Teacher physically assaulted me

(37 Posts)
Solstice888 Sun 10-Feb-19 16:09:16

Ok so, this happened 25 years ago when I was maybe 5/6 but...she is still a teacher.

I was a very quiet child and perhaps that's why she thought she could get away with it. I'd had an argument with a classmate for helping me with a math test when I didn't want help (nothing major just a 'go away' sort of thing) anyway, teacher comes over and grabs me by the neck and lifts me high up into the air. Held me there for about 10-15 seconds. Of course I was terrified. I believe I would have told my parents at the time (I certainly did at some point) but they didn't want to make a big deal out of it. And I sorta understand I guess because her niece and sister were our neighbours... (though I think if it had been me I would have marched round there and decked that cow xD).

A few years later I had her as my teacher again. She started to make me stay behind after class for hours on end for weeks, claiming my spelling was bad and I needed to practice (which to be fair was probably true) but I felt it at the time...and I look back on it now... and realise that she was most probably just doing it to bully me. Her niece and I were friends and I remember distinctly feeling that I didn't want to say anything and get her in trouble because she was my friends aunt. But she was such a bully.

Anyway I saw her the other day and she as all 'oh one of my wonderful ex students' as if I was her achievement or something. And..I felt sick. And its so odd but I find myself sitting here and crying at the thought of it. And im like 'it was only one little thing, years ago like is it even a big deal?' but yeah...actually, you know what, it is.

And here's the thing, she is still teaching. I think someone said she is actually the head there now (which I guess at least would mean that she doesn't teach) but it doesn't say on their website. I feel I want to do something, and I want to know what avenue to pursue. I mean I just want to forewarn someone like...to get them to keep an eye on her. Not an official complaint exactly but just something so that if someone else, a kid maybe, speaks up about similar treatment...hopefully someone will actually listen. And so that maybe, they will keep a better eye in her in future. Suggestions?

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endofthelinefinally Sun 10-Feb-19 16:16:13

I think you might find it helpful to ring the NSPCC and talk to one of their staff.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones Sun 10-Feb-19 19:08:41

How horrible for you OP. I do agree that make you should speak to someone about your experience. She was in a position of power and abused it to bully you.

Bombardier25966 Sun 10-Feb-19 19:19:09

What is your parents memory of the situation? Did they not ask what you were doing for hours after school?

spinabifidamom Sun 10-Feb-19 19:21:00

Please report this to the police. I also think that it’s a good idea to see a therapist or counsellor in the area too. She should definitely be stripped of her job. Don’t delay.
The sooner you make a report the better. Not just for you for everyone else.

Bombardier25966 Sun 10-Feb-19 19:35:59

She should definitely be stripped of her job.

Being realistic, that is extremely unlikely to happen.

Hopefully there are others that can support the OP's memories, as without evidence this will not go anywhere.

Solstice888 Sun 10-Feb-19 19:43:03

Thanks guys. I'm OK lol don't need therapy, just a bit upsetting to recall it is all lol. And makes me think of how going forwards in life, I very much tolerated far more from people than i should have...and I wonder if that was a starting point. I guess things like that can potentially influence you for a long time afterwords.

My mum remembers me mentioning it yes. My dad actually refers to her as 'that teacher I didn't like'...so I'm not sure that they actually...'get it'.

The teacher was a beautiful young women and like many personality disordered sorts, had the gift of the gab so convinced my mum that me staying behind like that was because I needed it. But it wasn't like she was teaching me, I just had to sit there for hours writing and rewriting stuff correcting any spelling mistakes. And feeling scared stiff of her. Not that she dared touch me again but sometimes the fear is just as bad.

But yeh she is the head teach now so I guess she is busy bullying other teachers now not kids. Otherwise I might proceed differently.

Obviously not going to call the police over something I have no proof of either but I'm tempted to post anon review on the school website or something.

