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mums with boys aged around 9 - please advise!!

(26 Posts)
toomuchtodo Thu 16-Aug-07 11:17:10

my ds1 went back to school today and he was almost in tears at going back, he seemed very anxious and worried, he looked very lost in the line up

he knows all his classmates and seems to fit in well, is this just first day back nerves?

any advice welcome!

toomuchtodo Thu 16-Aug-07 11:26:21


saltire Thu 16-Aug-07 11:41:58

Possibly just nerves. I get this every single day from DS1, he's 9.

toomuchtodo Thu 16-Aug-07 11:53:51

thanks for replying saltire

ds1 is quite nervy and anxious, he usually hides it well but this morning he was struggling to keep from crying

I'm sat here worrying about him now!

hate this feeling, just want to cuddle him up and his wee brother!

ahundredtimes Thu 16-Aug-07 11:54:50

Rings a bell here with my ds1 also 9.

I think it's a funny age. I get a lot of attitude and muttering and then suddenly he's about 5 y-o and looking vulnerable.

He'll be fine, and back in the swing of it by now probably.

saltire Thu 16-Aug-07 11:54:55

DS1 is very nervy and anxious as well, all his teachers have commented on it.
I'm sure if there is anything wrong (i.e him being ill) the school would let you know

ahundredtimes Thu 16-Aug-07 11:58:23

I think something goes on with 9 y-o boys. They have to have a lot of front somehow, and probably on the first day back they haven't quite summoned up enough front.

I've got a sinking feeling now. I used to HATE going back to school. I am buying new pencil cases to ease the way for ds1 and ds2.

MyTwopenceworth Thu 16-Aug-07 11:58:41

It takes them a while to settle in, try not to worry. Don't pick him up and launch right into the 'how was your day what happened' stuff right away, just be there with the cuddles.

Do something else for a bit and come back to it after tea and try to engage him about his day - without firing questions at him. Get him to think of some positive things that have happened - praise from a teacher, a nice game with a friend, getting a question right, etc. get him to see some good things.

Don't ask leading questions, or ones that invite a yes or no answer.

toomuchtodo Thu 16-Aug-07 12:12:16

thanks all reassuring advice!

the front thing is very true, sometimes he's a big grown up boy then at times he's like a little kid

I won't launch into how was your day, I'll try to keep it cool!

your kids just break your heart sometimes don't they

toomuchtodo Thu 16-Aug-07 12:15:08

100times, I also hated going back to school, and I think my seeing him upset brings it all back its a horrible sinking feeling as you say

KerryMumbledore Thu 16-Aug-07 12:17:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ahundredtimes Thu 16-Aug-07 12:22:32

Too true Kerry. They get a bit nasty I think at this stage, is the beginning of peer group stuff. Girls probably get it earlier, but in a more subtle way.

DS1 is definitely falling in the uncool pecked order. He has set out a very tricky path for himself actually. I just hope this marked individuality comes good at 16 or 43 or something.

KerryMumbledore Thu 16-Aug-07 13:16:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toomuchtodo Thu 16-Aug-07 20:18:29

kerry yes that does make a lot of sense

its so interesting having other mums perspectus on this, most of my friends have girls and don't understand what I'm on about!!

feel a bit better, have spent all of today feeling sick to the pit of my stomach and haven't eaten a thing (will do me no harm!!)

think I just really missed the boys being back at school today, haven't a job or family around to fall back on and its so hard sometimes to feel alone

LIZS Thu 16-Aug-07 20:23:13

ds is like that with anything new or different . Left him at a school activity session last week , blinking tears away. His year has been rearranged in different class groups for next term, he said he was fine with it, although there are some he doesn't really get along with and are more outgoing, but we'll see....

scarymamma Thu 16-Aug-07 20:32:56

So... how was ds when you picked him up? Had the morning's anxieties disappeared? (With mine, he get's upset about something before it happens, when he's there he has a great time and forgets his worries whilst I sit at home fretting!) Let us know how he does tomorrow am!

KerryMumbledore Thu 16-Aug-07 22:51:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toomuchtodo Fri 17-Aug-07 07:45:41

thats it, its so different when the youngest starts school, I feel a bit redundant!

ds1 was fine when I picked him up yesterday, we had a chat later and he said he just really missed me when he was at school, I know this is natural in a lot of kids, but it totally breaks my heart! he said he wishes I was a teachers assistant at his school, I wish I was too but those jobs are like gold dust!

now ds2 is saying this morning he doesn't want to go to school today, trying to be strong but feel like breaking down and hugging them both and keeping them here all day, but of course I won't!!

don't know whats wrong with me just now, I just feel so insecure and anxious, I'm trying not to pass it onto the boys. Feel like I want them to be babies again so I can look after them all day, but when they were babies I couldn't wait for them to go to school to get some peace!!

need to move onto the next stage and get a job, but with no help nearby and earning minimum wage I don't know how I'd ever pay for 2 lots of childcare

<sigh> no one said being a mum would feel like this, so mixed up now

KerryMumbledore Fri 17-Aug-07 11:55:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toomuchtodo Fri 17-Aug-07 21:58:48

I'm nearly 41, maybe we're having an (almost) mid life crisis!

toomuchtodo Fri 17-Aug-07 22:03:46

I think also what makes it hard is hearing all, well a lot, of the other mums at the school gates talking about their jobs/college courses/etc that they have started now their kids are all at school and feeling that I'm left behind in the wilderness. When I ask how they are managing to do these things the reply is ALWAYS oh mums/MIL/sister is picking the kids up from school/having them when I work during the holidays. My mum is 80 and I look after her now so its just me and her, no other family for 350 miles. I'm just so jealous of anyone with help its a bit irrational.

hippipotami Sun 19-Aug-07 11:54:20

Just found this toomuchtodo, I hope your ds's settle into the school routine again soon.

I know what you mean about 'feeling left behind'

I am the same. My youngest starts school in two weeks time and will go full time pretty much straight away. Whilst I am happy for her because she is SO ready for it, I am worried for me (selfish I know)

A lot of the other mums either have found jobs (have family to look after dc after school etc) or have booked college course, gym memberships etc.
I have no family nearby, and dh works erratic hours, so any job not in school hours is no good for me. We have no money spare to send me on a college cours (would love to do a degree in psychology) or for gym membership.

However, do what I am planning to do: volunteer to help one or two mornings per week at your dc's school. That way they will see you there occasionally, and you get to do something worthwhile. At my dc's school, TA jobs get given to those who have been volunteers, so it is a good way to get your foot in the door too!!

crayon Sun 19-Aug-07 14:22:13

I agree with hippipotami - you may be able to go into school to help out without being a TA. Then, in a Teaching Assistant post came up, you would probably be well placed to be offered it.

My youngest isn't yet one, but I am still dreading this time in 3 years when he trots off to school to join his brothers and will be pretty much the youngest in the class . Plus, I'm not looking to forward to DS1 going back in 2 weeks - I barely seem to see him during the school week.

Time to buy a puppy then I think .

toomuchtodo Tue 21-Aug-07 12:06:29

hi just to catch up!

ds1 now seems to be settled in, but ds2 now crying every morning and getting very upset at the thought of school, has to be dragged off me each morning

this is breaking my heart, but thank God I don't have a job to go to and I can be there for them before and after school and for home lunch if they want.

I really hope he settles soon, its heart wrenching

MrsScavo Tue 21-Aug-07 12:11:58

You have my deepst sympathies!

DS1, wiil be going into Y4 in a new school in Sept', and I'm already getting nervous. Last year there was a lot of dragging in, and crying (on both parts). Im prying, he will be happier in this new, much smaller school.

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