Not a happy start to the school year

[decisionsinsandouts]

I picked my 10 year old up from her first day at school she was stony-faced and tearful. She said he had been told off for talking and she hated her teacher. There was a bit more to it than that but I am trying to be brief.
Previous first days have been happy and she has come back enthusiastic and excited. We had a talk about it being the first day and her being understandably a bit anxious and excited and how maybe the teacher was nervous too. We talked about people being different and the need to work out ways of managing interactions with all sorts of different people. I also talked about hate being a strong word to use. I did give her reassurance and we chatted about how difficult it is for a teacher to teach if a child is chatting.
She has previously had this teacher as in reception when the children moved from class to class although she was not his class teacher.
My child is talkative and is no an angel but she makes an effort to behave and is sensitive to reprimands. She might come across to some as being confident because of this. When she is nervous she talks a lot.
Before the first day of school, she started making a poster welcoming the teacher which she did not complete. I suspect she did this because interactions had not been great in the past. She also asked if she could take a small soft object to keep in her pocket in case she got nervous.
Day 3 (yesterday) she burst into tears at bedtime and told me she had been sent to the next-door class for a short time because she had said "Yes" when she had found a glue lid during a quiet lesson. I asked her if she had been chatting before that and she said she had.

I realize it is early days and that I am only hearing my child's version of what happened. What do others think? Do I leave it and see how next week goes which is what I was planning to do? And if things are tricky next week what do others particularly teachers advise?

[Saucery]

She really needs to not talk when she has been asked to be quiet. Can you imagine how irritating a child saying “Yes!” at finding a glue stick lid in the middle of quiet time is when you’re trying to teach a class.

[Rockbird]

I would leave it and see how it goes. It's early to make judgements although I understand how horrible it is when your child isn't happy to go to school. I have one too! Presumably she's going into year 6? That's a bit different and a bit stricter than previous years IME.

[PancakeAndKeith]

Don’t forget that the teacher will be laying the law down at the moment. It is often said ‘don’t smile until Christmas’.

[terriblemum1]

Had similar with my dd
During art when he had finished his set art.
He started to draw his own picture the CB teacher came along and made him rub it out and was quite cross with him.
Dh was taken ds side telling him teacher was being mean but I told him you go to school you have to listen to the teacher if you have completed set task put your hand up ask if you can draw.
I am trying to teach him that in a class of 30 everyone can't just do what they want.
They have to follow the teacher's instructions.
My ds was annoyed at me saying of course you would take teachers side.

[Bluntness100]

He pretty much has to enforce the no chat rule because chatting is distracting for the other pupils and everyone did it nothing would be learned, and it gets more important as they get older, that fhey are not a distraction or a disruptive presence in the class.

She's repeatedly being told off for the same thing, she knows she's not to talk, she gets told off when she does, and she's doing it again and again.

You need to make her understand that if the teacher says it's no chatting at a particular time she needs to respect that and do as told, if you can't make her understand that snd obey, the teacher has little chance of doing so, and there is trouble ahead.

[Bluntness100]

Sorry I've just realised she's ten, I missed that, I thought she was six. At ten she knows op and is wilfully disobeying the teacher. I think you need to have a strong word with her.

[user1483387154]

she needs to stop talking at inappropriate times in class.

[crisscrosscranky]

In my experience year 6 (presuming she is a year 6?) was a steep learning curve for my DD. The teachers were very strict for first 6 weeks or so and there was a big push on taking responsibility for your own actions.

[MsTSwift]

Umm tell her to stop talking in class? At my dds secondary she would be in detention for that so he’s doing her a favour

[thisisthetime]

I’m a teacher and wouldn’t send a child out lightly although in the first week it’s possible she used this as an example of what would happen to make sure that the class knows that she means what she says.

Tbh if your dd is talking during quiet lessons and admitted that she was talking beforehand as well then she needs to learn to follow instructions. If one or 2 dc are talking then it’s not fair on everyone else trying to concentrate and others will of course follow suit.

I would give it a week or 2 and make sure your dd is following instructions and maybe come up with some strategies to help her. If she still feels that she hates her teacher then make an appointment to discuss the situation but I would imagine if she works well and stops chatting in lessons then there will be no problem. The teacher will get to know her personality in the next few weeks too which will help. If she sees she is not a deliberate trouble maker she is unlikely to be sent out again. If it keeps happening you need to hear the teachers side of the story as well.

[Teachermaths]

She definitely needs to stop talking. If she was in my year 7 class she'd have a detention by now. She's old enough to understand when to be quiet.

Her behaviour sounds incredibly annoying in a class of 30.

[lazylinguist]

If the reprimands bother her that much, why doesn't she stop talking? She's 10, not far off secondary age, she needs to learn to behave. Tbh the way you describe addressing it with her sounds like you are babying her a bit and trying to make her feel better by almost implying it's 50/50 the teacher's fault and her fault. Why would the teacher be nervous?! Your dd is being talkative and the teacher is responding to that in an appropriate way.

