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Dd's first day in reception on Monday and i can't take her.....please advise on my options.

(38 Posts)
lisalisa Thu 04-Sep-08 13:18:43

Dds who's nearly 5 is starting in receiption on Monday. She's been at the School for 2 years already in its pre-nursery and then nursery. she is familiar wiht the nursery staff and headteacher and of course the children in her class.

I always take the children to school on their first ever day. AFter that my dh does rota wiht another mum.

This year its my best friend and dh's first cousin's son's barmitzvah. In other words my closest friend and family's function on sunday. We are staying the night in the hotel sunday night after the function. The "we" is dh and I and our eldest 3 children. The youngest 2 children , inclujding dd3 the subject of this post, are remaining at home with our au pair as they are not invited .(It is quite common in our circles not to invite childrne at all as this is a 5 * hotel in centrla london and is sit down dinner and dance - our eldest 3 are only coming as 2 are best friends with barmitzvah boy's siblings and other one is close to boy himself. )

I am torn about dd3's first day in recpeiton. Au pair could take her. Au pair is thankfully one of the nice sweet loved ones and dd does love her. I could also let her miss the first day and take her the next day myself instead. I can't drive back from teh hotel to take her as it is over one hour drive and there is a big breakfast planned at hotel next morning and I do'nt really want to miss it - friend would be offended too probalby if i missed it. All other kids attending are having ( permitted) day off school.

My friends all say to sae nd her in with au pair. I'm tempted to do this too but feel a bit mean for dd. What would you do?

lisalisa Thu 04-Sep-08 13:19:45

And if au pair takes her I would pick her up muyself that day without question!

RubyRioja Thu 04-Sep-08 13:21:10

I don't suppose DD will see it as a big day, but tbh, I would get up early and drive back that morning. I would feel OK to sacrifice the breakfast having attended the Barmitzvah.

herbietea Thu 04-Sep-08 13:21:34

Message withdrawn

Mercy Thu 04-Sep-08 13:23:37

I'd let the au pair take her tbh.

As you say, you will be picking her up later so you can make a bit of a fuss of her (or whatever) then.

Perhaps you could phone her before she leaves for school?

lisalisa Thu 04-Sep-08 13:28:38

Hmmm rubyrioja - i did think of driving back yes, but........ I literally half kill myslef for my kids - I'm one of those bend over backwards mums - dropping htem and their friends everywhere ( without a reutrn journey from a friend's mum in sight!), lots of extra curricular ( that they want not me!) and always home cooked dinner and cakes etc ( even if I'm cooking at 3.00am!). Just for once I felt like sleeping in ( as the youngest child wiht us will be 7 and she loves lie ins!) after the function which will end v late as we're all going to nightcpa in hotel lobby ( more catered food ) after other guests leave - invited time - midnight in pjs!!!

So...to get up at about 7.00am ish to drive thourhg london rush hour just made me sigh.......

Wish for once I could just sleep in and enjoy all teh activities on offer at the hotel...........

is it so bad? is it? <lisalisa whimpers pitififully>

Anna8888 Thu 04-Sep-08 13:33:09

Let the au pair take her. It really isn't a big deal in the wider scheme of things. You can explain your other conflicting responsibilities to your DD - she is quite old enough to understand - and buy her a little surprise to open on Monday morning before going to school.

Anna8888 Thu 04-Sep-08 13:35:21

I do think that barmitzvah parties on Sunday night are a big pain though smile. We often say no to Sunday nighters because of the havoc it wreaks on school.

lisalisa Thu 04-Sep-08 13:45:38

Thanks everyone and lovely ideas Anna and Mercy about calling her in teh morning and a little surprise for her....think I'll buy her some pretty hair ribbons for au pair to do her hair with - that she'll really appreciate!

RubyRioja Thu 04-Sep-08 14:16:22

Not saying you should Lisalisa - just what I would (ill advisedly) do!

WHy not stay and enjoy it, possibly bribing her with a bear in school uniform from bear factory (nb clearly money is answer to all life problems grin

MrsPankhurst Thu 04-Sep-08 15:41:38

If it was me, assuming I couldn't get out of going to the barmitzvah, I would drive back home (or get a driver/taxi) after the barmitzvah on the Sunday so I could be there in the morning for the Big Day. Your child's first day at proper school is a huge milestone, imo, and the build-up is important too, imo. Depends of course on which you think is more important - staying in a nice hotel and big breakfast, or sharing a huge milestone in your child's life. Sorry to be harsh, but for me it would be a no brainer.

marialuisa Thu 04-Sep-08 15:54:45

My DD attended nursery at her school before starting in Reception. It was a total non-event for her so in your position I'd stay for the breakfast TBH.

