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State school or Private?So confused.Really need help please!

(37 Posts)
chocciedooby Fri 11-Jul-08 09:12:13

Since our DS1 was born we have had him on the waiting list for a reputable private school.
Over the last few months and weeks I have had a number of niggling doubts as to if we sre doing the right thing.Would we be better sending him to state school?Would he become a more grounded person at state school?One of my main concerns has been that if he goes to private school he will only mix with rich kids and I am afraid of him becoming a snob.
Obviously there is a huge financial difference as well and I am grateful that we are in the position to have this choice.
The extra cash would help but at the same time I want to put our child 1st.
Our other main concern if we go the state route, we would want to move DS to private at 9.How would this effect him?Would it be hard to integrate etc and effect his work?
As I live in Ireland the education system is slightly different to the UK but I would love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar position or has experience of moving a child from 1 school to another and the effects that had.

zippitippitoes Fri 11-Jul-08 09:17:06

if he is going to move at 9 anyway then if the snob/posh concerns come about then he will be subjerct to them anyway..its the older age groups that the envorionment is more likely to apply to

it depends on your child and the local schools surely

TeacherSaysSo Fri 11-Jul-08 09:29:51

chocci, imho its the parents who make the child a snob, not the school. Make your decision on class sizes and results (and of course money!).

hiccymapops Fri 11-Jul-08 09:38:24

Hello smile

I have to say i agree with TeacherSaysSo.

I went to a state school when i was little, then i came to live with my dad and went to a very expensive private school for my high school years.

The last thing i would say is that i'm a snob. I really do think it depends how you are brought up.

I must admit our son is only just turning two, and we're having the same conversations!

LadyMuck Fri 11-Jul-08 09:39:36

What are your reasons for sending him to a private school? There are plenty of ways to avoid him becoming a snob, but if your reasosn for sending him are snobbish then it will be more difficult for him not to pick up on that.

crokky Fri 11-Jul-08 09:45:21

TeacherSaysSo is right. It is the parents who make a child a snob, not the school. DH went to an expensive school on an assisted place, but mixed with lots of rich people. DH isn't a snob and neither are the majority of his school mates. There is just one who is a snob, but this is to be expected I suppose.

chocciedooby Fri 11-Jul-08 10:21:56

You are right, the parents make the snob not the school.
Let me tell you more about the dilemma we have because as we all know its really hard to make this decision and I want to make sure its the right one.
DH went to the private school from 5yrs to 18yrs of age.
I was educated in England in state school all the way through.
We come from very different family backgrounds. My family are successful, down to earth middle class country folk. DH's are rich city bigwigs(or so they think!)
The national(state)school has a great reputation and is very academic.The private school has good teachers but I am hearing they could be better for what you are paying.
We let DH's family know what we were considering yesterday and they have launched a negative onslaught of state schools. The snobbish comments are shocking.

chocciedooby Fri 11-Jul-08 10:22:59

Can I ask, do you think that state schools make a child more grounded?

zippitippitoes Fri 11-Jul-08 10:23:46

so for educational reasons send him to the state school

i really cant see why you would want to do otherwise?

vcertainly no point sending private to a crap school

geekgirl Fri 11-Jul-08 10:28:00

I think so imo. They learn to rub along with everyone (I know there'll be a barrage of people here in a minute saying that their private school is hugely varied etc. - but really - how many children in care attend private school, or how many children where both parents are unemployed?).

Where we live, the non-selective comp we're in catchment for gets the same results as the selective private school. It's a complete no-brainer really, why pay for something again that you can get (better) for the taxes you pay?

Cosette Fri 11-Jul-08 10:32:30

My DDs both went to state infant and junior schools (up to age 11), because the local schools were very good and I saw no reason (plus couldn't afford it anyway) to pay privately. When my eldest DD started at state secondary she was unhappy, and so, as our financial situation had improved, we moved her into a senior girls independent school, and her sister follows her this September.

I too was concerned about the prospect of snobs - but so far, this has not been a problem. I chose a school with a good attitude, that take a fair number of girls from state junior as well as local prep schools.

