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I cannont believe i am even considering this but....would extra classes/tutor help DD do you think?

(26 Posts)
DisasterArea Mon 22-Sep-08 12:01:28

DD2 has had loads of problems at school. for the last year if i get her through the door it is an acievement.
now in yr 6 and really struggling with the work. was having a paddy last night because she just could not understand how to do her maths homework. she doesn't know her tables. won't read. won't do spellings. i have no idea how to help her. we just end up fighting.
i will talk to her teacher but do you think something like Kumon would be a good idea? or would it just cause a whole new set of issues about learning?

LadyMuck Mon 22-Sep-08 12:03:11

I think that you need to explore what the root of her problems are. Is it about motivation or ability?

avenanap Mon 22-Sep-08 12:05:55

Maybe it's not being explained to her in a way that she understands at school? I would talk to her teacher and make sure the way you are teaching her is the way they do things at school. It can be confusing if she's being taught 2 different ways. I would also give her some kind of incentive, a sticker chart for completing her homework neatly with a small treat at the end of the week? It took ds a long time to grasp the homework concept, we had many battles along the way. It does get better though. I would talk to the teacher if she is struggling though.

FluffyMummy123 Mon 22-Sep-08 12:06:52

Message withdrawn

undercovercat Mon 22-Sep-08 12:06:58

If she doesnt know how to do what shes being asked to do, someone needs to take her back to basics and teach her from where she does start to get muddled.
I would get some help from somewhere, a really sympathetic tutor maybe, to build the base blocks, get them firm then go upwards from there.

DisasterArea Mon 22-Sep-08 12:09:19

tis a combination of motivation/ability.
i think she could be bright if she ever tried anything. but she won't. we've done sicker charts. the last one got ripped to shreds when the homework did in a paddy.
she really is an utter nightmare. i know.
i am very aware though that this year she really does need to learn to find things out for herself and to get on with what needs doing. next year she won't get much leeway (at secondary school). also she will be expect4ed to know the basics, which she doesn't.

DisasterArea Mon 22-Sep-08 12:10:45

and yes - i am very much part of the problem. i get incredibly frustrated and while trying to stay calm and positive - she should bloody know her bloody tables not sit there whinging and expecting me to tell her the answers.

avenanap Mon 22-Sep-08 12:10:59

I would talk to her teacher and see what she says.

undercovercat Mon 22-Sep-08 12:11:12

My dd is a stubborn mare and it is a nightmare, I realise that. Your dds attitude may change if she IS taught the basics and can grasp what it is thats being asked of her.

FluffyMummy123 Mon 22-Sep-08 12:11:25

Message withdrawn

undercovercat Mon 22-Sep-08 12:12:45

I would get a poster of the tables and put one up next to the loo. It will seep in. I have done this with stuff my dd needed to know for the 11 plus and its became the place for Post It notes for spellings etc.

DisasterArea Mon 22-Sep-08 12:13:25

did this last year. now she's even further behind.
this year the rule is that if the homework isn't done twice then she'd have to stay in and do it at school.
may work but at least at home i can help (a bit) whereas at school she'd have to do it alone and couldn't. although would lessen the stress at home.

ingles2 Mon 22-Sep-08 12:14:43

I think a tutor could help in this situation. We had a lovely one for a while to help ds2 with the basics, number bonds and that sort of thing (he has dyscalculia) He improved loads with sympathetic assistance that doesn't come from mum!
Does your dd have any SEN? Have you talked to her teacher about these problems?

ingles2 Mon 22-Sep-08 12:15:34

x post...
can she do it on her own at school though? Is this a more of a problem when she's at home?

MadBadandDangeroustoKnow Mon 22-Sep-08 12:15:37

I would talk to her teacher and listen to what s/he suggests. But if a tutor is the answer, then I think one-to-one with a tutor who can devise a strategy to help your daughter, rather than Kumon (which I've heard is good, but is probably going to want to slot your daughter into their ready-made programme) is the way to go.

ingles2 Mon 22-Sep-08 12:16:56

I agree with Cod actually,...leave her to do it alone to start with and see what happens from there.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt Mon 22-Sep-08 12:16:57

Is she a perfectionist?

ingles2 Mon 22-Sep-08 12:19:41

Good point jimjam... maybe she doesn't want to attempt it because it won't be as perfect as she'd like.?

DisasterArea Mon 22-Sep-08 12:20:14

has perfectionist tendancies - in that won't start things or try new things because she can't do it well enough.

ingles2 Mon 22-Sep-08 12:22:13

oh blimey...
I've got a bit of this with ds1 and I haven't a clue how to deal with it.

undercovercat Mon 22-Sep-08 12:22:59

Sounds like my dd. I start off by saying this is YOUR homework, I will help you and suggest things/stategys to find the answer BUT I WILL NOT GIVE YOU THE ANSWERS...
and sometimes it works, best to attempt after food and a drink, in a quiet place with some peanuts or something to munch on..
sometimes it ends up with a screwed up piece of paper and both of us in foul moods.

YeahBut Mon 22-Sep-08 12:30:00

We have a lot of this with dd1 and dd2. It now turns out that they have ADD / ADHD. They have huge problems with maths, handwriting and spelling. They both say that they feel stupid compared to the other kids in the class because they just don't "get" things in the same way as other children. Dd1 gets very anxious but will try, however, dd2's coping mechanism (because these things are so destructive to their self-esteem) is to not even bother trying.
Your dc may be absolutely fine, however your post just rings warning bells for me after all that we have gone through. She may well not be motivated, but if you've spent enough time feeling that even when you do try, it doesn't work, it's not a surprising result. I'd ask for a meeting with your school's SEN co-ordinator and ask him/her to monitor your daughter and to give you advice. HTH

DisasterArea Mon 22-Sep-08 12:33:15

interesting. will do that. thanks

Anna8888 Mon 22-Sep-08 12:40:11

Buy a CD with times tables on it and play in constantly in the car.

My sister's DD (4) knows all her times tables perfectly just from listening over and over again while her brothers were learning them.

PoorOldEnid Mon 22-Sep-08 12:41:58

yes I would recommend a private tutor

she may listen to the tutor in a way that she doesnt listen to you

bribe her to go

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