Are these boys just naughty or worse?(7 Posts)
A bit long, sorry...
Ds started reception a few weeks ago. He is a very large, loud, confident child although not very good at relationships with other children (too bossy).
He is only doing afternoons at the moment and last week dh arrived to drop him off at school early. To pass the time ds and dh were picking blackberries down a path beside the playground. There were 2 older boys (about 7) in the playground and ds asked if they wanted some and was giving them to them over the fence. One of them was laughing at ds and throwing them on the ground and stamping on them. Ds then kept giving them to one boy but refused to give them to the other (who I shall refer to as Thug - I know its not nice, but wait and see why). Thug was still laughing at ds and suggested that he climb the fence into the playground and go with them. Dh did not think that this sounded like a friendly invitation and took ds away. Dh said at the time Thug's invitation actually scared him (dh not prone to worry and we had never met this child before).
A week later and yesterday was the first day ds was in the big playground (reception have their own). Thug got him with another friend and dragged him to a quite cornner and would not let him go while they pretended to shave his head with a stone. Ds shouted for help but no one could hear him. He got away and they chased him and dragged him behind a kind of tent thing they have and did the same thing again until finally ds got away and ran inside. I should say to be fair that they did not actually hurt ds.
Ds told dh who told the school and the school are investigating it.
I must confess, I don't really know what to do. I have the feeling that Thug waited a week for ds and will wait for him again. The way they treated him seems to go beyond normal childish aggression and be more spiteful than that. Had they just pushed him a bit I'm not sure I would be worried, but it seems more than that to me.
The school know who Thug is and are apparently going to confront him about it today (and I'm sure he will deny anything happened). I worry that this may make things worse.
Am I right to be concerned and what should I do?
Completely right to be concerned.
I doubt Thug is targetting your ds in particular - the fact that Thug seems to have sidekicks (was the sidekick for the "shaving" incident the same one as for the blackberry incident?) suggests that this is more systemic. And actually I think his sidekicks possibly need some protection from him too.
Lots of people will suggest this - but ask for a copy of the school's bullying policy. It will make them take you seriously, and you can then see (and see if you agree with) the way the school plans to deal with things like this.
Thanks - there were 2 different sidekicks. Dh actually thought the first boy with the blackberries was OK and presumably not up for tormenting a 4 year old.
Will ask for the bullying policy, did not know that they all had one.
yes you're right to be concerned .. and you have done the right thing too involving the school
this sounds rather pre-meditated bullying .. but there is normally a reason behind bullying .. let the school sort it out, but ask for updates
also encourage DS to be open with the teachers, find out if there's a buddy system where older children look out for younger children
Thanks twiglett. Ds has only been there for 3 weeks - do you mean a reason connected with ds or the bullying child?
sorry I meant the bullying child really
few children, very few, are just naturally mean .. some bullying stems from other reasons .. not telling you to feel sorry for the bully here, just sometimes you don't have the full picture
but I would stay on top of the school
Thanks. Ds's teacher clearly knew the boy in question from which I infer that this was not a complete surprise to her.
I do not want to be over protective of my sonbut one of my first inclinations was to go in and see the head. I have no criticisms at all of what they have done so far but would like to know how they will ensure (so far as possible) that this does not happen again. I also want them to know that dh and I take this very seriously. Would that be going too far?
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