You should be comparing the schools - if the school you really like is private, then pay, if not then go for the state school. My DD has settled really well into her school, and being state up to joining hasn't been a problem - either socially or academically.

chocciedooby Fri 11-Jul-08 10:35:07

The private school has 1 junior class of 30 pupils.
The state school has 3 classes of 27.
DH thinks state school is too big.
He is also concerned about DS struggling once moved.
State school has 5 resource teachers to entire school. Private have 2 per yr.
I am more than happy to go state on this but DH is leaning towards private.
Putting the cost of the education aside is it better to put DS into a school that he will settle in, remain in, have friends for life in or 2 schools for better grounding where he will make friends and then have to leave in 4 yrs time?I am so confused.
Has anyone found this transition hard?

zippitippitoes Fri 11-Jul-08 10:36:49

thats a big clas for a private junior school is it really cheap

if the state school gets good resuklts i cant understand why you would be turning it down

chocciedooby Fri 11-Jul-08 10:38:22

Thats reassuring Cosette.Thank you.
I felt more comfortable with the state school but maybe thats becuase I am afraid of private?!DH prefers Private. We can afford private but would be a push when DS2 also joins DS1 next yr.
I also want another child.I think DH has issue with that and the cost of it
This is such a complicated situation.

zippitippitoes Fri 11-Jul-08 10:41:21

i am not seeing your dilemma here about the schools

the dilemma seems to be your dh wants private regardless because that was his experience

have you been to visit the state school

i really cant see any point in using a private school if the state school is as good or better or even nearly as good on all measures

chocciedooby Fri 11-Jul-08 10:46:09

Its a fairly good class size for Ireland.
the state school does get good reaults but they do take on ovr 80 kids at the start over the 3 classes. ood class size for state school.
My gut feeling is to go state and worry about the move into private in 4 yrs time.Yes he will be removed from his friends etc but will adjust.
I do think every child is different and will cope in different ways.DS1 is quite insecure at times (but he's only 4) but also very sociable.

zippitippitoes Fri 11-Jul-08 10:47:19

why are you sure you want to move at 9?

thats an odd age

chocciedooby Fri 11-Jul-08 10:48:45

I agree with you Zippitippitoes.
DH had a good experience in the private school but has even said himself that it could have been better academically.
Our decision has been blurred due to his family interfering. They have told us we would be makng a big mistake if we went state and his mother even said she will fall out with him angry
That just makes me more determined not to be bullyed into what THEY think is best.

chocciedooby Fri 11-Jul-08 10:50:05

The private school have their intake of state pupils at 9. They have guaranteed his place and his brothers.
We would not get him in after this point.
it is a very difficult school to get into.

chocciedooby Fri 11-Jul-08 10:51:03

He would probably be the only child moving at this point so would not move with any pals.Is that so bad?

zippitippitoes Fri 11-Jul-08 10:51:45

was it this school he went to?

i think it has sod all to do with his parents tbh

they are clearly in the thinking that state isnt good enough which in itself would be a good reason to choose it to counteract their insidious attitudes

my children went to a kmix of private and state for educational not social reasons

zippitippitoes Fri 11-Jul-08 10:52:51

the private school sounds manipulative too

they are tryiong to get people to pick them over the perfectly adequate state provision

seeker Fri 11-Jul-08 10:55:30

But if the state school is better academically, why move him at 9? I must be missing something - if the only reason you want to send him tot he private school is that your dp's parents are crashing snobs (sorry, but that's what is sounds like) and there are no advantages in terms of class size and results, then go state and spend the money on lots of lovely holidays, and music lessons and all the other bits and pieces which are fun to do but which cost lots.

chocciedooby Fri 11-Jul-08 10:57:41

Oh Zippitippitoes you are so right and so good.
This is the school DH went to.That was the initial reason why we put him on the list when he was born!!!Ridiculous to have to do it at birth I know.
Yes his family think state school is second rate. angry
I could start a whole other thread about that let me tell you.
The private school have said they can guarantee DS's place for 3rd class which is not the norm but as DH is a past pupil they can do it.

chocciedooby Fri 11-Jul-08 10:59:52

Secondary school education is very poor in this part of Ireland.Junior level is great. Thats why we would move him to private at a time thats guaranteed.
Other schools have intakes at 10,11 and so on but not this school and we would not get into the others.

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