Any ideas? Y1 dd upset that she is going to be told off !

[mrscraig]

My dd has just started Y1. She is going in v upset and doesn't want to leave me in the mornings.
Her new teacher is v different from her Rec teacher - v traditional and strict according to various sources- and dd told me last night she is frightened of her and that lots of children were getting told off and she didn't want to be one of them.
My dd is very sensitive and hates to think she is upsetting anyone or being naughty. She is very quiet at school,although not so at home.

I told her I would have a chat with her teacher after school - but what do I say? I am conscious that I don't want to criticise her (am a teacher of Y1 myself and don't want to tread on professional toes) but I think she should be aware of how my dd is feeling. I don't want her to think I am a pandering soppy parent and be villified in the staff room - I know my dd has to get used to different teachers and personalities - but I think if her new teacher could just reassure her it would make the world of difference.

A tricky one - so some sensible advice would be appreciated!

[piratecat]

gosh, not sure what to advise but it must be upsetting for you. it is very hard, hmm what to say.

Perhaps you could say that dd has been upset about being in a new clas, and you'd really appreciate it if she could keep an eye on her, or let you know how she been?

that's non accusatory.

Also sometimes it's worth geting to know the class assistants, in my exp, as they seem to notice things that maybe the teacher doesn't.

I am concerned about my dd too, it must be hard for them to start a new class, and yr 1 is v different to reception isn't it.

[mrscraig]

It is different but without meaning to sound judgy - I teach Y1 and for the first few weeks I operate a receptionesque classroom - haven't had any tears!

I know that children settle quickly if they do have a wobbly morning but it is soooo different from a parental perspective.

[piratecat]

oh god yes, totally different.

There are two teachers for dd's yr 2, and dd was really getting upset that she would end up getting the (in her words) 'bossy one'. So i had two weeks of wondering which one she'd get, before they told us, and also what to say to her if she had got the bossy one.

Luckily she didn't, so I can imagine it must be very hard to know what to say to her.

It must be extra frustrating of you as a teacher who see's a teacher being sterner than you would be.

[mrscraig]

Well you can be firm without being scary!
I will talk to her after school - will ask her to keep an eye on her and say she is sensitive.

Keep saying to dd - it will get better,it will get better - like a mantra!

[OrmIrian]

IME some teachers often are stricter to start with. Sort of setting the ground rules. And then relax a little as the term progresses. I'm not sure there is much you can say other than your DD is a bit nervous and please keep an eye on her.

[GrimmaTheNome]

My DD was scared cos she was getting the 'scary' teacher. But knowing she was a good quiet child (at school!) I told her to be good and then she wouldn't get told off. And AFAIK she wasn't and the teacher was fine as a class teacher, DD ended up saying she liked it cos the boys were quieter this year.

[mrscraig]

Thank you grimma - i like the idea of telling her to be good. She is desperate for me to go in and help too, so might mention this after school.

[imaginaryfriend]

Dd had a very strict teacher in Reception. She was so scary that most of the mums dreaded approaching her. Perhaps because she hadn't known any different dd kind of got used to her although she always referred to her as 'too shouty'. This year she's got such a gentle, kind teacher I think she doesn't know what's hit her.

I don't see what you can say to the teacher to be honest. Your best option is to teach your dd how to deal with her. Teach her that there are always stricter teachers and gentler ones and that there will be good points with the one she's got. And remind her that all of her classmates are in the same boat.

[MollyCherry]

Can you find out how much of this teachers reputation is just reputation. When I was at school (and admittedly 11 rather than 6) we went up to our last year at middle school and our form teacher had a horrific reputation. Most of the girls in my class were in tears the day they found out. He was actually a great teacher - one of my favourites and one I still have fond memories of at 33!

[specialmagiclady]

There was a P3 teacher at my school with a dreadful reputation for being scary and shouty. She could silence the entire school with a word. But once you got to know her she was the nicest woman in school. She was always chosen to tell the whole school to be quiet just because she'd had voice training and could be really impressive.

Maybe same is true of your girl's teacher. Nonetheless, a word about the way your daughter's feeling might not go amiss...

[cory]

My infants teacher had a reputation. My brother was aghast on my behalf when he found out I was getting her. But once I got to know her she was lovely.

Ds was very scared of his Year 3 teacher because he was a man/middle-aged/had a booming voice and sometimes did not seem to respond to the pupils. Yes, you guessed it: he was hard of hearing. Once ds had realised, he started looking beyond the externals and found out what a lovely man his new teacher was. He cried when his teacher announced he was retiring.

[mrscraig]

Hi thanks for the advice so far..
Spoke to her teacher this week and she said she has nothing to worry about! However, she is still very upset going into school.
We are trying a happy face chart to try and jolly her out of it - so far, not many happy faces on there!
Would really appreciate any tips about leaving a distressed child - I know what I would do as a teacher to help a child but as a parent I am at a loss. Dont know what to do for the best really - one minute I feel very sympathetic towards her , the next I feel sooo frustrated with her. Am a truly rubbish parent!

[bobsyouruncle]

not got any advice really but I was your dd as a child! tbh I just think some children are very anxious, I certainly was, and all you can do is try to build her confidence at dealing with particular situations in and out of school. My dd has just started school and is enjoying it but is also a bit anxious about some situations. For example, yesterday she was going for a school lunch and told me she was worried because she didn't like custard!? She said her voice won't work when she's nervous! So we practised saying "no custard thank you" and talked about how nice the dinner ladies were etc. Sounds daft but I think as long as you get them to tell you what they're worried about then you can help them develop strategies to deal with it. Sounds like the teacher is being supportive too? I'm sure as she spends more time there she will realise nothing awful is going to happen and become more confident. Very upsetting for you though.

[hotcrossbunny]

Hi. I'm feeling for you I was an Infant teacher before children and I know what you mean about handling it as a parent being so different to as a teacher.

Um. Would it be possible for your dd to have a job to do straight away when she gets to school? It could be sorting out the toys in the role play area(if there is one!), sharpening pencils, putting newspaper on the art table etc etc. Nothing she could get 'wrong' but something to focus on immediately, rather than worrying about the whole day stretching ahead of her.

Does she have any special friends she could look at a book with as soon as she arrives?

Will keep thinking... I don't understand why the jump from Reception to Year one needs to be so huge in some school. Surely the children would settle faster if it were more like YR initially, and then gradually became more formal?