[Bluntness100]

Tbh the way you describe addressing it with her sounds like you are babying her a bit and trying to make her feel better by almost implying it's 50/50 the teacher's fault and her fault

This. This is what led me to misread and think she was a six year old, the conversation is one I would expect to be taken with a very young child not a ten year old. As the poster said, why would the teacher be nervous, rhe teacher was doing their job, enforcing discipline, and if your daughter was sensitive to reprimand one would assume she would not make the same mistake twice.

I really think you need to be very clear with her here. She need to do as she is told. The teacher wasn't nervous fhey we're doing their job and she was in the wrong. Tell her to apologise to the teacher and not do it again and if she does then there will also be repurcusssions at home for her,

[youarenotkiddingme]

In all seriousness (and it's hard when you see your children upset) - you tell her she needs to find a way to keep her trap shut or this will keep happening.

She found a glue lid? So said yes? Does that honestly sound like a child focussing on the task in hand?

Sometimes there is personality clashes between students and teachers. Sometimes that means a student annoys a teacher doing things another teacher may not react to. But because she is actually behaving inappropriately she's going to have to work harder to prove to the teacher she can work quietly.

[decisionsinsandouts]

Thank you. Yes, it is hard to see your child upset and especially when I know her chattiness would be related to being nervous. However, I appreciate the fact that talking in class at inappropriate times is not going to do her any favours and interrupts learning time for all. As someone said the teacher doesn't know her well yet.
Frankly, my response was tainted by the reputation the teacher has with the parents of children from her previous classes. Showing respect to a teacher and being quiet when asked to as essential elements of learning.

[Benjispruce]

I agree with others that this period is setting the tone for the year. I’m a TA and we are very much in that stage of nipping every little misdemeanour in the bud. If she does as she’s asked there won’t be an issue .

[Teachermaths]

I bet the teacher has a reputation for being strict. In year 6 that's necessary for Secondary preparation and to ensure that all students are learning.

[crisscrosscranky]

@decisionsinsandouts respecting your teacher and being quiet (when required) are essential elements of an effective learning environment. How else is the teacher supposed to teach 30 kids all of different abilities?

Your DD's behaviour was disrupting other children's learning and she was sanctioned for it- there's no need to overthink it.

[fedup21]

If everyone did what your daughter is doing, nobody would learn a thing.

If she doesn’t like being told off, she needs to stop talking.

[viques]

You told your ten year old that the reason her teacher was cross when she talked was that the experienced teacher was nervous.O.M.G.

Forget little soft animals to put in her pocket, you need to be telling her a few home truths about exactly why she is going to school and what your expectations of her behaviour are.

[TheHumanSatsuma]

I concur with everything that has been said, she knew it was quiet time, it wasn’t just saying ‘yes’, she admits she was talking.
She is in year 6 and needs to do what she has been asked. Your comment about the teacher being nervous was undermining, too.

[QueenofLouisiana]

I’m a yr6 teacher, I’m generally pretty smiley and I laugh a lot with my class-yes, really! But I don’t have much sympathy for children (assuming neuro-typical) who have been asked repeatedly to stop doing something then crying when they have been told to leave the room/ catch up on work at the start of playtime/ moved away from friends.

Most teachers like children, most of us like them more than adults! We don’t go out of our way to upset them, but the rest of the class have the right to learn without interruption just because someone’s found a lid/ seen a bird/ had an idea about playtime. Ultimately, we are there to teach and to keep children safe- not be their mate.

[nonicknameseemsavailable]

well my year 6 daughter would already be moaning about a child like yours if they are talking when they shouldn't be as she wants to learn! I am sorry but at 10 she is old enough to know that she should be sat quietly and if she has already been told off for talking then she is on very thin ice to keep doing it.

All children react differenly I understand that but I would feel perhaps the "she talks when she is nervous" is a bit of an excuse to be honest. Obviously some children have conditions which might cause them to be unable to control their behaviour but at 10 I think she needs to get this under control. She can't talk during SATs tests for example.

[HeadintheiClouds]

Tell her to stop chatting when she knows full well she’s not supposed to be
Seriously, telling her “the teacher is probably nervous too” (wtf!) is suggesting that her behaviour is fine, but the teacher is reacting inappropriately.
I wonder why she still chooses to chat when a telling off reduces her to tears, at 10?

[Bluntness100]

Op, are you trying to say when she's nervous she chats and is unable to control herself? Because if she has additional needs then this needs to be raised with the school, as she shouldn't be punished for what is some form of disorder or disability. She may need some cbt or something similar to help her manage her nerves.

If you're simply trying to give her a pass and excuse her behaviour then I do think you need to take a step back, as you're doing her no favours, you need to stop justifying it snd be very clear with her the expectations on her. By justifying her behaviour and babying her, partially blaming the teacher you just prolong and escalate the situation.