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I burst into tears at dinner today when I asked dd what she did at playtime and she said I walked around on my own.

(59 Posts)
twinsetandpearls Tue 02-Sep-08 23:21:14

We have just moved to the other end of the country, we moved so dd could have a better life, the kind of childhood we wished we had had.

She is 6.11 and started her new school today, she has always been a popular child and very confident. Over the summer holidays we sent her to lots of holiday clubs and activities to make friends which she did but the children were all older than her, she seems to make friends with older children much easier.

I just can't bear it that dd had a hard day and nobody to play with, I am filling up as I type this. She was so happy where we were and I know she wants to go back.

How long should I leave it before talking to the school.

There is one girl she spoke to in class, I thought about inviting her to tea.

AvenaLife Tue 02-Sep-08 23:22:23


ThatBigGermanPrison Tue 02-Sep-08 23:24:52

Ds1 told me yesterday that at playtime he had nobody to play with and he walked about on his own because all the boys told him to go away <<Molotov cocktail mood>>

This morning I spoke to the teacher. He's five, this should NOT BE HAPPENING.

Today he assures me he played multicoloured power rangers with 3 other boys.

I am convinced the teacher set this up.

Grab the teacher in the morning.

twinsetandpearls Tue 02-Sep-08 23:25:41

It is heartbreaking when you think your child is unhappy and you have caused it, even though you meant well. She is not being picked on, maybe I need to give it a few days.

twinsetandpearls Tue 02-Sep-08 23:26:39

I can;t because I am at work but will ask dp. Dp thinks I am fussing though.

Dynamicnanny Tue 02-Sep-08 23:26:59

I would pobably leave it until Thursday and then send a little note, speak to the other girls mum about coming to play.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better

pointydog Tue 02-Sep-08 23:27:18

It is actually fairly common for a small child to say they walked about by themselves at playtime. I know it hurts but give it a little time. If you;'re still concerned, speak to her teacher for a more honest picture of how your dd is getting on.

Dd1 used to say this when she was 5/6 but she wasn't actually unhappy so try to guage your dd's feelings rather than letting your own overwhelm you.

Twiglett Tue 02-Sep-08 23:29:06

ok twinset this is what I'd do

I'd ask to speak to teacher and ask about a mentor scheme

I'd throw a party for the whole class in a couple of weeks at your house if possible .. to meet the children and parents (hello we're new to neighbourhood)

I'd go into school and volunteer in another class. Join the PTA.

I'd start the playdates too .. so inviting girl for tea is a good idea, ask teacher who else she feels your DD will get on with it

and I'd take deep breaths .. it will all be ok .. it's just adjustment is tough ..

twinsetandpearls Tue 02-Sep-08 23:29:08

It is hard because I moved school, albeit as a teenager and found it really hard. I would hate to think my own dd was that unhappy.

My sister also struggled at primary school and had no friends. She used to wander the playground on her own and everyone would laugh at her, to my shame I did nothing. I am sure this will not happen to dd but the thought of her wondering around with no one to play with bought all of those memories back.

pointydog Tue 02-Sep-08 23:29:12

prison, it's fairly common for that to happen to 5 year olds every so often. It's more a case of how often does it happen and how does the child feel.

MrBombasticTeleFantastic Tue 02-Sep-08 23:30:59

This has happened to all my children at one point or another.

Give her something little to fiddle with at breaktime, a bouncy ball or some TopTrumps for instance. She will settle, it just takes a little while.

She will settle.

Overmydeadbody Tue 02-Sep-08 23:31:46

I see pointydog beat me to it, I was going to offer the same advice.

Of course it is heart-breaking for you to hear, but give it time, she's only been at the school one day, she needs time to find her bearings before launching inot friendships, I wouldn't assume walking around alone is necessarily a bad thing.

Give her a week at least.

twinsetandpearls Tue 02-Sep-08 23:33:32

It is her birthday in a few weeks so we are throwing a party for the whole class, which I hope will help.

I have put my name down to be a governer and will join the PTA as well that is good advice. I teach myself so getting into school is hard. Her o;d school was a catholic one so we knew everybody through church and very much felt part of a community. It is not the same here.

I have tried to be proactive over the summer , so we have joined a childrens club at the museum and we are in the town carnival. A girl in her class also goes riding where dd is starting so that should help.

twinsetandpearls Tue 02-Sep-08 23:35:21

I feel so daft that I burst into tears, bless her she came up to me and squeezed my hand and said I had no friends but I am not sad so please don't cry. I am worried that I have made it worse and she will now worry about telling me things.

Dior Tue 02-Sep-08 23:36:19

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twinsetandpearls Tue 02-Sep-08 23:36:26

There is supposed to be a buddy scheme and someone was supposed to be with her for the day.

pointydog Tue 02-Sep-08 23:37:37

Right, she's not sad. So you need to try to stay objective about this and not show her that this is making you sad. It's early days. This is all perfectly normal. Take it easy.

pointydog Tue 02-Sep-08 23:38:36

Someone probably was with her for key parts of the day. It's hard to make one 6 yr old stick closely to another all through every break.

twinsetandpearls Tue 02-Sep-08 23:40:01

Dior it is funny that you said that because that is exactly what dp said. I have never seen her struggle to make friends. INfact we laugh when we go out for the day as she does this little routine where she will play next to a group of children and then very gradually gatecrash.grin

Dp said that when he Dad phoned (which was after tea) she listed her friends. Now I thought that she did this to stop her dad worrying, particularly as I had just burst into tears. DP thinks she was playing me.

Dior Tue 02-Sep-08 23:41:37

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Dior Tue 02-Sep-08 23:42:10

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Dior Tue 02-Sep-08 23:42:52

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twinsetandpearls Tue 02-Sep-08 23:43:04

I know you are right pointy I am projecting my own experiences and anxieties onto her and as dp said to me while we were clearing away I need to "get a grip" blush

twinsetandpearls Tue 02-Sep-08 23:44:54

I am not convinced she was telling her Dad the truth Dior tbh, and was very shocked when dp said he thought she was playing the sympathy card. I find it very interesting that you thought that could be the case without knowing that dp had said the same.

Dior Tue 02-Sep-08 23:51:23

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