DD anxious about nursery to reception leap

[HelloMist]

My 4.5 year old DD seems unsettled and anxious in the last few weeks of nursery before the holidays and move up to Reception at primary school. I know some degree of anxiety/wobbles must be normal but it seems quite unlike her and I'm not sure how difficult she might be actually starting school. I suppose I just want some reassurance and/or any tips on how to help her. I was a bit anxious about school but excited too, so may have been guilty of mentioning children in the class, uniform etc a bit too much! She is my first and only child so it's all new to us.

Sorry this is long, thank you if you get to the end!

Background: she has attended the same nursery for about 2 years. She was fine when she first went there and settled in quite quickly. No tears.

She knows several children from her nursery who are starting the same school. She's had a home visit from her new teachers and 2 mornings at school (1 without me). They went reasonably well, only a little hesitancy on the way in and some exhausted crying after the morning alone. They said she was fine once there. Since the lead-up to those sessions, she's been extra clingy with DH when they have to part (it's me doing drop-offs though) and gets very upset before leaving the house for nursery. She has started saying she doesn't feel well or uses needing the toilet multiple times as a delaying tactic. She did have 2 brief tummy bugs a few weeks ago but as far as we know is well again now. Once she gets to nursery she has a good time and seems fine at pick-up. But we've been in late by 3 hours once for a full day and half an hour to an hour for morning sessions. I'm just worried this will continue when I try to take her to school!

Bedtimes are also extra difficult at the moment. She cries and delays just as we're trying to close the door (after toilet, bath, books, chatting). Lately has wanted one of us to stay outside the closed door/with her/upstairs, but falls asleep quite quickly as long as we do. I think we had one phase like this in January but apart from that it's unlike her. I think anxiety has affected her a little bit with the toilet (she seemed constipated and her patterns have changed; she isn't fully independent so needs us for this. Also she's had wee accidents recently) but DH and I do start to run out of patience when saying she needs to go again seems like an excuse to not leave the house or go to bed.

I'm really hoping the summer holiday with me (I'm a SAHM) will help her to relax and enjoy some quality time with me. It is the last day at nursery next week, so would not be so bad if it's temporary, but what if it continues over the summer and/or in September?

I'd appreciate any thoughts or insight into whether you are dealing with similar, thank you.

[HennyPennyHorror]

Lots of children this age experience a bit of anxiety at change. Is it being built up too much? Talked about a lot? If so, I'd stop.

Once a child's been told of a forthcoming change, leave it at that. They're very 'in the moment' and too much pre-discussion can make them worry.

Re constipation...is she drinking enough?

[HelloMist]

Thank you for replying Henny, I have tried to stop talking about it as much as I was. I think I mentioned it quite a lot because I generally talk to her about what we are planning, what's coming up. But I suppose we only need to talk about what is tomorrow or next week.

She may not be, I will try to get her to drink a bit more. I have tried to in the hot weather but perhaps not consistently enough. I offered her a few foods that might help when she initially had the problem. (Orange juice, cooked apple, apricots and prunes).

[HennyPennyHorror]

Yes make sure she's hydrated and completely stop talking about school. When it's a week before, mention it in an offhanded way...then not at all until the day of it happening.

No point. They can't fathom time as we can.

[LoveWine123]

Last year I was in your shoes and in hindsight I made the mistake of talking too much about the upcoming change. I realized that other than my son building up anxiety about starting school, there wasn't any other benefit. I was trying to prepare him for it, but all this talk about change made my son really anxious and worried. His first day in school was a disaster, he cried and they literally had to extract him from my arms and close the door behind him as he wouldn't separate from me. It was a horrible, horrible feeling to hear your child screaming for you on the other side of the door. The good news is that this was the only time he behaved like this - as the day progressed he realized that it wasn't as scary as he had built it up in his head and school was actually fun. He did settle very quickly and enjoys going to school very much. He had a great first year and is now looking forward to the next one.

I don't know if that's helpful to you in any way, but I wanted to share our experience. If you can, arrange some play dates with the children you know will be going to the same school. And enjoy the summer as much as you can without overthinking this - I can promise you, she will enjoy school and will settle in well. If you worry about it, she will pick this up and worry too so take it easy.

[HelloMist]

Thank you HennyPenny.

Thanks LoveWine, it really is helpful. It reassures me that even if the first day (or week) is upsetting and stressful, it may not be long before she settles in. She's used to meeting new children at toddler groups with me, so I'm not too worried about her mixing with others. She enjoyed playing inside and outside at the school on her visits so I think will be looking forward to returning to play more.

I will try my best not to worry and to overthink! I had put on the Cbeebies "Time for School" programmes a few times but might avoid now in case it makes her nervous. Wasn't sure if playdates in the summer were a bad idea for the same reason, but they are just one to one and don't have to be about school specifically and it's good to know you think they might help, LoveWine! One parent I know a tiny bit didn't know anyone else previously, so I had already suggested it to them to be friendly. :)

[Middledistancerunner]

Just to give an opposite pov my son has suspended high functioning autism and loves his routines. He also loves his nursery/ preschool and has found the upcoming changes to big school and reception challenging.
So the nursery created a book of the school with photos of the door he will go in, his new teacher, new classroom, pegs where his things will go, toilets, new outside area and dinner hall. We will use the book over the summer to revisit what’s going to happen in September.
I also introduced his new uniform one piece at a time over the last month or so - a week for new school shorts, then socks, then t-shirt, then book bag.
The aim is there should be no surprises come September.
We will be talking about it, visiting the school even though it’s shut, and trying to make it out to be as fun as possible.
Little and often is the aim.