Are kids getting a fair start

(23 Posts)
Cookiecrumble8888 Sat 14-Mar-20 07:40:59

I've wrote on here recently to say my child's always at the back on tapestry and seems the same kids are always at the front etc. I'm aware from conversations with the teacher that my daughter's getting there slowly in most areas but she's bottom technically at everything compared to the other kids.I find it all a bit confusing because she got a merit for completing her f
Phase two phonics last week and I was really proud of her. at the parents evening this week the teacher said she's taking a long time to pick up her phonics but she obviously just wasn't ready and she still slowly getting there. Even though I know what the teacher was saying it was worded to make it sound as though the merit was not that great. I was kind of hoping that she was doing really well with her phonics and that's why she got a merit not because she's finally got there slowly after everyone else.

since she started school I've noticed that other kids seem to just be so much more confident and so much more brainier.I've been obviously questioning whether I did enough as a parent. I was a stay-at-home mum but she did her nursery and she went to play groups and stuff. I read with her at home and we played lots of games and she had lots of one-on-one time with me in the first three years. she's coming across at school like she is not really with it yet as much as the others. It just makes me feel like I've missed a trick somewhere and even though I'm really proud of her, I do worry that she's being treated as the one that just doesn't know what's going on around her, so they just leave her to it now.

I saw a Facebook post last night that one of our local preschools had given a particular friends son a Oxford tree reading book to take home. She said he had smashed it . This is one of the books out of the set that my daughter is currently reading in reception and she's had this book in the last few weeks. I thought to myself is this why she looks behind if other preschoolers were given these Oxford tree reading books last year, a year before they start school. it just feels like every child gets a different start now and they are all so unequal because of it. Is it a normal thing for a pre schools to be sending them home with reading books?

I'm not trying to find anyone to blame for the way my daughter is. It is how she obviously is at school but it's always hard to hear your child's not doing as well as the others, even though you can see she's doing really well in your eyes. I'm not sure if her teacher is naturally a bit negative and she tends to compare the children even though she shouldn't be doing. It's like she goes to no effort with us to shelter us from the fact other kids are doing so much better and I'm not sure why she has to point that out every time we talk.

I don't want to make the mistake with my youngest of not having him ready for school. He goes in 2.5 years. I just don't know where I've gone wrong.

Sorry if I sound bitter. I just want my child to at least be average and not always below average.

I'm also worried year one is going to be far to much for her. She will be expected to be more with it in september as it's year ones and twos in together. I wish I could help her.

OP’s posts: |
KellyHall Sat 14-Mar-20 07:46:27

I'd talk to the school and ask them how you can help.

Don't feel bad, you're a parent not a teacher and all any of us can do is what seems right at the time.

flatoutpanic Sat 14-Mar-20 07:55:17

What time of year is her birthday? That has a huge effect at this stage.

Please don’t worry - she has years of school ahead of her. Education is a marathon not a sprint. Some children just pick things up more quickly but you are doing all the right things to support her.

Cookiecrumble8888 Sat 14-Mar-20 08:08:40

Hi her birthday is February 23rd. So she's average for the year age wise.

The teacher just said reading and counting at home. At home she counts fine. I've just ordered her some basic reading books from eBay. I'll try and do more reading with her. I just hope she catches up abit soon. I don't think she realises what's expected of her for some reason. I just want to do all I can so she stands a chance next year. I feel like she might start getting into trouble next year and in worried for her.

OP’s posts: |
SoloMummy Sat 14-Mar-20 08:16:00

How old is your daughter? Is she summer born?

Practically, as a parent, I have been as hands on as I can be with my Los education. We do a lot of phonics at home. With their homework we sit down and complete together calmly with sufficient time. Do extra activities for my lo to grasp new or challenging concepts. Play games that reinforce learning. Daily reading etc.

In your situation I would do this and ask for your daughters current areas of focus.

With regards the merit. Her achievements need recognising whether she is first or last to get there. They celebrate that she has managed it. Your interpreting her award as meaning she must be flourishing at phonics I think is a parental misunderstanding. Awards aren't given solely because children are amazing at xyz. Some children will get awarded for being polite/having good manners or having a nice smile! You need to see these merits more as a recognition of a point in time and sometimes just that the teacher is aware that your daughter hasn't been awarded and should be and they need to find an area to award. Equality etc.

LondonGirl83 Sat 14-Mar-20 08:33:34

Virtually no children are able to read Oxford Tree books before starting school at 4 though a good pre-school will introduce phonics and decoding as well as number recognition and counting activities.

