Disappointed with headmaster

(19 Posts)
chandylier Wed 27-Feb-19 17:46:45

Ds hates school atm.
He's y6
I'm happy there's no bullying, he is just really bored. Class has done nothing but tests over the last couple of months. Major focus on getting them through the entrance exam for the senior school. They acknowledge that they push them hard. That's over with now.
Ds still crying and I'm exhausted trying to persuade him to go to school.
On Monday he was half an hour late and I went in and told the TA about these issues and how he's really upset, crying for hours and nothing I can say can help him.
She was lovely. Tried to reassure him that there's no more tests and that class will get back in track with normal stuff.
He seemed happier.
Now the Head, who is also his class teacher, told a few of them off today, they have to miss 2 breaks. The headmaster told him that he's been grumpy since he got back from half term and that 'this is school, you just need to get over it'
So now I'm back to square1, he hates the teacher and doesn't want to go in.

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BubblesBuddy Wed 27-Feb-19 19:38:08

And you are paying for this?

It’s a bit of a shame, to say the least, that the school (TA) have not taken this seriously and I’m afraid you have put him through a rough time too. You must have known what entry exam season would be like! You wanted him pushed and now you are reaping the consequences.

You need to speak to the Head, urgently, and work out a strategy regarding how to help DS. It’s imperative! The Head probably didn’t know what had been going on because you hadn’t told him! He’s the teacher so he should have been who you saw first. An experienced Head would have seen this before. Strange Head to teach full time! Money saving strategy?

Have you got the school you want out of all this? If not it’s more upset. Try and find happy things to do. See the Head urgently and leave DS at home whilst you do it.

LovingLola Wed 27-Feb-19 20:42:20

Have you been happy with the school up until this situation developed?

ShawshanksRedemption Wed 27-Feb-19 20:54:45

He's year 6 and crying because he is bored?

tulippa Wed 27-Feb-19 21:01:41

She was lovely. Tried to reassure him that there's no more tests and that class will get back in track with normal stuff.

This is wrong surely? What about SATs?

Unfortunately school does get a bit boring from Year 6 and will get even more so in secondary. Not saying this is right - it's just how it is.

Maybe try to see the teacher directly to discuss so they can work on building their relationship for the last half of the year as this seems to be the main problem?

Tissie Wed 27-Feb-19 22:24:52

I can't believe a all schools are boring from year 6 onward. I have taught for 42 years and now volunteer in a primary school 3 days per week. Today I saw year 6 having "Bollywood" dance sessions from 2 Indian ladies. There are half termly enrichment days, regular art and music lessons. Yes they do push the literacy and numeracy in the mornings but afternoons cover a wide range of subjects and topics. Take heart and move him to a good state school.

chandylier Wed 27-Feb-19 22:56:08

He's not crying cos he's bored, he's crying cos he thinks school is all about tests and he can't bear the thought of doing another one. He didn't believe me when I said things would go back to normal.

He's only been there a year and I didn't know that it would be quite this intense.

It's a private school, so no sats.
He actually didn't complain before the exam, he just got on with it.
Then they had a good week, but he was exhausted, cried then, but I thought 2 weeks off would be helpful, but Monday was a shocker, and I spoke to TA then.
All I wanted was for the school to give them some reassurance that there were no more tests, he wouldn't believe me!

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chandylier Wed 27-Feb-19 23:01:10

Oh and the head was previously the yr6 teacher. They needed to split the class, so he stepped in. Not sure how successful that's been. It will be interesting to see if he carries on next year. He is v no nonsense, but Ds was liking him.
He was the star pupil a couple of weeks ago.

I do think Ds is blowing this all out of proportion, but he is very upset. I'm usually quite sensible with letting things blow over, but sobbing about going to school seems like a big deal to me.

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Myothercarisalsoshit Wed 27-Feb-19 23:12:08

But surely you've chosen the school with the expectation that he will be pushed. He's been pushed into sitting entrance tests for, presumably another highly academic and pressured environment? You've paid for just this and now you're blaming the school? Is that right? The pressure isn't going to be any less in the coming years. If he's struggling with it now he's going to continue to struggle. You have a decision to make.

chandylier Wed 27-Feb-19 23:14:43

No I didn't choose the school thinking he'd be pushed
That's not the ethos they promote
I'm not blaming the school for anything

I'm upset that the teacher has noticed that Ds's demeanour has changed and his response it to tell him to get over it, not wonder why he doesn't seem as happy

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chandylier Wed 27-Feb-19 23:24:30

The entrance exam is described as more of a formality than anything else, like their own boys don't have any problems.

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LovingLola Wed 27-Feb-19 23:45:35

So do you think they are not particularly in helping him?
Could you move him back to his old school maybe?

chandylier Thu 28-Feb-19 00:01:18

No, we moved areas to be closer to family

He's obviously not coping as well as I thought.
His Dad died a couple of years ago, I thought we were doing ok, but no

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hellogg87 Thu 28-Feb-19 08:28:29

I'm sorry, that sounds rough. Can you have another formal sit-down conversation with the Head? Maybe he didn't know just how much it was affecting your son.

chandylier Thu 28-Feb-19 10:04:02

Struggled this morning but I got him there.
Through the tears and shouting I think he feels he's struggling to fit in, which makes sense and I have discussed this with the Head. The kids here are tougher and cooler. But outwardly he seems to have settled in great. It's all a cover.
It's a bit of a minefield getting to the bottom of this, you don't know how much of the history is relevant.
I don't think I'm handling it well either and I hate it when he sees me as the enemy

I just want to curl up and cry

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Seeline Thu 28-Feb-19 10:10:28

It sounds very strange that the HM made him miss two breaks because he was grumpy?
Do you know where DS is going in September - is he worried that he might not have passed the tests?

QuaterMiss Thu 28-Feb-19 10:12:31

So he's had parental bereavement, house move, and change of school - all within two years?

Poor boy. (And poor you.) That sounds like an enormous amount to cope with. Perhaps not surprising the stress of exams has pushed him over the edge.

It might be wise to find someone helpful for him to talk to - inside or outside school.

HaventGotAllDay Thu 28-Feb-19 10:14:35

You need to ask the headteacher why he received the two break punishment. "Being grumpy" wasn't the reason.

chandylier Thu 28-Feb-19 10:57:31

No sorry, they got told off for talking during an assembly
Ds says he wasn't talking, but he was listening to his mate which meant he didn't hear the question, so he wasn't paying attention.
I think the HM has lost patience with a few of the others. Ds never really beentold off before, certainly no punishments

He's past the exam with flying colours, academic scholarship
Quarter- it's been 4years, but yes, a lot of change

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