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started nursery has nightmares and cries

(8 Posts)
mummysue Thu 09-Oct-08 09:56:45

my daughter is 2 years and 10 months and has started nursery from 9am till 12.i used to take her each wednesday to settle her in so she was used to the place.

on her first day she had her bag packed and was waiting at the door since 8am,she seemed to enjoy it when i got her and was full of chat.

that night she had terrible nightmares and has had them every night since she started school.tuesday wednesday she went to nursery no problem but did say she didnt want to go back.

this morning day 4 my heart is broke as soon as we pulled up she started crying clinging on to me for dear life i explained i was going to clean the house and be back for her that she would have fun etc......

she was still crying when i left.the nursery team did say theyd ring me if she continued.

what do i do,my heart is broke and the nightmares are horrific for me and her.ive asked her whats wrong she says nothing........what do i do.please help because the way i feel i could just take her home and never send her back but i know this isnt the answer

Bramshott Thu 09-Oct-08 10:01:05

How many days a week is she going? Any chance you can drop it down for a bit while she settles in? 2yrs 10months is still very little.

onwardandupward Thu 09-Oct-08 19:53:19

"i could just take her home and never send her back but i know this isnt the answer "

If she's not enjoying it, then at 2 years and 10 months I see no reason at all why that shouldn't be the answer (assuming you don't have to send her for child care reasons). When she's ready to spend time away from you every day, she'll let you know

Ali4cotswolds Thu 09-Oct-08 20:08:24

had the same problem with my little boy sad- he settled by being able to wave me goodbye at the door so he could see me go, albeit that he would only do this with certain members of staff.smile
What about giving her something of yours to look after while at nursery if she doesn't have a comforter.

Maenad Thu 09-Oct-08 20:25:49

Do the staff say whether she enjoys herself and gets involved in activities? If so, maybe it is worth persevering a little longer and working out a 'goodbye' routine as perhaps it's just the idea of parting that is the problem. I agree with Bramshott too, that it might be a good idea to reduce the number of days.

My dd started nursery without batting an eyelid at 2.9, and a month later suddenly became tearful about farewells and started having nightmares. It lasted about a fortnight and then was ok again. One thing that really helped was having her key worker greet her with a set activity for the two of them to do together on arrival, so she had something to look forward to rather than just the idea of saying goodbye.

Good luck. I don't think you should feel you have to send her yet at all, but I think it's worth looking at whether she's getting something out of it after the difficult moment of parting.

juuule Thu 09-Oct-08 20:43:21

Agree with onward.

"because the way i feel i could just take her home and never send her back but i know this isnt the answer"

Why do you think this isn't the answer? If she's having nightmares it would appear to be causing her some distress.
She is very young. Why not try again in a few months?

Shitemum Thu 09-Oct-08 20:54:02

Both mine started full-time (10am - 3.30pm)at 2yo. What's more they had previously been in an English speaking environment, home, and the nursery was only Spanish, we live in Spain.
DD1 didnt cry for the first 4 days then cried at leaving and pick up for the next 10-14 days. I cant remember if she had nightmares, think she did.
DD2 started 3 weeks ago. The first 2 days I stayed with her for the first hour or two and then we went home. Then she satyed by herself for a couple of hours, then stayed for lunch etc etc working up to the full day after about a week. She stopped crying a week ago.
So, although children dffer in their reaction to starting nursery I think you should assume a couple of weeks of some crying/disruption. I know how heart-breaking it is - I was in tears as I walked home the first couple of times DD2 stayed on her own and I had to leave her crying and yelling. But now, after only 3 weeks she loves it and tells me what she's done and who she's played with.
I would perservere - it'll get easier. If it hasn't after a month or so then maybe reconsider...

mummysue Sat 11-Oct-08 18:07:39

hi thanks for all the replies.i too thought she was too young but thats the age you start over here,i moved to ireland.

also the reason i started to send her was she was getting so bored as shes only around adults so she was beginning to act about 2o years oldgrin.then if she passed a child she would go look mummy a little girl.

i just wondered how long should i persevere for,now on friday in the house she kept saying dont want to go to nursery and when we got there she ran in the door.

she cant be that distressed as she always gives me a picture shes drawn.i can understand the anxiety when i leave her its the nightmares whats worrying me........think i will give her another week and review then.

dont want to cut the days down as feel it would be harder for her to settle

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