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DS Second Week in Reception class-seems miserable-is August baby-am I on wrong track?

(13 Posts)
exflyer Wed 10-Sep-08 20:29:01

Hello, my ds started our local primary last Thu, he turned 4 Aug 11th and was 6 weeks prem, so by rights is a school year early. A sensitive only child who I have socialised as much as possible and who attended a fantastic nursery he loved. His school is small but has 31 in reception class, majority of whom know each other,ds went to different nursery outside of village so has no friends at primary. He is putting on a brave face but looks miserable when I leave and also when I collect him. I am finding it distressing and I really don't want him to go anymore. I am worried that in such a large class of noisy and boisterous children he will get swept along and overlooked with issues he needs help with. I would prefer him to attend a public school with small class sizes, but my husband wishes him to go to the local school, or at least give it a go. I detested school and so I do question, am I projecting my anxiety about school onto him? The teachers are lovely and aware of my concerns. Am I being paranoid?

compo Wed 10-Sep-08 20:37:15

Has he started half days?
Have you managed to have a word with his teacher about how he is settling in?

Nemoandthefishes Wed 10-Sep-08 20:44:30

do agree about looking at half days if possible. Also can you pick up any other childrens names form him or their parents and get chatting to them so he has a familiar friend. Ds started reception today and is in school he went to nursery in but there are 4 classes per year group so he has been split from a lot of children he knew/played with which has been hard but I have made a point of finding out the names of a couple of other children in his class.

ForeverOptimistic Wed 10-Sep-08 20:45:02

I empathise with your situation. I too have an August born ds who was not due until September. He will be starting school in January and went to a different nursery so will not really know anyone either.

I find that ds settles at nursery/toddler groups when he is with his friends. I plan on inviting new classmates over for tea/playdates to help him settle. Do you think this approach could help your ds?

nell12 Wed 10-Sep-08 20:47:36

Speak to his teacher, you may find that his sad face in the morning is due to you leaving him and his sad face in the afternoon is due to him being exhausted after a full day of playing and new adventuressmile

He may well be picking up on your worries

Does he talk about school when he is at home?

pointydog Wed 10-Sep-08 21:02:23

So they don't even let prem children start school closer to their due date birthday in England?!

The starting age issue in England is a pretty awful one.

However, I think you might be projecting a lot of your own feelings here. Talk to his techer, try to get reassurance and give him at least a couple of months.

critterjitter Wed 10-Sep-08 21:30:36

Isn't it the case that children don't have to legally start school until the term after their 5th birthday? Do you actually want him in school? Could you delay?

onwardandupward Wed 10-Sep-08 21:49:09

Hi exflyer

By law he doesn't have to attend school (or be educated otherwise) until the term after his 5th birthday.

If your gut is telling you something's wrong, then in your shoes I would

1) take him back to nursery until January or Easter or next year


2) Do just as many school days as he feels like, and as short as he likes - full or half days. (but that might be impossible if you work)


3) just enjoy him with a home-based life and lots of playdates and outings for another few months! They grow up so fast - what's the hurry for full-time school? Especially when it is so young.

(others will say "oh he'll be fine" but only you can know whether he's thriving or not at this age and, if not, what's the point?)

compo Thu 11-Sep-08 07:35:59

exflyer - hope you are ok smile

LadyMuck Thu 11-Sep-08 09:05:30

"I would prefer him to attend a public school with small class sizes, but my husband wishes him to go to the local school, or at least give it a go."

I think this will in part be the crux of your issue. As far as you are concerned you haven't sent him to the best school for him. It is therefore going to be very difficult to be completely impartial.

Can your dh do drop off and pick up one day so that he can see how it is?

kiddiz Thu 11-Sep-08 10:09:18

While I agree with most of what has been said on here and that you and your dh know your son far better than any of us, my one word of caution is that he has only been going a week so it is very early days. Some children do take a lot longer than this to settle into new situations.
I've had friends who perservered with dcs who were unhappy when they started school and also friends who kept their dcs at home as long as possible. Both have their pitfalls and benefits.
I would certainly speak to the teacher before you make any descision.

Fimbo Thu 11-Sep-08 13:36:37


My ds is on week 2 and hating it. He was fine to start off with, but he is not really into painting and crayoning etc which is set out on tables every morning.

Today he came out with a swollen puffy face, he had obviously being crying hard and for a long time. He said the other children were snatching things from him (but he probably gave as good as he got).

He did have one friend he made when he started last week, but that seems to have tailed off. He knows all the children in the class, but has a tendency to stand on the edge watching them iykwim rather than actually playing with them.

My dd is 10 and he seems to prefer being around older children and his cousins etc. He seems to relate more to older children.

He is one of the elder children (December born).

hellion Thu 11-Sep-08 14:17:07

I sympathise with you. My DS1 was in the same position last year (also 6 weeks prem, ,and very senstive). He also found it hard to settle. We had some bad weeks to start off with, but it did get better as he found his feet. Do speak to the teacher, as they will be able to tell you how your child has been in class. Give it a bit more time - it is still early days. Hope things work out.

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