Authoritarian teaching assistant

(27 Posts)
House2020 Sat 05-Dec-20 08:51:49

My DD usually loves going to school. However, since going back to school she has commented quite a few times on the teaching assistant in class (year 6). The teaching assistant has said a few things that has bothered me. At the start of term the teaching assistant was teaching the class new rules and explained about the 5 Bs. Which is something along the lines of Brain, Board, Book, Buddy and Boss. The children were told to use the 5bs in a particular order when working. My DD went through the Bs and still needed help so asked her buddy. The teaching assistant basically told my DD off for distracting the pupil next to her. When my daughter tried to explain she yelled at her and said 'don't answer me back, ??? is a good boy and you are disturbing him'. On another occasion the teaching assistant said 'good morning' to my DD and because she didn't answer she went into a tirade of 'how rude for not answering me' etc. There have been lots of other similar things like this and she seems very old school and not nurturing and kind. It seems to be turning my DD off wanting to go to school. She seems to be constantly commenting/finding fault with my DD. If it was just one single thing it wouldn't matter but every day there seems to be something she has shouted at my DD about.

OP’s posts: |
FelicityPike Sat 05-Dec-20 08:54:25

Your daughter was rude though for not answering the “good morning”.
If it’s really bothering you (which it sounds like it is), speak to the TA/ class teacher/ head teacher.

Varjakpaw Sat 05-Dec-20 08:54:35

It is rude not to answer.

Finfintytint Sat 05-Dec-20 08:55:07

Have a word with the teacher and bear in mind you have your child’s version of events so far.

Hermanfromguesswho Sat 05-Dec-20 09:01:08

Also bear in mind that the 5 Bs will be for use at certain times. If your child was talking to the child next to him at an inappropriate moment then answered back when I asked him not to disturb the child, I would have seen that as rude behaviour too (and I’m a very nurturing TA)
Ignoring an adult when they say good morning to you is incredibly rude (it sounds as though he has agreed he intentionally didn’t answer rather than he didn’t hear)
Sounds like your child is getting a bit of a year 6, biggest fish in the pond attitude and needs reminding to be polite and respectful

House2020 Sat 05-Dec-20 09:03:50

Yes I agree that it is rude not to reply. I was just trying to give example of the types of things the teacher says. It just appears that at every given opportunity this teacher is shouting at my DD. She has never been in any trouble for behaviour issues. It is as if the teaching assistant is looking to find fault, which if course is easy to find if looking for it.

OP’s posts: |
Mycircusmymonkey Sat 05-Dec-20 09:04:35

Without more examples it’s hard to say. YABU on the second one though not answering when someone says good morning is pretty rude for a yr 6 pupil who is old enough to understand good manners

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House2020 Sat 05-Dec-20 09:07:20

Thank you for your replies, it is good to have other points of views. It has just been a bit of a shock as my DD normally loves school and has never said a bad word about the school. I will have a chat with her about it.

OP’s posts: |
AaronPurr Sat 05-Dec-20 09:08:33

I would definitely have a chat with the teacher, but be mindful that you're only getting one side of the story from your DD and it's likely to be exagerated in her favour.

With regards to the 5Bs. There's a chance she was asking for help from her buddy, but equally she could have used it was an excuse when she was caught talking.

The not replying to a good morning was rude, and sounds deliberate. It's also worth remembering that this is once again from your daughter's perspective, and the tirade could have just as easily been the TA explaining why the behaviour was rude.

20shadesofgreen Sat 05-Dec-20 09:15:25

I am not sure from what you have written but was your DD ignoring the TA by not saying good morning, or was she distracted. I would be very unimpressed if the TA’s immediate assumption is to leap to a negative assumption about your DDs motives for not greeting her, if in fact your DD had not noticed or was being distracted by something else. Your DD was only capable of being rude if she deliberately ignored the TA. There are definitely some red flags about the TAs own behaviour that would concern me.

House2020 Sat 05-Dec-20 09:21:01

Thank you AaronPurr, I know I am biased because it is my DD but she is usually very polite, a little shy sometimes. I'm not sure why she didn't answer. It has actually reminded me of when she was in year 3 and the teacher asked me to arrange a hearing test as she wasn't answering in class. I went to the GP got a referral to a Consultant Audiologist. After the consultation he explained that my DD has excellent hearing and that she had 'selective hearing', he explained that it is very common in children and I must admit she does seem to go into her own world sometimes. The Audiologist gave advice that before speaking to tap her to get her attention. I explained this at the time to the year 3 teacher who said we cannot touch the children but she agreed to knock on the table first. To be honest I have never heard anything more about it from the teacher or any subsequent teachers. At home I have got into a habit if tapping her before I speak, especially if it is important or if she doesn't answer me the first time.

OP’s posts: |
FlibbertyGiblets Sat 05-Dec-20 09:21:26

One person's shouting and yelling can be someone else's firm voice.

Getting to the bottom of what is going on is a good idea.

Superhumancrew Sat 05-Dec-20 09:26:35

I wouldn't be going into school over the examples you've given here. They've hardly been excessive, it's not making her life hell, or anything near. I think it's a good lesson that sometimes adults can be a bit unreasonable, and your dd needs to develop coping mechanisms to deal with it. If it esculates, or there were other incidents then maybe id rethink. There is a teacher at my dds school she doesn't get on with, who shouts unreasonable things, but at the end of the day that's kind of par for the course, in amongst all the others being lovely I think it's just something she has to learn to deal with.

