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First ever post: My daughter will not settle in new class of year 1.........

(11 Posts)
popsy0204 Thu 11-Sep-08 21:21:41

Hi there, Well, what a site you have here. My friend told me about it this morning and said I should post my dilema.
My daughter (5) loved the reception year. Never had a problem. This week starting year 1 has been a nightmare. She's been crying and crying saying "don't leave me mummy, I miss you so much mummy!" She says now and again she's upset she has been split from her friend who is now in another class. But mostly she tells me that its a long day and that she wants to come home for lunch. So yesterday and Tuesday she had home lunch and she went into class those mornings absolutely fine. Hoping that it had broken the crying ritual, I was really upset this morning when she was worse than ever. I told her that Thursday and Friday were packed lunch days. I think she thought that by hanging on to me for dear life that I would have to stay with her or take her home. So I had to prise her off and be really firm! I had tears in my eyes walking out the class. I've been advised not to take her home for lunch as it adds to the setlling in process. Bu tthen again I feel that maybe it is a long day for the little ones after 6 weeks at home with mummy.

fryalot Thu 11-Sep-08 21:27:14

oh poor you!

Have you spoken to her teacher? And if so, does she settle after you have gone and have a good day, or is she unsettled while in class?

If she is settling okay after the initial leaving you, I wouldn't worry too much, and I'd be tempted to just be hard and get through it. If she's crying and being upset in class though, that needs dealing with by having a chat with the teacher and coming up with some strategies for helping her through this.

Sexonlegs Thu 11-Sep-08 21:28:03

Hi Popsy, and welome to MN! You are in the best place here.

I am really sorry about your dd; it is heartbreaking isn't it? My dd has also recently gone up to year 1 this week, and she is finding it quite tough. She has been a bit clingy, but not too bad- there is only 1 class per year, so everyone has moved up together.

I am sure things will settle. Do you know how she is in class when you are not around?

Hopefully someone with more experience will come along soon.

fryalot Thu 11-Sep-08 21:28:52

oh yeah, welcome to MN blush

tis good here, stick around grin

BoysAreLikeDogs Thu 11-Sep-08 21:28:58

hello popsy and welcome to MN


I would be inclined to agree with teacher, in that taking her home for lunch might seem to your daughter to indicate that school is something to escape from iyswim.

Steel yourself, force a smile on your face and she should settle soon. Try not to get anxious, she will pick up your anxiety.

Good luck.

Marina Thu 11-Sep-08 21:31:02

I definitely think the step up to year one is unsettling a lot of children (welcome popsy, that's one of dd's nicknames .
As it happens dd is OK, but quite a few of her classmates have been a bit teary and anxious according to their mums.
Agree with squonk, speak to the teacher and see what else the school can do to get your dd over this blip. As she was so happy in Reception I wonder whether the less play-centred approach in Yr1 is affecting her. They do definitely work harder.

pudding25 Thu 11-Sep-08 22:47:35

Please do not stress. I teach yr 1 and it takes a little while for the kids to adapt. I bet you anything, she is fine once you go. Probably best to let her stay at school for lunch though as it will be more unsettling for her to leave and come back again. Let the teacher kno what is happening. I am sure that she has some strategies up her sleeve to help your dd and the other children who are behaving in the same way. Good luck. She will love yr 1, it can be fun smile

littlestrawberry Fri 12-Sep-08 06:23:58

DS1 has just entered Y1 and there are a few kids in his class who are crying when they go in. DS1 is ok but he says he finds it a long day, and I think quite different to Recepton.

Like others have said I would talk to her teacher for some reassurance and advice and just give it some time. I'm sure she will settle.

RupertTheBear Fri 12-Sep-08 07:46:51

Hi I have been a reception and a year one teacher and to me it sounds like there is something upsetting her at lunchtime if she is perfectly happy to go on the days she doesn't have to stay for lunch. Lots of children hate the noise and chaos of the dining room. It might be worth talking to the teacher about this and asking her to keep a special eye on her at lunchtime. Children can get really upset over what seems to us to be tiny things. We had a child once upset at lunchtime because the dinner lady had told her (nicely) not to put her crisp packet in the bin. We also once had a child getting upset at lunchtimes because another child had once had a massive paddy in the dining room and the noise had frightened them.

CapricaSix Fri 12-Sep-08 07:56:27

My dd woke up in the night crying a couple of times during the first few days of school saying she missed Reception & her Reception teacher. she was absolutely fine during the day though, and it seems to have passed, thankfully.

About lunchtimes - in Reception did she not stay for lunch then? It took dd quite a while to get used to the lunchtimes when she first started (Reception go in the dining hall like everyone else at her school), she said it was too noisy & the teachers also said that the counter is taller than most of the little kids so queueing up etc would have been quite intimidating. Quite apart from the fact that dd is a v fussy eater so that might have been worrying for her too. I heard that she didn't used to eat much at all (she has a tiny appetite anyway at mealtimes), but I think it gradually got better and stopped being an issue.

I was just very firm on the point that she had to get used to it, I'm afraid. I agree with others that letting her home for lunch is just more unsettling, and reinforces the idea that it really is something to get upset about or try & avoid.

One of the nights that dd couldn't stop crying last week I just sat with her for a while and let her talk through all the things she missed, and then talked about changes in my life (e.g. at work etc) and that you get used to it, change can be positive, etc and then moved on to talk about other stuff, like what we were going to do the next day. She hasn't got upset since that conversation.

popsy0204 Fri 12-Sep-08 09:39:51

Hi all,

Thank you all so much for your messages. Its really nice to hear mums in the same situations and to hear how they have coped with similar circumstances.

I'm happy to say that my DD went in fine today - even with a big smile on her face as she carried her packed lunch box in.

marina, yes popsy was what my dad called me when I was little (still does) blush, I think you have a point about the change in routine in Year 1. They do work harder and it must make them more tired and anxious.

pudding25 and rupertthebear, thank you for your feed back, especially as you are both teachers! I think it must be something at playtime unsettling her too. She still likes to play with her friend from reception and I think she can't find her at lunchtime because their classes eat lunch at different times and that must make her feel a bit anxious.

caprikasix, yes my DD has spoken many times about missing reception and her teacher. Yes my daughter stayed for packed lunch everyday in reception, thats why its taken me back why she's suddenly being like this. Your little conversation with your DD sounds as if thats just what she needed. Last night I went through the menu for next weeks school dinners with her. She's never had them so I think she may look forward to trying it out. Another of my tactics.

Anyhow I know I may have more tears next week but I hope not. I'm sure things will only get beter now.

Thanks again,

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