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Anyone moved their child after just 2 weeks in a primary school?

(16 Posts)
bubblesbabe Tue 16-Sep-08 08:54:57

My ds (6) is sooo miserable. Crying everyday. I think I made the wrong decision with the school I chose but he has only been there for 2 weeks and despite the teacher being great and having made a few friends he hates it. Help.....

aintnomountainhighenough Tue 16-Sep-08 09:02:06

A friend of mine moved her ds after a couple of weeks but that was because was just bloody awful, her ds was quite happy. Why do you think you made the wrong decision? Children get upset for a variety a reasons - what is he saying about life at school?

GooseyLoosey Tue 16-Sep-08 09:05:16

If he has friends and the teacher is nice, do you know why he hates it? I assume as he is 6 that you have moved hime from another school, could he just be missing that?

taipo Tue 16-Sep-08 09:12:34

Are there other reasons you're not happy with the school?

I think if you are happy with the teacher I'd wait a bit longer to see if he settles before thinking about moving him.

DaisySteiner Tue 16-Sep-08 09:16:50

I think 2 weeks is much too early to think about moving him and may send the message that his fear/upset is justified and the problem might just carry on at another school.

Does he cry at specific times of the day? Does he say why he gets so upset?

plusonemore Tue 16-Sep-08 09:17:38

i'd be careful, you could really send the wrong messages to ds, you would prob find you go throught the same thing (or worse) if you moved him. In my experience (teacher) children often cry initially because of the unknown, then as time goes on it just becomes a habit which goes with time. Hang in there if the teacher is lovely and he has made friends!

cory Tue 16-Sep-08 09:30:11

If the teacher is great and he is not being bullied (which you don't mention) what is your reason to believe that he would like it better at the next school? He may end up with a teacher who is not great and no friends at all.

I would definitely leave it longer. Many children are upset for a few weeks and then end up loving it. Unless there is something you haven't told us that makes you wary of this school?

If he is really unhappy about the whole school thing, then I would say the choice might be about helping him to cope with his unhappiness or preparing for home schooling.

But if you have any other reasons to believe he would be happier at another school, please tell us.

scarletlilybug Tue 16-Sep-08 11:46:14

Agree that 2 weeks seems a bit soon to be thinking of moving him (although I know how awful it is when our children seem unhappy).

Can you try the normal things to help him settle... invite someone around for tea. Maybe have a quiet word with his teacher if possible and see how he is at school. Good luck.

pudding25 Tue 16-Sep-08 12:09:33

Have you spoken to his teacher to find out when/why he is crying. IMO, it would be ridiculous to move him after 2 wks. He likes his teacher, he has made friends - he is just getting used to the school and is probably a bit unsettled. Surely, moving him to another school would be worse?
Unless, there is another reason that you have not mentioned?

onwardandupward Tue 16-Sep-08 14:13:49

Great post from Cory.

"If he is really unhappy about the whole school thing, then I would say the choice might be about helping him to cope with his unhappiness or preparing for home schooling."

I agree with this whole heartedly.

Some children just take a little while and then settle in and are gleefully happy to be in school. Some simply are not ready aged 4 or 5, and will do much better in a different environmemt, either at home or with childminder or back in nursery for another year. You're the best judge of whether he's trying to tell you that school is the wrong place for him just now, or whether he's trying to tell you that it'll be ok, but he's a bit wobbly about the new environment.

bubblesbabe Tue 16-Sep-08 20:05:43

Thank you all so much for your replies. I was having a dreadful time with him and really needed some sensible advice. He is yr 2 and has moved from a tiny school to a very big school. He says he is scared and sad. I managed to get him to school today at 11am and the deputy head took him from me. When he is at school I am told that he is fine and he does mention things that have happened during the day quite happily. It is the getting ready, leaving and going to school that upsets him and he cries and begs me not to make him go. I feel so sad leaving him, as though I am betraying his trust. I also feel like I have lost my chirpy little angel. I try to be very positive with him, we have had a friend back for tea etc but nothing seems to be working with him. It has been a week now and seems to have got worse not better. Any advice gratefully received x

