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My DD HAD to draw a daddy?!?!? I don't think she questioned it but I still feel sad

(56 Posts)
MascaraOHara Wed 24-Sep-08 11:59:29

dd: "mummy yesterdya at school I had to draw a daddy"
me<puzzled>: "but you don't have a daddy, why did you have to draw a daddy, did <teacher> tell you to?"
dd: "yes we haded to draw a mummy and a daddy in our picture"
me: "OK, so did you just drawme then"
dd: "no"
me: "did you tell <teacher> that you don't have a daddy?"
dd: "no"
me <even more puzzled>: "oh, ok, what did you do then?"
dd: "I drew a man watching TV"

sad

So I'm guessing that that teacher asked them to draw a picture of their mummy and daddy.. I think she should have actually said either

a) draw a picture of the people who look after you

or

b) draw a picture of your family

I feel very sad for dd.

I don't want to devalue the concept of a two parent family of course I think it's important but circumstances are what they are and I think the teacher should have been more thoughtful.

My 6yo shouldn't have to tell the teacher that she hasn't got a dad in front of the whole class but she didn't know what to do sad sad

edam Wed 24-Sep-08 12:03:53

Oh dear, that's very thoughtless. You'd think teachers these days would be a bit more careful about assuming everyone lives in a nuclear family.

How did dd feel about it?

singyswife Wed 24-Sep-08 12:06:03

I would send a wee note into the teacher so that dd isnt put in this position again. How sad for her to be put in this position and for you to have to deal with it.

singyswife Wed 24-Sep-08 12:06:34

btw I meant put in the position by the teacher, not through your circumstance. Dont want to upset anyone.

Rubyrubyruby Wed 24-Sep-08 12:08:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilyDale Wed 24-Sep-08 12:10:35

On a similar note, I know of a child who was asked to make a card for Father's Day and had to explain that, actually, her father was dead - she was 6.

Definitely speak to the teacher.

Tigerschick Wed 24-Sep-08 12:11:16

That's very thoughtless on the part of the teacher, isn't it!

When I was teaching full-time I made darn sure I knew the 'home situations' (sorry, can't think of a better way of putting it; I mean who looked after them at home) of all the children in my class - and the surnames of the people coming to parent's evening. It's just common sense.

Sorry your DD was put in such an uncomfortable position. I would certainly drop a note to the teacher, just to make sure she is aware and won't make a similar mistake in the future.

(Also, agree with Ruby about what daddies do grin)

MrsTittleMouse Wed 24-Sep-08 12:12:06

Hopefully your DD got the wrong end of the stick. I mean, the teacher must have come across a non-nuclear family before, surely.

MascaraOHara Wed 24-Sep-08 12:12:10

she was ok thanks, I think she just didn't know what to do or how to handle te situation.

I told her next time she could always dram <my xp> as he is like a dad to her.

But it was obviously playing on her mind or she wouldn't have mentioned it over breakfast this morning.

I've had a think about it and I've decided to bring it up tonight and tell her if she's ever asked to do anything like that again to just draw me and if the teacher says anything to just explain that I am her mummy and her daddy.

dunno what else I can do really.

The school know she is not in contact with her father, however the teacher is new and it was obviously just a thoughtless comment.. nothing sinister and I'm not cross.

When I see the teacher to speak to I will mention it in a conversational way.

MascaraOHara Wed 24-Sep-08 12:13:14

dram = draw

nappyaddict Wed 24-Sep-08 12:15:05

awww how sorry i don't know your situation as to why she hasn't got a dad to give any more advice.

Anna8888 Wed 24-Sep-08 12:16:19

Your daughter's teacher is immensely naïve for this day and age sad angry

snowleopard Wed 24-Sep-08 12:17:10

What kind of dumb-arse primary teacher doesn't realise that not all children come from some kind of idealised nuclear family with 2 parents of opposite sexes and 2.4 kids and a dog? Not only do they not now - they never did - people died, remarried, were brought up by grandparents since the dawn of time. I would have expected this to be very clearly explained to them at teacher training college if they're not up to working it out for themselves. I would be furious. How insensitive. It's not sinister but it is clueless.

