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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Why is it that children who are boisterous (maybe even future bullies) are often the ones who cry and won't let go of Mummy in the early days of school?

59 replies

DumbledoresGirl · 26/09/2007 21:58

Broad generalisation there I know, and I am not accusing your child of being a bully if they cried when they started school, but I have often noticed that the children who don't want to separate from their mother and cry a lot, go on to be, shall we say, less mindful of other people's feelings.

Why is that? I mean, from a psychological POV. I should know as I studied psychology as part of my teaching degree, but I just can't think what the reason would be.

OP posts:

Report

brimfull · 26/09/2007 22:00

insecurity maybe?

Lack of self confidence

brimfull · 26/09/2007 22:01

maybe they are boisterous because of crap diet

Rhubarb · 26/09/2007 22:03

OI! My ds is a real mummy's boy at 3.5 and still cries when I drop him off at nursery. He is not a bully at all though. He is affectionate and responsive to other people's feelings.

Perhaps those who are clingy to their mothers deal with their upset by lashing out at other children? They feel scared and lonely and frustrated and in their undeveloped minds, this is their way of coping.

brimfull · 26/09/2007 22:03

right still mulling this over

boisterous behaviour because they lack social skills needed to make friends,so resort to immature behaviour of toddler who is essentially selfish.

Rhubarb · 26/09/2007 22:05

Fright is all it is. What do people do when they feel cornered (what do men do?) they react aggressively. They feel threatened. They are away from their mothers in a strange place with strange people, being asked to share and do activities they might not want to do. I'm not surprised some react in this way.

Rhubarb · 26/09/2007 22:06

And of course you get the mothers who encourage their children to hit back. "If someone hits you darling, you hit them straight back!" so hitting is seen as ok, it's acceptable to them to hit if they feel threatened, because mummy said so.

BadHair · 26/09/2007 22:09

Bit off track but I was once told that boys who are scared of spiders have domineering mothers. Am a touch perturbed that ds1 (now 7) was once terrified of all things arachnid, and is now obsessed with catching and examining them at close quarters ... and he cried and clung to me for the entire first week of school.

JodieG1 · 26/09/2007 22:10

Maybe they're younger than some others starting. Some can be just 4 and others nearly 5 when they start and that makes a bi difference. My ds1 is 4 next month and nowhere near ready for school, if he had been born 2 months earlier he would have started school already and wouldn't have coped well imo.

He does 2 and a half hours at pre-school which he loves and has never cried for me to stay, most days he's off and playing before I even go hehe. It surprised me as he's very much a mummy's boy and loves cuddles and kisses all the time.

My dd never had any trouble starting school and has been happy there, she's quite confident in herself.

Yet to see what ds2 will be like.

BadHair · 26/09/2007 22:11

No he's not 7 at all, he's still 6. Not only am I apparently domineering but I'm also forgetful.

Twiglett · 26/09/2007 22:15

the most 'violent' children I know who are NT tend IME to be the product of parents who don't believe their child is ever at fault, always make excuses for them and don't set any boundaries ...

Rhubarb · 26/09/2007 22:16

I love you Twiglett!

Twiglett · 26/09/2007 22:16

why?

DumbledoresGirl · 26/09/2007 22:18

I have to admit, I am thinking of one child in particular at the moment (though I have noticed this phenomina a number of times) and the child I am thinking of is very socially confident (so no trouble making friends) and one of the oldest in his year, and has a healthy country upbringing so probably not on a crap diet. But the one thing that fits was said by Twiglett: he does seem to have a mother who can see no wrong in him.

OP posts:

Rhubarb · 26/09/2007 22:19

Because it's your birthday and you always look so twiggy!

DumbledoresGirl · 26/09/2007 22:20

I meant phenomenon didn't I? (A bit muddle headed this evening).

OP posts:

josben · 26/09/2007 22:20

DS1 has a classmate (age 7) who is the most boisterous, highly strung, burst in to tears at the drop of a hat child ever.
He is very physical and his mum has told me she has been called into school to discuss his fighting on a few occasions. But she still refers to him as 'her little lamb'

Twiglett · 26/09/2007 22:20

Rhubarb · 26/09/2007 22:21

DumbledoresGirl · 26/09/2007 22:22

Stop it you two!

OP posts:

haychee · 26/09/2007 22:23

I reakon they cry because they fear that they wont be able to get away with what hey are used to getting away with.

Yep, seen it here too.

edam · 26/09/2007 22:23

Never heard that spider theory before. Dh is scared of spiders and I don't think my MIL has ever been domineering! Ds is not scared at all and I'm quite, erm, bossy.

singersgirl · 26/09/2007 22:24

They are infant Krays - Ronnie and Reggie were always good to their mother.....

DS2 is incredibly callous, but very mummy-fixated.

Twiglett · 27/09/2007 08:22

my son loves me, I am rather domineering, he veers to the sensitive of others rather than callous .. what a dichotomy

bozza · 27/09/2007 08:29

"my son loves me" - hardly your most insightful observation twig. Of course he does. Mine loves me too. Any 6yo boy with a half decent mother loves her.

bozza · 27/09/2007 08:33

I think the mother not being able to see fault can be one not uncommon cause of bullying. I am trying to think of children who clung at the beginning and struggle to remember - although I have a feeling that next year when DD starts reception I may know one very close to home. But I can certainly see fault with her from time to time.

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