Redlocks28 Sat 05-Dec-20 09:26:49

Yes I agree that it is rude not to reply. I was just trying to give example of the types of things the teacher says. It just appears that at every given opportunity this teacher is shouting at my DD. She has never been in any trouble for behaviour issues. It is as if the teaching assistant is looking to find fault

Is it the teacher or the teaching assistant doing this?

Is it a recent thing or has it been going on since September? Have you had a parents evening? Have you mentioned it before?

House2020 Sat 05-Dec-20 09:31:53

Thank you for giving me different perspectives. The last two teachers were NQTs, young, enthusiastic etc. They were so much fun and all the kids were sad to be leaving. This year feels a lot more formal, which I understand it part of being in year 6, and the the desks have to be in rows because of covid. I don't feel I particularly, need to talk to the school about it, as this feels more like a different style of teaching and it is different to what my DD is used to. I will just keep an eye on it and put it down to experience for my daughter as throughout life not everything is how we would like it to be.

OP’s posts: |
House2020 Sat 05-Dec-20 09:33:00

Redlocks28

*Yes I agree that it is rude not to reply. I was just trying to give example of the types of things the teacher says. It just appears that at every given opportunity this teacher is shouting at my DD. She has never been in any trouble for behaviour issues. It is as if the teaching assistant is looking to find fault*

Is it the teacher or the teaching assistant doing this?

Is it a recent thing or has it been going on since September? Have you had a parents evening? Have you mentioned it before?

sorry, it is the teaching assistant.

OP’s posts: |
pastandpresent Sat 05-Dec-20 09:43:59

If your examples are the typical cause for her to be told off, then I think it maybe your child is the problem, not TA, unless you can give us definitive case that TA is being unreasonably harsh.

Onacleardayyoucansee Sat 05-Dec-20 10:00:59

I don't like abrupt teachers either.
Children are little people, we don't need to talk to them like s***.

Some teachers are just pissy and should probably not be working with children as they clearly dislike them.

OTOH, there are some brilliant teachers, my child's life changed when he moved up a year from a strict teacher and TA.
I too have some great memories of certain teachers who really shone.

Tell DD, "gosh she sounds grumpy" . Use humour to lighten things.. while teaching her she can't put a foot wrong with this TA or she will start blowing fire!
Get DD to a place where she won't take it so personally.

House2020 Sat 05-Dec-20 10:02:32

pastandpresent

If your examples are the typical cause for her to be told off, then I think it maybe your child is the problem, not TA, unless you can give us definitive case that TA is being unreasonably harsh.

Thank you for your reply. I will have a chat with my DD. During last parents evening (a few weeks ago) the teacher said nothing negative about my DD behaviour, so I assume there are no issues. Upon reflecting, from reading all the responses I have received, I think my DD is finding it difficult settling in to a new school year after being off for so long, coupled with this particular style of teaching. There have been other things my daughter has said about this TA but I cannot remember them, because my DD has come home a several times it has bothered me a bit.

OP’s posts: |
Scabetty Sat 05-Dec-20 10:09:37

I work in primary and year 6s can have quite an attitude at times so the staff chosen tend to be experienced teachers/TAs. Perhaps speak to the class teacher to get perspective on what is happening in class between TA and your dd. Our last cohort got a petition to ‘sack’ the Spanish teacher because she insisted on working silently 🙄

DuckyMcDuck Sun 06-Dec-20 16:27:38

I have been a TA in Year 6 for many years and I am certainly having to be stricter this year than in the past.

A major focus in Year 6 is preparation for secondary school and the difference in behaviour expectations between primary and secondary. The more we focus on this, the easier children find the transition.

We've found this year, as most of the children missed the last third of Year 5, that they have taken longer to settle and remember what is expected of them in class and school in general.

HeyBaby2020 Mon 07-Dec-20 17:45:40

Well it is rude to not answer someone when they say good morning 🤷‍♀️

HeyBaby2020 Mon 07-Dec-20 17:49:13

20shadesofgreen

I am not sure from what you have written but was your DD ignoring the TA by not saying good morning, or was she distracted. I would be very unimpressed if the TA’s immediate assumption is to leap to a negative assumption about your DDs motives for not greeting her, if in fact your DD had not noticed or was being distracted by something else. Your DD was only capable of being rude if she deliberately ignored the TA. There are definitely some red flags about the TAs own behaviour that would concern me.

Get a grip

BluebellsGreenbells Mon 07-Dec-20 17:52:56

She may well be being rude. A lot of year 6’s get an attitude being the eldest in the school.

The TA has noticed and spoken to her and she doesn’t like it.

PresentingPercy Tue 08-Dec-20 12:29:51

OP: it’s perfectly fair and ok to notuce a change in your DD. It’s perfectly reasonable to question why this has happened. A generally well behaved and slightly shy child doesn’t take on the traits described by some posters. She may well be a bit confused and used to a different less rigid classroom in the past. It’s an adjustment that’s hard to make.

I’ve come across rather unfair teachers in the past. The problem is that their attitude is more about them then the DC who have not suddenly turned into unruly brats. I know this is a TA but the same principle applies.

I would speak to her teacher. The ethos of the classroom is down to the teacher. Not the TA. The TA works with the teacher and the teacher might not be aware your DD isn’t happy. It is best to follow it up. Leave out the “good morning” story but do say DD isn’t happy and you are concerned that the ethos and behaviour management in the classroom is causing anxiety and you want the teacher to know. You could also use the opportunity to get to the bottom of B x5. Never heard that one before.

Most schools expect DC to talk through their work with DC who are adjacent. It’s a very good way to reinforce learning. So I would find out about what is happening so you can support your DD with any changes.

(Ignore some of the accusatory posts above).

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