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DS has just been 'kegged' and does not want me to go into school to sort....

(21 Posts)
porkypoo Wed 09-Jul-08 16:25:52

We have one and half weeks left at this school until he moves up to secondary. 3 lads find it mega amusing to keep taking the pee out of DS. I would love to go in and get this sorted out, but DS is reluctant to, saying it will only make things worse. Some of these boys are moving on to the same secondary. But one is just a trouble maker and lives up the road. What should i do? He is a popular lad with the rest of the class.. (by the way kegged is pulling down of trouser and pants - incase you didnt know already!!!)

OomphreyCushion Wed 09-Jul-08 16:28:01

I would phone the head now, tbh.

Trousers being pulled down is humiliating enough, but trousers and pants is awful.
And in Y6 they should know better - and if they don't, they need to be told, and punished accordingly.

DS need not know you are phoning.

MsDemeanor Wed 09-Jul-08 16:30:00

Go into the school. Children cannot imagine that grownups will sort the situation and feel intensely humiliated by this sort of bullying, but allowing the bullies to get away with it sends the wrong message to them and your son. I firmly believe he needs to see you taking action and to see that these bullies can be confronted and punished.
He doesn't need the responsibility of being the one who chose to 'tell' on them. That's your job.

MamaG Wed 09-Jul-08 16:31:08

I agree that I'd speak to the head - but I'd tell him I was doing it and why.

porkypoo Wed 09-Jul-08 16:44:51

Will the school not think 'leave it theres only a week and a bit left?' hmm

GrapefruitMoon Wed 09-Jul-08 16:48:20

I would also phone the secondary school and tell them your son is being picked on by these boys and see if they can ensure they are put in different forms.

LittleBella Wed 09-Jul-08 16:50:03

No do something about it.

Sometimes kids say they don't want you to do something, but they do really.

If he really didn't want you to do anything, he wouldn't have told you.

If the school say leave it there's only a week and a half left, they won't be doing their job. So I doubt if they will say that, this is a serious case of bullying. And also, it's very important it's dealt with so it doesn't set the tone for their behaviour to your DS at secondary.

MrsWeasley Wed 09-Jul-08 16:52:10

Some boys did this a few months ago in our school the deputy head sorted it with some stern words and threats of calls to parents!

It stopped as quickly as it started!

branflake81 Wed 09-Jul-08 17:47:32

Personally - I would leave it. There's a week and a half left, it might be more trouble than it's worth. I think kids should fight their own battles and your son should tell the teachers himself. If he doesn't want to, that's his call.

LittleBella Wed 09-Jul-08 21:36:25

I think telling kids to fight their own battles is basically telling them that you're going to let them be bullied.

paperdoll Wed 09-Jul-08 21:48:13

I don't know - I was bullied at school and when various grownups tried to help, it DID just make things worse. It made the bullies sneakier and got me a reputation for being someone who just went running to teachers etc (in fact it was my parents who did this but hey ho).

There was all sorts of crap, eg the school counsellor (himself unwittingly a figure of fun amongst the cool kids) taking the bullies aside for a sensitive conversation about how they shouldn't be mean to me. Teachers being extra sympathetic to me. I used to cringe constantly - I would rather have just waited it out. Part of me knew that I would grow up and out of being an uncool victim eventually. I knew this because the good support and love I got at home helped me to like myself and look at the bigger picture. Ultimately I think that is by far the best thing for parents to focus on - not well-meaning efforts to involve the school authorities.

I think he told you because he needs your support and needs to know that you believe he can handle these people; not because he wants you to storm in to the head. He said that would make it worse, and he is probably right - I know you may not agree, but I urge you to at least consider this.

