ingles2 Mon 20-Oct-08 21:41:01

Thank you...
I know I'm being ridiculous sitting here sobbing into my keyboard, but I was brushed off so often by the last school with my worries, that I started to wonder (hope) it was just me.... but I was right all along. I bloody wish I wasn't.
he's 7.5 yr 3,.. I worry about him so much. he just struggles generally, to make friends, with his work.....

Niecie Mon 20-Oct-08 22:01:30

But it is still early days yet. He has had 3 yrs of poor education - it is going to take longer than half a term to catch up.

Parents evenings are hard ime. We've been to two today. They go to good school but I still feel I should be doing more because for every area of weakness they tell me I should be doing this or that to help. They unintentionally manage to make me feel that it is my fault. But it isn't my fault and it isn't really yours.

Your DS maybe bottom of the class but he really has made huge progress and if that carries on he probably won't be bottom of the class for long. He may never be top of the class but he will be OK. He isn't struggling so much now he has the right school.

ingles2 Mon 20-Oct-08 22:16:47

you are so right Niecie but it's so hard to sit and listen to all the problems and worries for 20 minutes.
I can't stop crying, I think it's because this meeting is the icing on top of my last 2 years of worrying about school cake
, know, shall I move them, looking at schools, confronting the head, then the worries when we actually made the decision, the dc's worrying....I just can't believe how stressful it's all been.
teacher has asked me to go in again the week after half term, so we can talk about how to support him. He really is a fantastic teacher and ds2 loves him. So really it can only be onwards and upwards can't it? <hopeful but watery smile>
on the plus side ds1 is doing fantastically well... grin

Niecie Mon 20-Oct-08 22:32:34

Well done DS1smile

Sounds to me that you have been under a huge amount of pressure and maybe building up parents evening to be a big thing and you need a good cry to get it all off your chest.

DS2's teacher sounds great. He is taking responsibility and trying to do something. Hopefully he is one of those teachers who likes a challenge - some do and some don't ime. My DS1 had problems - bright boy but has dyspraxia and mild AS and his teacher last year just didn't 'get' him and he had such a wasted year. I spent months cross and worried in turn. Thankfully, despite being fresh out of college, this year's teacher does seem to get him and sees the good as well as the problems. Sounds like your DS's teacher is the same. I bet DS will be a different boy by the end of the year.

Have a good cry, enjoy half term next week and yes, go onwards and upwards - he's already on the way after

cory Tue 21-Oct-08 09:33:29

You've done well for him. But you must remember you won't have failed him if he turns out to be somebody different from the child you had envisaged. It's his achievements you are to be proud of, whatever they may be, whatever he may choose to do. Out of my family, two of us went into academia and got PhDs, one started up a business in his bedroom and one went into manual work. That is not a failure on the part of any of us- just 4 people who needed to do different things. And who are still very close.

cory Tue 21-Oct-08 09:35:21

I learnt at the parents evening that my ds (8) is on the SEN register, because of fine motor problems. I am actually happy with that, because it means he will get support at the level that is right for him. The fact that his sister was in top sets for everything is neither here not there, this is about him.

Eniddo Tue 21-Oct-08 09:41:00

<<hugs ingles2 then feels disgusted with herself>>

Listen to twig when she says he is improving and that is fantastic. DO expect that his improvement will come in fits and starts and that there will be occasions where you will feel TERRIBLE and despondent and you will have to MAKE yourself smile brightly and be pleased and not cross...

Remind yourself that it is not beyond the bounds of possibility that he is 'immature' and will suddenly start to catch up - this seems to be the case with dd1 who is catching up a lot this year (yr 4) - also a dreamer and very innocent in lots of ways. x

Wolfgirl Tue 21-Oct-08 09:53:07

Funny thing really, this education m'larky. we stress and get highly emotional on behalf of our kids, and go to the ends of the earth to progress them on. But when all that is done.... who, at the end of the day, says to us, the parent.... well done you, you have done a great job.

So, here it is. Well done you ingles2, you have and you ARE doing a great job.

Well done to all of us I say. Well bloody done! grin

Eniddo Tue 21-Oct-08 09:55:00


<<pats self vigourously on back>>

<<ignores strange glances from colleagues>>

ingles2 Tue 21-Oct-08 10:21:55

Thank you I can't tell you how much the support and hugs <wink> mean. You'll start me off crying again smile
He is immature, nothing makes him happier than his large collection of cuddly toys. But then sometimes when he talks about things that interest him, archaeology, natural history, sculpture (!!!) he can be brilliant and I'm astounded at his insight. I'm really going to work on trying to get him talking, then hopefully his teacher will see what I see at home.
Hs teacher came and got him in the playground this morning, took his hand and said come on then Mr Ingles, we have work to do,....He skipped (literally) off happy.. bless smile

MmeTussaudsChmberOfChocHobnobs Tue 21-Oct-08 10:27:27

Aw, that is lovely that he is so happy in the new school. You made the right decision and, as other posters have said, he has caught up so much already.

We need to encourage creative children more, and show them that their creativity is just as important as the scholastic abilities.

Does he do any kind of art class, or sculpture class?

ingles2 Tue 21-Oct-08 11:15:47

Thanks Mme T,.. we haven't had a great deal of success with clubs. He doesn't like joining in.
Art club last year was a disaster because his drawing (and handwriting) is not great, and it didn't match what was in his head ifswim. He gave up pretty quickly.
We tried Stagecoach but he just wanted to do his own dancing and drama and didn't want anyone else to interfere.
He started tennis recently which he loves, and is good at.
If you ask what clubs he'd like he says archaeology and fencing! He'd probably be brilliant at fencing but he has to be 9.
I'm suggesting some sort of music, I think he's coming round to the idea.

Eniddo Tue 21-Oct-08 11:20:25

go on and on about tennis

I used to carp on endlessly about dd1s swimming and riding

pagwatch Tue 21-Oct-08 11:33:20

I promise you you also have to listen to how he feels about it.
DS1 came home once with a terrible score in something but was absoloutely chuffed because he knows he is just crap at that subgject but had done better than he hoped.
It really is all about how he feels and as long as you are endlessly praising his efforts and his improvements being bottom in a subject does not have to be the be-all.

Kids are surprisingly honest and surprisingly resilient.
Rqually talent/ability rises when you least expect it. Ds1' terrible score was in chemisrty and yet he is doing really well at that now. And went from being average at art right up to 13 to winnig art prize this year.

Just love him. He'll be fine. I am sure you have done the right thing.

And as DD pointed out when she skipped home last on sports day ( with great wisdom for a 5 year old) someone has to be last grin

Wolfgirl Tue 21-Oct-08 12:00:02

Mr Ingles.... awwrrr. Good teacher!

ingles2 Tue 21-Oct-08 12:54:38

I know... isn't he nice smile
As an aside, I can't believe how well my ds's are responding to having male teachers at primary. I didn't think it would make much of a difference, but it really does!
ds2 is very realistic about his results,and he doesn't have a competitive bone in his body. He will happily tell you that ds1 is brilliant at maths but he has better stories and he's right. He says ds1 might be brilliant at football, but he is going to live in the Amazonian rainforest and be a world renowned explorer!
Actually Dh and I think he's going to be a poet living in some garret in Paris or something....
I just want him to be happy ultimately.

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