Teacher upset my 4 year old daughter

(120 Posts)
Buttonmoon99 Tue 10-Dec-19 22:45:54


It was my 4 year old twin girls nativity today.

At one point during their brief speaking part one of them started pulling the head part of their costume over her face. This caused laughter from the parents (in a nice way). Anyway it carried on and because myself and husband were sat a few rows back we couldn't see everything but when I could see her again she was welling up and didn't have the head part of her costume anymore.

It turns out her teacher took it away from her which we believe caused her to get upset. A few parents said they though this was harsh and we do too. At the end of the day she's 4, she obviously became uncomfortable and wanted to 'hide' and rather then taking the costume away and upsetting her she just needed done words of encouragement.

This isn't the first time I've witnessed something like this from this teacher.

I'm thinking of saying something to the teacher tomorrow and wondered what your thoughts were?

I could understand if she was older but she's 4 years old stood in front of lots of strange faces visibly very upset and trying her hardest to hold the tears in

OP’s posts: |
MrsBricks Tue 10-Dec-19 22:48:44

Non-issue! She was fiddling with her costume, it was causing a bit of disruption, teacher took it away.

If you start complaining about petty stuff like this now, what will you do when you have a real problem?

Cyberworrier Tue 10-Dec-19 22:50:34

So she got upset because the scarf was taken away, because she was playing with it? I really don’t think this is an issue that you should bring up with the teacher. I don't see what the teacher was meant to do- leave your child amusing parents by playing peekaboo with a scarf? Of course I am assuming the teacher was firm but fair with your child, but that’s a reasonable assumption to make based on my experience working in schools 🤷‍♀️

Bigearringsbigsmile Tue 10-Dec-19 22:54:34

So should the teacher have let her carry on causing the parents to be distracted from the other children's performances?
She was arising about with the headdress, so it was taken away. Completely reasonable.

MrsJ28903 Tue 10-Dec-19 22:56:57

You are being unreasonable. The teacher removed the thing your child was causing a distraction with. I’m a teacher and would have done the same.....

Peoplearemiserable Tue 10-Dec-19 22:57:43

You are being really precious.

Spinderellacutituponetime Tue 10-Dec-19 22:58:32

Think you really need to let this go.


frasersmummy Tue 10-Dec-19 22:59:04

Honestly as your dd progresses through the school you will have much bigger battles to fight.. Pick your battles

Muchtoomuchtodo Tue 10-Dec-19 23:00:42

Leave it.

Dd was messing it’s her costume. Teacher took it away to prevent further distraction.

Non event.

Spacebowlisback Tue 10-Dec-19 23:01:00

My daughter totally distracted the audience singing once. She was so loud! They told her to be quiet and she got in a grump. Completely the right course of action. I’d have done the same as a teacher. It’s not fair on the other kids who are actually performing at that point.

LooksLikeImStuckHere Tue 10-Dec-19 23:05:58

I’d have done the same as the teacher.

SpruceTree Tue 10-Dec-19 23:06:02

Cotton wool! Get your cotton wool here...
Helicopters available too...

cushioncovers Tue 10-Dec-19 23:07:34

Pick your battles op. This isn't one of them.

MrsTumbletap Tue 10-Dec-19 23:07:40

I would have done the same.

She was faffing about with something, teacher removed distraction.

Please don't be that parent.

Mookie81 Tue 10-Dec-19 23:09:54

Apples and trees...fhmm.
She was misbehaving and was dealt with appropriately. Get over your damn self.

oncemorewithfeeling99 Tue 10-Dec-19 23:14:06

Whatever the intention, upsetting a 4year old doing those nativity is not a good result. I say this as an ex reception teacher. I would hope it was just a poor choice. We all make them and reflect. We can’t always predict exactly what might be very upsetting to a 4yr old. However if this is repeated behaviour then you should raise. Sadly there is a small but significant minority of school staff who are emotionally abusive. It’s horrible to see colleagues like this and I do hope it isn’t the case. Give your girl a big hug. Remind her how proud you are. Tell the story of how wonder and awesome they are. Try to rewrite the narrative so this doesn’t become a traumatic moment. Then watch the way the teacher is emotionally towards the children. Kind teachers will make mistakes still but respond with empathy and try to sort it out when they see they’ve upset a child (just like with any other person!).

HotPenguin Tue 10-Dec-19 23:14:25

Well I am going to go against the grain and say I can understand OP why you are upset. This was her first experience on stage and it should have been a positive one, obviously she found it upsetting. But you didn't actually see what the teacher did so you don't know if it was done kindly or crossly. For that reason I don't think you are really in a position to complain.

CurlyhairedAssassin Tue 10-Dec-19 23:17:38

You mention that it was during their speaking part. Teacher was probably concerned a) no-one could heat her and b) when it carried on that she would have trouble breathing/get too hot with it over her face. How was she supposed to know that it was because your DD wanted to “hide”? She might also have assumed that it was slipping loose so removed it for her.

CrotchetyQuaver Tue 10-Dec-19 23:19:07

You're being ridiculous. You should be backing up the teacher rather than wanting to complain about what she did. Your daughter was mucking about in the middle of a performance they've probably been working on for a while. The teacher acted appropriately to ensure the whole performance was not derailed by your daughters poor behaviour and to stop it turning into a chaotic free for all. Most 4 year olds are perfectly capable of holding it together and behaving themselves without spoiling it for everyone else, perhaps you should direct your efforts into making sure your girls can too.

marchingonwithmother Tue 10-Dec-19 23:19:32

Try shepherding 30 4 year olds yourself. The parents laughing away were taking away from the play that the rest of them had practiced. Teacher was just doing what she needed to do

elenacampana Tue 10-Dec-19 23:20:06

I’m a teacher, I’d have done the same. By saying ‘obviously’, it’s clear you have made an assumption and you could easily be wrong. As everyone else has said; you are being unreasonable and pick your battles.

Also - teaching these days is an almost impossible job so I really would think twice before going to this teacher with such a petty problem when they have no doubt got far more significant and pressing things on their mind.

Lipperfromchipper Tue 10-Dec-19 23:22:05

OP you really cannot be so precious about those kind of things. Don’t be THAT parent!!

JaniceBattersby Tue 10-Dec-19 23:22:57

Christ. You’d better strap yourself in OP, if you’re going to go into school for this level of pettiness. You’ll be up there every day for the next 12 years.

ParsleyPot Tue 10-Dec-19 23:23:35

No wonder teachers are leaving the profession if this is the sort of tripe people complain about.

Goldwispa Tue 10-Dec-19 23:25:20

Let it go

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