Elibean Tue 16-Sep-08 22:35:51

No personal experience, other than as a child myself - going from a small school I'd been in since nursery, to a huge school in another country. Its basically really scary to start with - a whole different scale of 'world' to live in. I was only there a few months (my father was on sabbatical) so never got totally used to it, but I definitely felt happier after the first three weeks or so...I'd give it longer than two weeks. I do remember liking the teacher, and having some friends, but the size of the place, the number of kids, and the different rules made me feel simply unsafe - and I wasn't used to feeling that way.

If it was dd1 going through it, I think I'd use a mix of chats, role plays (I use her cuddlies, or small dolls that she loves to play with - not sure what I'd do with a ds!), helping her find small things/places/moments in the new school which feel safe or happy to focus on, etc.

It must be heartbreaking to see him sad, but I would try to put your self-doubt about your choice of school to one side for a bit longer, and focus on helping your ds through his sadness. Its very normal for him to be missing an old, safe, cosy environment (grieving, even) and for that matter, it would take me, as an adult, more than two weeks to feel safe and secure in a big new workplace! Wishing him happier soon...

pudding25 Tue 16-Sep-08 22:39:20

Can you speak to the school again and ask if they can buddy him up, maybe with a child in his class/maybe with an older child. We do this sometimes at school with new kids wo have joined. They love it.
Keep having playdates as well. Are there any after school clubs he might enjoy?
It must be really upsetting for you but I bet you anything, in a few weeks time, it will have all settled down. The key thing is that school say he is happy there and he is telling you things that are happening at school. These are good signs.

Pawslikepaddington Tue 16-Sep-08 22:49:44

Please don't worry too much-he may be slightly over-playing it to you because he doesn't feel as at home as he did at his old school, and really wants to get this across to you as he feels like you can fix anything.

Give him to the end of term, and if he hasn't settled by then look into a new school. Upscaling to a bigger school must seem very daunting to him-maybe it is spooking him a bit, but he will soon get used to it, and if he doesn't then look into smaller schools.

I know it's not quite the same as she hasn't moved schools as such, but my dd (reception) is finding going to school hard too-she cries and screams, hides every time I try and get her to get dressed/brush her teeth/eat breakfast/put her shoes on-it is taking over 2 hours each morning atm. She screams that she hates me for sending her there etc, that I am cruel and mean and she should let her stay at home. I have spoken to her teacher, classroom assistant, and even had other teachers and mum's with children in other year groups (it's a small school) pick me out at the gates and say that the smile is never off her face, she is chatty, helpful and polite, but the second we turn the corner on the way home she is inconsolable!

cory Wed 17-Sep-08 07:53:16

If he is fine in the day, then I wouldn't worry too much. I went through phases of having to drag dd into infant school in the morning and her perception now is that she had a lovely time.

As you say it was the getting ready for school that upset her. She had an idea of the school that was totally different from the school she actually found when she got there. There seemed to be a special monster school lurking between breakfast and the school run which then disappeared for the rest of the day.

SO in her case I don't think changing schools would have done a thing- the monster school would still have been there iyswim.

fedupandisolated Wed 17-Sep-08 08:05:52

I moved my DS after about 3 weeks in a new school. Can't explain why but it just did not feel right. DS kept saying he didn't like it.
Teachers perfectly nice but the school as a whole was very stand offish and not welcoming to parents.
Crunch came for me when a school newsletter focused on:

1. Parents behaviour when dealing with disputes (yes parents do need reminding at times but this was very parents vs school).
2. Advice NOT to ask for assistance from the reception staff if the office blind was down at the desk. This was VERY off putting - surely reception staff are there to answer queries and vet who is coming into the school. My son had been through a traumatic time with DH and I splitting up - the last thing I needed was the school keeping me at arms length.

My gut instinct was right and I moved DS - he settled rapidly into a different school and has been there ever since.

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