If your daughter is behind even though she is progressing I don't think its wrong the teacher is honest with you about that. Just ask how you can best support her at home in her learning. Children all progress at different rates so there is every chance she'll catch up to the others as she matures and with the right support.

As for your other child, if you don't think your daughter was prepared for reception adequately, I'd consider sending your son to a pre-school rather than a nursery. Given you are a SAHM, you can utilise the pre-schools attached to various primary schools.

You seem like you are really stewing and becoming a bit bitter trying to find fault everywhere. Try not to worry and just help her where she needs support.

Littleshortcake Sat 14-Mar-20 08:40:37

It is easy to get concerned but I wouldn't be yet. Just try and do some reading at home. Sight words every day. I bought some books for home too.


whiteroseredrose Sat 14-Mar-20 08:45:55

I wouldn't worry, just keep following the teacher's advice and do fun phonics games at home.

There is always a range of abilities in a classroom for reading and numeracy.

Poochnewbie Sat 14-Mar-20 08:50:01

In addition to what has already been it’s with looking at v your idea of an equal start. I’d say, no, children are not started at the same starting point (if this is what you class as equal) but students are given equal support in reaching their next development target.
A very able pre-school child may be given a reading book if this is what they need to move to the next step in their learning. Giving your daughter this may be off no benefit to her if she doesn’t have the skills to decode. It would be setting her up to fail and probably knock her confidence. Schools differentiate work to net the needs of individual children and help them reach their own potential.
As for the merit, I’m pleased she got one. Merits shouldn’t always be awarded to the children who achieved the best results. They should be awarded for attitude, effort and achievement at their own level.

It’s lovely that tour little one is making progress from her own starting point. The progress of others isn’t relevant. Keep working with your little one and supporting her and I’m sure she’ll get there.

Poochnewbie Sat 14-Mar-20 08:51:30

So many typing errors; I hope you can make sense of what I wrote. Sorry.

Aroundtheworldin80moves Sat 14-Mar-20 08:51:56

I had one daughter doing phonics, and starting decoding and writing at preschool, and one who finished reception on Pink level books. The elder DD, (the struggling reader) was not just ready to read. She still mixes her bs and D's, and her ps and GS, and she in The 4. But... Her rate of progress puts her at finishing Primary school at the expected level. The younger DD, with more 'ability', needs a good push as she has a tendency to coast.

She's very young still. Just support her at home, read to her lots, and encourage her.

Crazycrazylady Sat 14-Mar-20 08:53:17

I do think you are over thinking this . Children develop differently. It may be that your daughters may turn out not to be academic or she may fly in next year as she gets a little older. You seem like you are looking around for someone to blame for you the fact that she's not finding it as easy as some others ie her teacher , her nursery, other nursery's for over preparing , yourself . I can almost promise you that none of these things make a material difference at this age as they cover the work in school as if no one has seen it before.

Littleshortcake Sat 14-Mar-20 08:55:05

Just keep in mind there will be a range of ability in school (as there is in adulthood) but the ones who work and have a good attitude do well (It's not all about academics). Also the schools have very good interventions if needed.

IceColdCat Sat 14-Mar-20 09:01:00

Remember the people who post on Facebook that their pre schooler is a fluent reader are in the minority. Most pre schoolers aren't like that - but their parents are less likely to post. One of my DC was reading well before he started school, another couldn't read at all when she went into reception, they're now 12 and 14 and both are doing well academically. Please don't panic or feel disappointed in your DD or yourself. It's great to read lots with your DC but try not to stress about it.

SavoyCabbage Sat 14-Mar-20 09:02:06

I read your other thread too and I think you are over concerned. I really advise you to stop comparing her to other children all, it's never going to do you any good.

My dd was always at the back of stuff. I particularly noticed in after school clubs she was always at the end of the line. It was a confidence thing but also she thought it,was kind. As she got older she realised that she could do things that others couldn't , throw a discus or walk the beam, and her confidence grew.

Interestingly my dd2 started school full of confidence. She was one of those chosen children right from the start. She was class rep after a week and Mary in the nativity. '^Miss asked me what I wanted to be so I said Mary'^. She could be relied on I think is why.

What I realised was that dd1 was perfectly happy in her position as a follower. She was at the back because that's where she wanted to be. You can't make them have a different personality

What you can do is support the school. Listen to her read. Talk positively about her achievements. Let he know she's important. Get some books from Mighty Girl. Enrol,her in something out of school so she's got 'something else' in her life,

As an aside, I'm a primary school teacher and ORT is largely considered somewhat out of date so don't worry about that.

Mainly you need to stop measuring her against mother children and certainly against what people are saying on social media.

