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im very anxious about Sept, just humour me will you

(25 Posts)
deanychip Sat 09-Aug-08 14:18:59

After my ds's school report which was terrible, i need to speak with his new teacher when he goes back.
I am getting very anxious about it though.

What i need to say is that i need them to communicate with me, possibly via a kind of daily diary for the days i cant pick him up???

How can we together tackle his "lack of comitment", "lack of concentraion" "unwillingness to join in".
and his "innapropriate behaviour"

I feel desperate and so sad for my son.

Cammelia Sat 09-Aug-08 14:20:31

I'm surprised that the teacher didn't speak to last term, a report should not really come as a complete surprise ime.

How old is your ds?

deanychip Sat 09-Aug-08 14:23:38

he was 5 a couple of weeks ago.sad
I asked her a couple of times why his name was on the naughty board, i had to ask she was not going to say anything.

wessexgirl Sat 09-Aug-08 14:25:01

Oh, deanychip, I remember your earlier thread and being flabbergasted that your ds's teacher hadn't communicated with you before.

He's only 5, isn't he, iirc?

Here's hoping that the new teacher will be a bit more forthcoming. Don't be anxious - it's your right to be kept informed about his progress, especially if he needs a bit of extra help. I really hope his experience in the new class will be better for both of you smile.

(I'm dreading dd1 starting in Reception here, for no better reason than daft PFB-ness wink.)

deanychip Sat 09-Aug-08 14:27:54

Thanks wessex, i cant stop thinking about it.

my poor uncontrollable beastie boy!!!

mrz Sat 09-Aug-08 14:34:53

Sorry if I'm being unprofessional in criticising a fellow reception teacher but what a terrible negative report for a four year old child.
How many four year olds are committed? The average attention span for a young child is 2 mins for each year of their life plus or minus 5 mins so if your son can concentrate for 3 mins at a time he fits in the norm. Lots of very young children are reluctant to join in it is the role of the teacher to encourage and give children a reason for wanting to angry

Cammelia Sat 09-Aug-08 14:38:26

He was a four year old reception child ?angry

How ridiculous not speaking to you last term, what on earth was the "inappropriate behaviour"

And how were you supposed to help him/defend him/explain, etc etc without any communication from the teacher.

This is really not on, no wonder you are sad

deanychip Sat 09-Aug-08 14:41:05

The report went on to say that he was disruptive in "many" lessons and that she was unable to assess his abilities due to this.

She didnt tell us any of this either as he went along or during parents evenings.

The one positive comment was that he excelled in any thing to do with electricity, building or construction.

deanychip Sat 09-Aug-08 14:42:50

innapropriate behaviour was wetting other children by sticking his finger in the water fountain on week 3 of starting school last Sept, she told me about it because he would not stop it every time he was unsupervised. He also stepped on some snails with 2 other kids at one time.

mrz Sat 09-Aug-08 14:51:01

When did your son start school?

deanychip Sat 09-Aug-08 14:58:24

Last September ( he had been 4 for a month)

mrz Sat 09-Aug-08 15:07:16

Sorry but I find it incredible that the teacher is still referring to something that happened 11 months ago. Experimenting with a water fountain is annoying but natural and IMO only requires a brief "telling off" and a "warning" not to do it again.

deanychip Sat 09-Aug-08 15:18:51

Unless she means something else that she hasnt told me about.

How do i make this better for next year though?

newpup Sat 09-Aug-08 15:21:06

Deanychip I would look forward to your son having a new teacher and a fresh start. To be honest I would not go straight in and talk to his new teacher about last year. Let him settle in, he may really flourish with a new teacher. Maybe, try and wait a while, go in at the end of the first or second week and just ask how he is settling in. I would not refer to last year, this is a fresh start. If you suspect, after a while, you are not being informed of things you think you should be, then go and see the teacher and ask to set up a communication book ,if he does not have one already. You can see via regular comments how things are going and can then go in if you have a particular worry.

It is important that your son sees a new school year as exciting and a clean slate. The new teacher may really help him to change how he performs at school

frogs Sat 09-Aug-08 15:28:09

In your position I would ask for a meeting with the new teacher fairly early on in the term. Tell her what you though about the other teacher's report, incluing that you felt you hadn't been given enough information to support your child properly.

And don't be too defensive about your ds's behaviour -- he's very little, and most half-experienced teachers should have come across much more disturbed and disruptive kids than your ds sounds to be. What last year's teacher is essentially saying in the report is that she wasn't able to manage your ds's behaviour in a way that enabled him to take a productive part in classroom activities. That's her shortcoming, not his -- he's a 4 yo boy, and running around pointlessly is what they're programmed to do, and he obviuosly can concentrate and work at the stuff that interests him like building and electricity.