ChasingSquirrels Thu 04-Sep-08 20:31:14

what do YOU want to do?
I didn't take ds1 on his first day (or pick him up - it was a half day). I did take him the next day as I don't work Fri's, but then didn't take or pick him up the next couple of weeks (except Fri) until he was full time - when I could pick him up.
I wasn't at all bothered by this, but if YOU are then you need to do something about it.

chapstickchick Thu 04-Sep-08 20:59:23

i couldnt take my ds2 to school on his v first day sad

i was in hospital having a c section with his baby brother,so my friend took him and she was a childminder with about 20 kids in tow so he just went in class by himself sad......ds2 wasnt at all bothered and to this day i feel guilt but he really didnt care!!!

children dont remember this sort of stuff.

get to the bar mitzvah - enjoy your lie in nd breakfast- leave her a little treat and make a big fuss when u pick her up.

chapstickchick Thu 04-Sep-08 21:00:38

i couldnt take my ds2 to school on his v first day sad

i was in hospital having a c section with his baby brother,so my friend took him and she was a childminder with about 20 kids in tow so he just went in class by himself sad......ds2 wasnt at all bothered and to this day i feel guilt but he really didnt care!!!

children dont remember this sort of stuff.

get to the bar mitzvah - enjoy your lie in nd breakfast- leave her a little treat and make a big fuss when u pick her up.

chapstickchick Thu 04-Sep-08 21:01:28

i couldnt take my ds2 to school on his v first day sad

i was in hospital having a c section with his baby brother,so my friend took him and she was a childminder with about 20 kids in tow so he just went in class by himself sad......ds2 wasnt at all bothered and to this day i feel guilt but he really didnt care!!!

children dont remember this sort of stuff.

get to the bar mitzvah - enjoy your lie in nd breakfast- leave her a little treat and make a big fuss when u pick her up.

chapstickchick Thu 04-Sep-08 21:02:09

ooopssssssssssssss sorry!!!!

Mutt Thu 04-Sep-08 21:03:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Portofino Thu 04-Sep-08 21:10:16

I think if she knows the school it shouldn't make a big difference. My dd is 4.5 and has just started her 3rd year at the same school. She was dead excited about having all new stuff and seeing her friends but DH took her this time. I don't really think she would have cared much who it was. I'd probably go for the hotel stuff under the circumstances but probably would feel a bit guilty.

I think there is a big difference though from taking your children to the same place for pre-school then reception etc, than "proper" first day at school in the traditional sense.

Hulababy Thu 04-Sep-08 21:17:50

I personally would have got up early and taken her myself if I could - put I am a bit over sentimental about stuff like this, and only have one child too so maybe a touch PFB at times I have to leave for work before 7am on a work day anyway, so used to it.

lisalisa Fri 05-Sep-08 11:50:00

Hmmm thanks everyone. Have decided to stick to plan of buying her little gift and leaving her a nice note and calling and going with barmitzvah plans in hotel.

As someone said above there is a big difference in it being a totally new school where she is unfamiliar wiht everything and everyone to just moving across the play ground into the reception classroom - she knows the children and has been in the classroom to get used to it a few times and tbh I htink my taking her in is more for me to enjoy and remember the first day in uniform as she'll probably roll down the slope and straight in without a backward glance leaving me to recall why exactly I got up at 6.00am to do this for 5 mins........

Now if she were nervous/shy etc that's a whole different story........

Anchovy Fri 05-Sep-08 12:08:30

Ah lisalisa, you've just posted what I was going to say, about 1st day at school not necessarily being a big deal.

If you look at that thread about whether it is appropriate for whole family to turn up for 1st day in reception, what is quite clear is that it is a bigger deal for some than others. My DD has been at the school in the nursery for a year, and had been doing pick up and drop off for 2 years before that. I doubt if she can actually remember not going up to the school on a daily basis. Only difference yesterday was that she had uniform on.

For the record DH and I have to duck and weave a bit with attendances at children's school things because of work and for the record neither child is remotely scarred by it. They always have someone. I think the key is never to make it sound like it is a bad thing. I'm always quite straightforward about it "Oh, Mummy won't be at Sport's Day because she will be in Japan/meeting/whatever, but will you phone me up as soon as you get home and tell me all about it and I'll get dad/nanny to take loads of photos for us to look at after".

If your DD is anything like mine, hair bobbles would be an ace present - DD currently has a scrunchie that matches her school dress that she is very taken with! That would more than make up for mum not being there.

Mutt Fri 05-Sep-08 12:49:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fennel Fri 05-Sep-08 13:10:56

I would let the au pair take her but I would make an effort to pick her up, or take her the next day, or something like that.

My children would be fine with that though. Mine are like yours, they have been or are in preschools attached to their schools so it hasn't been a huge transition into reception. but even so, mine would be fine with another adult they were close to taking them.

ChippyMinton Fri 05-Sep-08 14:06:13

Making someone else's child's party/a lie-in a higher priority than your DD's first day at school?

Not a decision I could live with - sorry if that sounds a bit harsh but your thread title states that you "can't take her" and that's not true is it?

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