Beechview Sat 14-Mar-20 09:04:02

Don’t worry yet.
Many kids can’t read in reception and come on loads throughout the first few years and do really well.
My ds was similar and I felt a bit like you so I wanted to help him catch up but not put him off either.
Thankfully, the school never made me feel ds was underachieving!
We always used the holidays to do extra reading and some maths workbooks (about 20 mins a day if we were in) and he came along really well.
You seem to be doing all the right things and she is progressing so just carry on.

fascinated Sat 14-Mar-20 09:06:08

The fact that you care is a major advantage for her. Keep going. Encourage her questions. Look up the answers to things together, in books, on the internet (teaching that finding a reputable source is important — not just the first hit or 2). Explain to her why. Always why. If you don’t know — be honest, but then say ‚but we can find out‘. Teach her that life isn’t simple, but learning helps us navigate life. That will stand you in good stead. Good luck. You sound fab.

fascinated Sat 14-Mar-20 09:08:22

(I appreciate she is a bit young for research — was just my advice for the future. Although you can start with the explanations now!)

AliMonkey Sat 14-Mar-20 09:21:34

They develop at different rates and times. Reading books is one of the best things you can do with them - first reading to them, maybe asking them questions about the pictures, then over time they start to read the odd bit and gradually they do more. Though even when they can read quite well it’s good for you to read to them sometimes. Rhyming books always caught my DC’s imagination. Go to the library often to get books out - it’s free, there’s a huge range of books and they get to read lots of different ones - though we still went back to the old favourites like Julia Donaldson frequently. As they start to read, get them reading signs, packets etc.

Neither of my DC could read before they started school other than recognising their own (short) names. One got there quite quickly, one took longer yet we treated them the same. By Y3 it was clear that they were both very able and both finished primary at or near top of the class. Yours may or may not but certainly at this stage I would only worry if they were not making progress or were not wanting to learn and yours clearly is.

PenguinOrHippo Sat 14-Mar-20 09:57:22

Please don’t worry and please don’t start to do a huge amount of extra work that makes your DD feel bad or resent school. Children develop at different rates. Do your reading every night and talk about the books.

The one thing that made the most difference for us was talking about things like, “why do you think that happened?” “Why do you think red riding hood didn’t see it was a wolf?. Do you think she needed glasses? Or was she distracted /silly?” “Why do you think the boy was sad? What in the text make you think that?” Starting to think about things like that early and be confident in having an opinion matters hugely later on at 11+.

And if your DD really likes what she does, she will have a much easier time later.

EugenesAxe Sat 14-Mar-20 10:20:05

They will be doing many things for her if she’s behind, so don’t worry about that. Children do progress at different rates and will often suddenly start to pick up.

The best thing you can do, I’d say, is hear her read daily. Just 2-3 pages if it’s a chore. My children loved listening to Jolly Phonics in the car ( the Jolly Songs) too.

Early on with reading there’s a ball ache period when the reader feels as though they have to decode every word. Get her through that and she will hopefully be happier to practise it daily. Encourage her to look at the pictures to help her work out the likely word. Give her time to think and don’t correct basic mistakes immediately- it’s really common for children to carry on, realise it doesn’t sound right, and go back with the correct word.

You read picture books to her too, as this will help comprehension and expression. In both reading scenarios ask simple Qs like e.g. what do you think will happen next? Why do you think that happened? Do you know what [word] means? What kind of person talks that way - a good or bad character? How do you think they’re feeling? Children find comprehension exercises surprisingly difficult!

For maths I’d use everyday life activities - lay the table (‘lots of’ knives and forks), tell the time, cook (number, weight, estimation) etc.

cabbageking Sat 14-Mar-20 21:25:28

The Oxford book levels should not be used as a comparative guide to a childs reading ability

There is no similarity in levels between schools at all .

BackforGood Sat 14-Mar-20 22:16:47

The way you are using 'average', I'm reading as 'about 1/2 way in the class'. The very fact of that means that, by any measure (who recognises the most words or counts the highest or spells the most words or runs the fastest or is the kindest or the most empathetic or the quickest at getting dressed or the quickest to understand a riddle) half the children will always be "below average" as, however 'able' or 'struggling' the class is, there will always be a half way mark.

At this age, is really doesn't matter - children will peak and level out and even have troughs. The fact your dc have a Mum that cares will stand them in good stead.
We can all give you examples if it will help you I'm sure. My ds never sat long enough to want to write until he was about 8 or 9, but took English A Levels (and History and RS, which also have loads of writing in them). Everyone else will have similar tales.

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