I would want to make sure from the off that the new teacher has a very clear plan about how she's going to work with you to make sure your ds is able to access the curriculum properly, because he was clearly let down last year. And if you don't get good answers, I'd be after a meeting with the deputy or the head.

deanychip Sat 09-Aug-08 15:30:37

While i see your point about fresh start, new year i need to tell her that she needs to speak to me, that there are issues from last year...i can absolutely guarantee that his old teacher has said something to the new teacher, i need to involve myself.

deanychip Sat 09-Aug-08 15:34:09

frogs, old teacher was deputy head.
You put it SO well for me to understand another perspective and i thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. I cant tell you what that means to me,

frogs Sat 09-Aug-08 15:42:28

Old teacher being deputy head is not good news. Do you like the headteacher of the school?

I think when you have your meeting you should be non-confrontational (ie. not go in being critical of Reception teacher) but make it very clear that you are concerned about his report, and unhappy that it came as such a surprise to you, since it means that you weren't able to support your ds (and the school) to work together productively to help him have an easier and more useful time.

If you don't like the vibes you get at that meeting, or if things don't get better pretty quickly, I'd be looking for a new school, tbh.

Seriously, there were kids in both my older dc's reception classes who came in F-ing and blinding and kicking chairs around, attacking teachers and running out of school. It wasn't their fault -- they were small boys who'd had a lot of quite difficult experiences. With time, patience and support all of them ended up as reasonably integrated members of the class. Your ds's experience is nowhere near that league -- it sounds like normal 4yo behaviour that's been very poorly handled imo.

Caz10 Sat 09-Aug-08 15:46:52

great posts frogs, agree with everything you have said

deany not much point in repeating, but those are not huge problems, the problem seems to have been with the teacher

i have taught real problem kids as frog described, and your DS does NOT sound like one of them.

asking for regular updates is not unreasonable at all

good luck!!

deanychip Sat 09-Aug-08 16:01:23

Thanks so much.
Actually his last teacher was a nice lady and its not in my nature to be confontational, i just dont believe that is a good way to go either.

It seems like they are only used to quiet little children that toe the line and do as they are told, its a "nice" school in a "nice" area, although his class size was 27.

He is active and will not sit still for long, he is a busy bee, certainly not agressive and does not hear swearing, never mind speak it.

Hm, ok, will start by asking for a quiet word with new lady (who i am told is a lovely lovely teacher by another mum)

I might buy a little diary and give that to her and ask her to jot down a few words for me each day, and ask her how we should tackle any difficult behaviour...with reward and positivity, see what she has up he sleeve.

Should i speak to ds about it or not?
(havent done so, so far)

deanychip Sat 09-Aug-08 16:04:35

Really REALLY want to avoid the upheaval of another school, so hope that we can sort this out quickly.

One of my bigg concerns was that it was him bieng uncontrollable, but feel a bit better that it is the teacher who the problem lay with. Because if this was the case, if i were to move him, the same thing would be a problem.

mrz Sat 09-Aug-08 16:59:30

I agree with frogs. I've been kicked bitten and punched by children when they first start school but wouldn't have written a negative report at the end of the year. Explain to the new teacher you want to work together to support your son who is very young and prevent any problems so would appreciate if they could inform you straight away of any issues should they arise. Could they contact you by phone during the day?

pudding25 Sat 09-Aug-08 21:30:27

Speak to his new teacher in September and tell her about your concerns. I teach year 1 and have had many children come into my class who have been unruly in reception and totally settled down in yr 1 as they have grown up. Your DS was very young when he started reception. Also, the reception teacher sounds dreadful and probably did little to nurture your son and help him. You will hopefully find that the yr 1 teacher is much better. Tell the new teacher that you want regular communication, even if it is only a 2 min chat at the school gate. She should be happy to do this. Please stop worrying as the new teacher should work with you to resolve any issues that arise.

deanychip Sun 10-Aug-08 08:44:53

Ok, thanks, will do that.
I have a feeling that he may well settle down this next year.
Thanks again every one.
Deany x

critterjitter Mon 18-Aug-08 17:35:45

Did you get the opportunity to respond to the report (was a form enclosed with the report to allow you to do so)?

If you strongly disagree with his report, I would make sure that you put your thoughts in writing (politely) to ensure that this goes on his file, as well as his report.

And see the Teacher! Perhaps gauge at what stage/ level s/he considers an incident to be an incident (if you see what I mean!).

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