Hugs to you both

paperdoll Wed 09-Jul-08 21:51:45

should add that that good support and love came mainly from peripheral figures around the home, not so much from my actual parents themselves, who were a bit self-absorbed!

seeker Thu 10-Jul-08 07:30:39

My daughter has a "friend" who bullied her on and off in a low key sort of way all through primary school. Then at the end of year 6 there was an incident that I thought was more serious, so after much dithering, I went to talk to the Head about it because I didn't want her last weeks of primary school spoiled. He agreed to keep an eye on the situation.

during year 7 there was another bit of hassle with this girl - and when I talked to dd's form tutor it turned out that they were already on the case - because the primary head had flagged up the potential problem to them.

So I would talk to the head - partly for your son's sake, but also because the school obviously need to look at its policies and practice around bullying.

porkypoo Thu 10-Jul-08 09:44:01

I ended up texting a teacher friend at school. Saying that DS did not want me to go in as it would make it worse. She said that she'll look into it today and get back to me later. Im hoping that i have tried to deal with this in the best possible way. But am worried that its gonna ruin his last weeks at primary school too seeker. sad

AnAngelWithin Thu 10-Jul-08 09:51:42

ring the teacher. at their age they should know better. and he doesnt want to go up to secondary school thinking its just going to get worse. and get ds to wear a belt. not so easy for them to pull them down then. they will maybe give up then if they cant do it?

flamingtoaster Thu 10-Jul-08 10:12:56

Early in secondary school DS experienced minor instances of bullying behaviour which he didn't want anything done about. However, it then escalated - his upper half was forced out of a first floor window (his hands resting on a ledge outside the window) and the window closed on his body so he could not get back in until the bullies released him. I didn't know about this until he finally told me he had been completely pushed out of this window on to the ledge. The school was, not surprisingly, horrified when I told them and all bullying stopped immediately. If your DS experiences bullying in secondary school from these boys I would advise you to act sooner rather than later!

porkypoo Thu 10-Jul-08 11:52:02

I can't understand why people bully. Is it cos they are lacking something in their own lives? hmm

colditz Fri 11-Jul-08 00:30:48

A disproportionate amount of bullies have shit lives at home. I'm not defending a child who bullies, but most have overbearing parents, or parents who have completely failed to apply any boundries whatsoever

expatinscotland Fri 11-Jul-08 00:39:04

go the school.

there needs to be a zero tolerance to this sort of bullying, regardless of what the kids' life is like at home, they need to learn fast that that's not how you act in public and if you do there are unpleasant consequences.

rachelp73 Sun 13-Jul-08 21:14:48

I can't understand those parents who have the attitude that you should leave kids to fight their own battles. Why do kids have to be treated as second-class citizens? If this was an adult that had gone through this, it would be in all the local papers, it would be a criminal case of assault and there would be a huge outcry. Why should kids be expected to go through this and just put up with it for fear of being labelled a "grass"?

I agree it must be difficult for all the children involved if it is a case of verbal bullying,and maybe there might be a case to just leave things be in cases like that, but in a case like this, which in an adult would be classed as a serious assault, this HAS to be flagged up to the school immediately. There's no way I would expect my kids to put up and shut up if something like that happened to them. Never mind that it's the end of term, your kid needs to feel that you back them all the way on this one.

SofiaAmes Sun 13-Jul-08 21:34:26

You really should have said something the very first time it happened. It's unacceptable for the kids to do it. But it's also not a good idea to teach your child that it's ok for him to let it happen to him. AND to give him the message that you are ok with it, because you are not saying anything to the school.
This happened last year to a 1st year boy at my dc's school. The responsible girl was excluded for a day and the laughing cohorts all had their parents called in for conferences and some sort of afterschool punishment. It sent a very very very clear message to the rest of the school that that behavior will not be tolerated and there hasn't been anything else even close since.
My ds had some verbal bullying in the same year and I immediately spoke with the teacher about it and she took simple, but very effective steps to nip it in the bud. Ds had a lovely rest of the year. It started again this year at the beginning of the year and again I spoke with the teacher who nipped it in the bud and again ds had a lovely rest of the year.

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