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ourkidmolly Sun 10-Feb-19 19:47:23

Are you sure your memory is reliable? I only say this as, although she's clearly a horrible person, what you've said she's done to you at 6 is quite difficult. Lifted you by the neck high above her? That takes phenomenal upper body strength to manage and hold that position. I think it's unlikely. Not to say I don't believe you and she perhaps grabbed you, hurt you and frightened you but that described scenario sounds unlikely. I think I'd follow the advice of the first poster and phone to NSPCC to talk it through.

Solstice888 Sun 10-Feb-19 19:51:30

Yes. With regards to the whole neck lifting definitely. She lifted me under the chin and hoisted me up and screamed in my face to apologise (for telling the other kid to go away)and then I didnt reply so she screamed it again. She was choking me so I had to choke out an 'im sorry'. Then she dropped me. Not the sort of thing one ever forgets.

The later stuff is more blurry. But I guess the physical assault is the worst part and that i remember crystal clear.

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Solstice888 Sun 10-Feb-19 19:52:49

And she lifted me to her eye level. Its just that is high for a six year old lol.

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Bombardier25966 Sun 10-Feb-19 19:55:16

The teacher was a beautiful young women and like many personality disordered sorts,

What??? On what basis have you made that diagnosis?

Solstice888 Sun 10-Feb-19 19:55:36

Also I was very small for my age which i guess mate it easier.

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Katterinaballerina Sun 10-Feb-19 19:56:25

I’ve seen a teacher do that to several children when I was that age. She used the grip them around the shirt collar.

Solstice888 Sun 10-Feb-19 19:57:25

Umm physically choking a child maybe? Relentless bullying? There was obviously something abnormal going on wouldn't u think? Sure it is a guess, but a fair one I would say.

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Solstice888 Sun 10-Feb-19 20:00:04

Yeah she skipped the clothes and went straight for my neck. Hulk lift lol. I dunno, maybe it isn't as huge a deal as I make out...I mean it was the 90s... but I still think I should maybe be saying something.

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Bombardier25966 Sun 10-Feb-19 20:00:53

Hmmn, ok.

I'd second the therapy/ counselling suggestion.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies Sun 10-Feb-19 20:03:11

Do not under any circumstances post an anonymous review on the school website. Unless you happen to fancy a defamation case being brought against you. If you decide you want to take this up you need to do it properly.

user1457017537 Sun 10-Feb-19 20:05:02

If she is still around confront her and don’t let her think she has got away with it. Far more therapeutic for you than counselling or therapy. Was her family jealous of yours for some reason.

Solstice888 Sun 10-Feb-19 20:05:04

Pretty sure I'm OK lol.

I teach about personality disorders now so that's why I am quick to call them out when I suspect them. Not diagnosing any one,just saying that if the shoe fits...

Why would that mean I need therapy? Lol. Who's being a bit wild with their diagnosis now eh? xD

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YourSarcasmIsDripping Sun 10-Feb-19 20:08:31

Do you honestly believe that you can stop her from harming another child?
Is this your goal?
Or are you just angry and feel like you should "do something " because you never did back then(because you were a child) and the people that were supposed to protect you didn't either?

Solstice888 Sun 10-Feb-19 20:09:14

I think bullies are just bullies and they don't really needs reason.
(Also she didn't live with the neighbours next to me so I don't know...). I think she just saw an opportunity to get away with her nastiness and took it.

Yeah maybe if I see her again I'll say something. I dunno, don't think she is worth my breath tbh.

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Solstice888 Sun 10-Feb-19 20:12:09

Hmm times were just different back then ..its more just the principle I think? But considering it turns out she is the head, not teaching then at least she isn't teaching kids now so... I guess it isn't worth making anything of it.

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TildaTurnip Sun 10-Feb-19 20:13:09

I would also call the NSPCC for advice. I don’t believe you’ve remembered this wrong.

Solstice888 Sun 10-Feb-19 20:13:21

Still infuriating of course but probably not worth creating a drama if it isn't going to protect anyone I guess.

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Solstice888 Sun 10-Feb-19 20:14:04

Yeah maybe worth talking to them, thanks for the suggestion x

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