LadyMuck Wed 24-Sep-08 12:18:31

Sorry but that is bizarre. It is not exactly an uncommon situation these days. Even having 2 same-sex parents is now more common than it ever used to be ime. I thought that teachers usually did some sort of "About me" topic so that they could work out some of these issues. Definitely need to have a quiet word with teacher.

Rubyrubyruby Wed 24-Sep-08 12:22:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CuppaTeaJanice Wed 24-Sep-08 12:26:38

This reminds me a bit of a little girl at my primary school who was made to sit in the corridor while the rest of the class made mothers day cards. Her mum had just died. sad

I hope, 25 years later, that things have changed. Teachers need to be aware that a thoughtless or throwaway remark or assumption can be very hurtful sometimes.

I'd have a quiet word. Next time she might set the task for a child whose parent has passed away, and unwittingly cause that child distress.

MascaraOHara Wed 24-Sep-08 12:30:19

I think poor teach is just a bit niave.. tis her first teaching job I think.. I expect she just didn't think it through.

It is sad though as dd has a very loving strong extended familly but now poor teach will think that there is me.. and some bloke who watches the TV LOL

I would be interested in your thoughts though.. should I just speak to teacher next time I see her or do you think I should make an appointment to see her one day after school?

DD is sensitive and I don't think she should be left to handle the situation alone but equally don't want teacher to think I'm hypersensitive about it

MascaraOHara Wed 24-Sep-08 12:31:07

OMG CuppaTea.. x posts.. that is just so so awful

poor poor girl, made me sad just thinking about it

RubyRioja Wed 24-Sep-08 12:33:42

I would mention as the teacher needs to be more thoughtful.

fwiw in our school we make cards to celebrate mothers/fathers/valentines day etc to give to someone you love. We speak generally about families and the people who look after you. I bet most schools have children in care as well as the myriad of family arrangements.

I am sure she misspoke and won't do it again.

jelliebelly Wed 24-Sep-08 12:37:03

If this is her first teaching job then maybe you ought to mention it so that she doesn't make the same mistake again with a child who does get upset by it.

nappyaddict Wed 24-Sep-08 12:38:34

definitely speak to the teacher about it. there can't only be your dd who doesn't see her dad!

mumto2andnomore Wed 24-Sep-08 13:38:32

Speak to the teacher or send a little note in. Im sure she will be mortified when she realises or she might be able to explain more about what they were doing.

Northumberlandlass Wed 24-Sep-08 13:41:58

I think you have to mention to the teacher. My DS best friend's mummy died when he was 18 months old - he is quite open about it and talks openly about the fact that his mummy is dead sad - his Dad has a lovely new DP. But, on Mothers Day our school makes cards for someone special / to one I love etc. Much better idea. Although last year, this did make MY DS make for his Granny and NOT for me grin. I think you should have a word and say that you don't expect this situation to arise again. I am very sad for your DD.
x

MadBadandDangeroustoKnow Wed 24-Sep-08 13:49:05

In your shoes, I would clarify with the teacher exactly what the children were asked to do. Certainly, in our LEA which has a very high proportion of children who don't live in conventional nuclear families, it would be pretty much as rubyrioja describes and no teacher (I hope) would be so clumsy as to ask a child to 'draw your daddy'.

If, though, that is what the teacher did then you should certainly point out to her that that is inappropriate and upsetting. If your daughter is sensitive about this, I might ask for a private meeting before or after school with (ideally) somebody else looking after your daughter so she doesn't have to sit in.

Tamarto Wed 24-Sep-08 13:49:36

CuppaTeaJanice - Were you in my class? That happened to me.

At least when i was at school we still made Fathers day cards.

OP - I'd have a quiet word, but make sure they weren't drawing a typical family as a starting point or a family from a book etc.

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