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intense friendship DS reception

(13 Posts)
izyboy Fri 26-Sep-08 17:49:21

Tell me if this seems fairly usual. My DS is not a particularly 'boisterous' kid, not keen on big groups but getting better (goes to football etc).

In the last few months he has struck up a friendship with another little boy in his reception class. This has seemed a good thing, however today the class teacher told me that DS is too intense and the other little boy is feeling 'smothered' and getting upset. She said that apart from one other kid he does not really bother with the other members of the class. (30 children in the class)

I know that DS is pretty sociable on a 1-1 or in a small group. However I feel a bit upset about him seeming a bit 'odd' and not sure how to handle it with him.

pagwatch Fri 26-Sep-08 17:52:52

oh I have seen this lots of times. When DS1 was little a boy adopted him and would follow him around at playtime. And same with DD. In reception DD also had a fav friend who herself had a different fav friend - classic love triangle !

Because they are little they are still learning boundaries.

It happens. I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe gets some other nice kids to come and play so he feels more confident around a larger choice of friends.

izyboy Fri 26-Sep-08 17:57:21

Thanks Pagwatch, the sensible side of me thinks it's normal.

Spoke to the lad's mum and she said that her son loved DS and that I shouldn't do anything. However he is physically a big kid but a bit immature and I can see him being very dominating in a clingy way if he wanted to be.

Twiglett Fri 26-Sep-08 18:00:15

there's rules to friendship.. not all children get them straight away .. there is a book on amazon that has been oft recommended on here that you can buy to help teach him the rules

will go find it .. hang on a tic

Twiglett Fri 26-Sep-08 18:02:24

here you go

izyboy Fri 26-Sep-08 18:02:25

I am here Twiglett...

izyboy Fri 26-Sep-08 18:02:42

Thanks Twiglett

harpomarx Fri 26-Sep-08 18:03:10

I think the class teacher should be dealing with this, tbh - rather than giving you something to worry about! I mean, I can just imagine how it would go down if I tried to say to my 4 yr old 'erm, could you try not being so intense with y and hang out with some other kids at playtime sometimes?' wink

izyboy Fri 26-Sep-08 18:04:55

'Coming on too strong' looks like the right chapter.

izyboy Fri 26-Sep-08 18:08:06

Yep I know what you mean Harpo - I felt a bit at a loss as to what to do - in fact I said something along the lines of what you have said. Cue tears and 'can I go now!' As it happens another little boy is coning to play next week. However DS just 'loves' this kid!!

harpomarx Fri 26-Sep-08 18:11:47

don't worry about it, izyboy - other mum is happy apparently. Really, up to the teacher to defuse the situation if she thinks it is a problem.

harpomarx Fri 26-Sep-08 18:13:26

dd also has a firm favourite and claims he is her 'only friend' at school. Not sure if that's the case or not but I'm happy to wait for her to branch out a bit... sure your ds will do the same!

she's better in 1-1 too. As am I smile

izyboy Fri 26-Sep-08 18:13:34

Thanks Harpo. I think having 30 kids is probably 'doing her swede' at the mo.

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